I had totally forgotten. Until now . . .
When I was 38 - 39 weeks pregnant, I kept thinking to myself, "Wow . . . this pregnancy is so much easier than it was with Jack. I'm relatively comfortable. I'm feeling ok. I remember being a lot more miserable at the end with Jack. Why is it that I had such a hard time at the end of my pregnancy with Jack? This isn't that bad. It's not super comfortable, but it's not unbearable."
And if I had delivered at 38 or 39 weeks . . . I probably would have continued to think that. Shoot, even right at 40 weeks, I was still thinking about how much easier it was this time around.
But once I hit passed the 40 week mark, everything kind of started to head downhill fast. I remembered what it's like to be more than 40 weeks pregnant. If you've ever had the honor of going this far, you'll understand. It's only been a week, but it's been a LONG. WEEK. How is it that just a few days can make such a drastic difference?
Physically, I'm wiped out. Because I'm not only carrying a baby, but I've been doing it for more than FORTY WEEKS. I've been pregnant for the entirety of 2009. I no longer sleep more than 1 1/2 - 2 hours at a time . . . but I actually consider it a success if I sleep more than an hour. I have bad headaches. The baby feels like he's about to split my belly right in half because there is NO. MORE. ROOM. My feet and hands are numb (though this continues to be better than it was with Jack). It's just not fun.
Emotionally, I'm spent. I'm in this constant state of wondering if he'll come on his own or if I'll have to go in Thursday night. I'm disappointed that he didn't come when he was "supposed" to. I keep losing my patience with Jack over little things and then feeling guilty for it. I let him watch more TV yesterday than he probably has in the rest of this life combined because by early afternoon, I just didn't have the energy to play ANOTHER round of Memory or Hi Ho Cherry-O with him. I kept wishing that someone would call yesterday and say, "Can we take Jack for a few hours?" And I'm sitting here crying just typing that because I feel guilty for not wanting to spend every minute of this quality time with him before the baby comes. We really have had some great moments over the last few days and I'm so thankful for that.
I cannot even fathom what it would be like to start having contractions out of the blue. I'm not even sure what that would feel like or what I'd do if I were sitting at work and my water broke. I know that's what happens for most people, but it seems so unreal.
While I'm feeling overwhelmed by circumstances, I do have so much to be thankful for. I'm carrying a healthy baby. I have another four days at work to get things done before he arrives. Kyle asked me yesterday if I was going to come into work on Thursday. What else would I do? Sit at home and wait? No thanks. We wont' have to be to the hospital until 7 or 8 PM and that would make for a LONG day.
I'm thankful for fantastic babysitters who play with Jack and help him spend some of the energy that he needs to spend so that I can spend time doing things like reading and cuddling with him instead (over the weekend when Kyle was working in the yard he kept asking me to wrestle with him . . . um, no).
I'm so glad that we'll be able to have dinner at camp every day this week . . . I cannot even begin to describe how grateful I am for that. I've decided that when I know of someone pregnant, I'm going to bring them dinner the week before the baby comes rather than after. Cooking over the last week has been the LAST thing I've wanted to do. Let's just say that Jack has consumed more french fries than I'm willing to admit.
It won't be long. I can make it.