September 27, 2009

Being a boy mama . . .

Today's post is by Sara over at It's Good to Be Queen. She's mom to Avery, Finley and Sawyer. I've never met her, but from what I have learned, she reminds me a lot of the girls I was friends with in college (can anyone I went to college with tell me who you think she looks like? I think the resemblance is uncanny!). I love reading about her family!


I love being a boy mama. In high school I always said I wanted to be a soccer mom and load up a van full of boys after practice. But I didn’t really know what that meant. When AJ and I got married we started dreaming of our future family. We thought we’d want a boy first. You know, to be the big, older brother who protects his siblings. And then whichever sex came next, didn’t really matter. We just assumed we’d have a combination of boys and girls. We thought we’d like 3, possibly 4 kids. Our first baby was a boy. Perfect, just what we wanted. Our next baby was a boy, great! A brother for our Avery. They’ll be best of friends. When we found out we were expecting a third baby, we tried so hard not to get our hopes up. We told ourselves it would be a boy so that we wouldn’t be disappointed. But, the closer and closer it got to the ultrasound, the more I started dreaming of the ultrasound tech exclaiming, “It’s a girl!” I imagined AJ’s face. I imagined crying. I imagined going out and calling all our family and friends to tell them. Then we would go out to lunch and excitedly dream about names, cutsie girl clothes, & long hair to brush. I would go shopping and buy something pink.

Well, it didn’t go quite like that. When I laid down on the ultrasound table I was shaking. I tried to prepare myself and be okay either way. I reminded myself that we just wanted to see a healthy baby. As soon as she put the wand on my belly, she set it back down and walked over to get some tissues. She handed them to me and said, “It’s a boy.” The floodgates opened. I bawled like a little baby. I thought I would be okay either way, but the disappointment took over and really surprised me. I was so bummed the rest of the appointment. I was thanking God for a perfect, healthy little boy, but I couldn’t stop crying. I just had a hard time wrapping my mind around all boys. I just had never really considered that possibility. After the appointment we went to lunch and I cried into my sandwich. It wasn’t that I didn’t want a boy. It was that I had to let go of the dream of having a daughter. I was almost more disappointed for AJ than I was for myself. I always knew he would be a great girl-daddy. He’s so kind and patient and a great listener. I wanted him to get to experience having a daughter who was a daddy’s girl. I wanted to see a little girl have him wrapped around her finger. I wanted to experience a relationship with a daughter.

But, slowly the Lord replaced those longings in my heart. He reminded me that He had a plan for our family and knew exactly what we needed. Throughout my pregnancy I started getting more and more excited about having another boy. My girl dreams were replaced with dreams of 3 boys who are the best of friends. 3 boys to take care of their mama. 3 boys to grow up to be men of God who change the world with His love. I thought a lot about the story of Daniel and how he did not blend in with the culture. He was set apart. He stood firm amidst temptation. I started praying that God would help my boys to be Daniels in their world. Then I had our 3rd boy, our sweet Sawyer Daniel.

Having all boys has once again taught me God’s amazing love for me. Being a mama to all boys has blessed me more than I could ever imagine. I am so crazy in love with them it hurts. I love that they are always looking for an adventure and a battle to fight. I love that they love to give me hugs and kisses and tell me I’m beautiful. I love that they pick flowers (weeds) for me from the yard to put in a glass of water because “mamas like flowers.” I love that they want to marry me when they grow up. I love that they fight with each other and get over it just as quickly as it started. I love that they don’t care what I pick out for them to wear, they just put it on. I love that they dress up in a costume every single day that we’re at home. I love that they are mine. I love that God gave me 3 boys. I love that God’s plan for me was so much better than I could have imagined.

Psalm 127:3-5

3 Sons are a heritage from the LORD,
children a reward from him.

4 Like arrows in the hands of a warrior
are sons born in one's youth.

5 Blessed is the man
whose quiver is full of them


Erin K. said...

It drove me nuts but I think I finally figured it out after stalking your FB friends list... Erin Black! It's funny because I've seen Sara's photo before - maybe on her blog, maybe on FB? - and I totally thought it was Erin. I always scanned the picture and automatically associated it with college, and now that I think about it something always seemed a bit off. And now I know why! :-)

I can't wait to see more photos of Ben and hear the birth story, but I know you probably need to get some sleep first. ;-) I hope Ben stops the all-night buffet eating so you can rest at night!

Sarah said...


~new momma painfully in love with her baby boy

Sarah said...

PS...I agree with Erin...she looks like Erin B. I guess I've always thought that in the back of my head too when I scan over those pics, but never really gave it much thought :)