Oh Boy, Oh Boy

Today's post is by my friend, Annie. Annie and I have been friends for 10 years or so. Maybe a little longer, actually. She and I really shouldn't be friends. We weren't really ever meant to be friends. And once we became friends, odds were good that we should have drifted apart and not really kept in touch. But our friendship has endured. And for this, I am incredibly grateful.

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I grew up with 2 sisters. My husband had 1. So I joked during my first pregnancy that I the baby had better be a girl because I didn’t know what to do with boys. Two sons later, I’m learning that boys are very different than the world of girls I’m familiar with! My favorite illustration of this so far came when I took my 2 boys to visit a friend of mine who had a daughter. The little girl took her play stroller and pushed around her baby doll leisurely, then putting her in a high chair for a snack. My oldest son then took the stroller, loaded it up with matchbox cars, and after a harrowing ride across the room, threw the stroller sideways, spilling cars everywhere and exclaimed to me, “Uh oh! Crash!”

My own observation of my sons has amazed me at the range of noises that come built-in for boys: cars, trucks, trains, tools, bikes, vacuum cleaner, and lots of burping and spitting. I’m also amazed at the way any any object can become a car and any surface can become a road. Little boys do not walk – they only run. And they think violence is funny. In a my playgroup of 9 moms, 6 of us have 2 boys. Here are a few of their comments about the surprised and joys of boys:

“One thing I realized was how little I understood boys, even at the earliest age. I actually emailed my dad and husband, "What IS it with dumping things out of boxes? Is it the noise? Exploring gravity? The need to see the bottom of the box? WHY must all boxes be systematically emptied out onto the floor?" I just felt like if I could understand the fascination, I would be a little less exasperated. :) I am also continually surprised how melty I feel when he hugs me and says, "I love you, Mommy." The fierce affection of a small boy is something I never really anticipated.” (from Melanie)

“I remember feeling a little apprehensive about the issue of competition - I didn't want the boys to be always comparing each other and trying do out do each other. I remember another guy (who had a brother close in age) telling me that he felt like competition was a good thing. He was much better at a lot sports and academic subjects than he ever would have been if he didn't feel like he had to try to stay one step ahead of his brother. I'm starting to see that with my boys now too - Luke was not content to let Brian [the younger brother] master the tricycle before he did!” (from Rachel)

“I can start with fears/worries about raising boys. Being a woman, I have no idea how I’m going to raise two boys!! Micah has so much energy, and I can tell already that Dylan is going to be just as active, so I’m worried about keeping up with them. On a more serious side, I’m worried about stifling their “boyness” because I don’t understand it. I want to encourage them to explore and be boys even though my mind says, “let’s keep it clean and under control around here!” [My husband] is great to remind me sometimes that boys just need to be boys.” (from Andrea)

A great resource I came across this summer, and am recommending to EVERYONE is the book, “Wild Things: The Art of Nurturing Boys” by Stephen James and David Thomas. These clinical counselors-to and parents-of boys give an amazing, realistic, practical, and entertaining look at raising boys. They state, “Over the past few decades our culture has adopted a model of parenting and educating children that doesn’t affirm, celebrate, or embrace a boy’s hunger, passion, or wildness but rather seeks to tame it. As a result, many parents…find themselves frustrated, confused and wearied by boys’ behavior. The truth is, boys don’t need to be tamed – they need to be understood, loved, challenged, and encouraged.” If you have a boy – go read this book!

I know that my journey of raising boys will bring me back to my knees in prayer over and over….and over…. And I know that God promises in his word that his grace is sufficient, and his power is made perfect in my [parental] weakness (2 Cor. 12:9, parentheses mine). Being out of my comfort/confidence zone with boys has given me an opportunity to turn to God more and more. Let me note that I know there are plenty of challenges in raising girls too. But since the wonderful keeper of this blog is welcoming her second son into the world this week, I wanted to share my thoughts and encouragements with her. Congrats, Sara!!

Being a boy mama . . .

Today's post is by Sara over at It's Good to Be Queen. She's mom to Avery, Finley and Sawyer. I've never met her, but from what I have learned, she reminds me a lot of the girls I was friends with in college (can anyone I went to college with tell me who you think she looks like? I think the resemblance is uncanny!). I love reading about her family!

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I love being a boy mama. In high school I always said I wanted to be a soccer mom and load up a van full of boys after practice. But I didn’t really know what that meant. When AJ and I got married we started dreaming of our future family. We thought we’d want a boy first. You know, to be the big, older brother who protects his siblings. And then whichever sex came next, didn’t really matter. We just assumed we’d have a combination of boys and girls. We thought we’d like 3, possibly 4 kids. Our first baby was a boy. Perfect, just what we wanted. Our next baby was a boy, great! A brother for our Avery. They’ll be best of friends. When we found out we were expecting a third baby, we tried so hard not to get our hopes up. We told ourselves it would be a boy so that we wouldn’t be disappointed. But, the closer and closer it got to the ultrasound, the more I started dreaming of the ultrasound tech exclaiming, “It’s a girl!” I imagined AJ’s face. I imagined crying. I imagined going out and calling all our family and friends to tell them. Then we would go out to lunch and excitedly dream about names, cutsie girl clothes, & long hair to brush. I would go shopping and buy something pink.

Well, it didn’t go quite like that. When I laid down on the ultrasound table I was shaking. I tried to prepare myself and be okay either way. I reminded myself that we just wanted to see a healthy baby. As soon as she put the wand on my belly, she set it back down and walked over to get some tissues. She handed them to me and said, “It’s a boy.” The floodgates opened. I bawled like a little baby. I thought I would be okay either way, but the disappointment took over and really surprised me. I was so bummed the rest of the appointment. I was thanking God for a perfect, healthy little boy, but I couldn’t stop crying. I just had a hard time wrapping my mind around all boys. I just had never really considered that possibility. After the appointment we went to lunch and I cried into my sandwich. It wasn’t that I didn’t want a boy. It was that I had to let go of the dream of having a daughter. I was almost more disappointed for AJ than I was for myself. I always knew he would be a great girl-daddy. He’s so kind and patient and a great listener. I wanted him to get to experience having a daughter who was a daddy’s girl. I wanted to see a little girl have him wrapped around her finger. I wanted to experience a relationship with a daughter.

But, slowly the Lord replaced those longings in my heart. He reminded me that He had a plan for our family and knew exactly what we needed. Throughout my pregnancy I started getting more and more excited about having another boy. My girl dreams were replaced with dreams of 3 boys who are the best of friends. 3 boys to take care of their mama. 3 boys to grow up to be men of God who change the world with His love. I thought a lot about the story of Daniel and how he did not blend in with the culture. He was set apart. He stood firm amidst temptation. I started praying that God would help my boys to be Daniels in their world. Then I had our 3^rd boy, our sweet Sawyer Daniel.

Having all boys has once again taught me God’s amazing love for me. Being a mama to all boys has blessed me more than I could ever imagine. I am so crazy in love with them it hurts. I love that they are always looking for an adventure and a battle to fight. I love that they love to give me hugs and kisses and tell me I’m beautiful. I love that they pick flowers (weeds) for me from the yard to put in a glass of water because “mamas like flowers.” I love that they want to marry me when they grow up. I love that they fight with each other and get over it just as quickly as it started. I love that they don’t care what I pick out for them to wear, they just put it on. I love that they dress up in a costume every single day that we’re at home. I love that they are mine. I love that God gave me 3 boys. I love that God’s plan for me was so much better than I could have imagined.

Psalm 127:3-5

³ Sons are a heritage from the LORD,
children a reward from him.

⁴ Like arrows in the hands of a warrior
are sons born in one's youth.

⁵ Blessed is the man
whose quiver is full of them

Why boys are awesome

Today's post is by Crystal from Little Bit Funky. She's mom to Moses and Aaron. After two weeks of my etsy shop being open with no sales, I sold my first card EVER to her and have been following her blog ever since. She has her own etsy shop, filled with all kinds of fun things. If you haven't already purchased 2009 holiday ornaments for your kids, read my review here.

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Ever since Sara asked me to be a guest poster while she was tending to her new little bundle of blue...I have found myself thinking and pondering and wondering about why having two boys is just so awesome.

A big thing for me is that they aren't girls. Not that there is a thing wrong with little girls. But.

I will never have to deal with Barbies or pink frills or dolls that wet and close their eyes.

I won't have to deal with short skirts or tight shirts.

I won't have to scrutinize each boy in the neighborhood and give them the third degree about their intentions.

And that all suits me just fine.

Even bigger for me is the marshmallow.

Each boy in the world has it.

It's that mushy sweet center that the rock of every man is built around.

Not many get to see it. But the mama's always do. If you raise them just right they grow to know that it is possible to show it and share it and still be seen as men.

To be kind and gentle and sweet and stand their ground at the same time.

To be considerate and thoughtful and good to the people you love...and still able to score the winning points of the game.

I have seen my son face plant into gravel, get up to shake it off one minute and the next minute he is sweetly saying hi to a bug.

I have seen him practically roll around in the dirt and mud and muck then turn around and pick me a flower with a one inch stem.

I hope this kind of trend continues. I hope that he will always be comfortable enough to be a tough guy one moment...and not afraid to show his tenderness the next.

I hope that as a mother of a son that I will continue to grow to learn how to nurture this sort of thing...in a world that is increasingly tougher.

Bigger still is the thought that with God's grace and help we are raising two boys that will grow up to be just like their father. That two women in this world will be blessed to know them and love them...that like me, will be amazed at the gentlemen that they are...that they can seem tough but have that sweet marshmallow just below the surface and not be afraid to share it with them.

One of those days

Today's post is by Nicole at Here's the Diehl. She's mom to Luke, Bennett and Jack Henry . . . all familiar names, huh? It was so great that I was able to meet Nicole this past summer! I think it's the first time I've met someone that I only knew through my blog. And yes, we did first consider the name "Bennett" after reading it on her blog before I was even pregnant . . . not too long after Jack was born. So I guess you could say she had a hand in naming our second little boy . . .

When you're done reading this post, check out these other two that I love:

The 6 Stages of Child Development that No One Tells You About

The One Where I Wish I Had Superpowers.

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Originally posted at Here's the Diehl on April 28, 2008:

It’s been a really. rough. day. On top of what you’re about to read, our plumber came today and fixed (we hope) our faucet so we can proceed with the remodel, and him being here required me to take the boys to a plumbing supply place for a part this afternoon near naptime. And my house is still a disastrous mess from the remodel and my lack of cleaning until it’s done.

Midway through today, I was convinced that Bennett was put on this planet to make me lose my mind. He’s short on sleep, because he still needs to nap but refuses to, and this was the day that it all just culminated into him not being able to control himself at all. This comes after several pretty good days, so I was kinda shocked. I finally got him into bed a little after 7, and he was asleep shortly after that.

Luke stayed up to hang out with Matt and watch the Cardinals for a bit, and when it was time for him to go to bed, he asked me if I would climb in bed with him and snuggle. I don’t think he’s done this for a long time, and sadly (internally), my first reaction was to say no. I was so tired and worn out from dealing with the antics of child #2, and I wanted to get to work listing some stuff on ebay. But I decided I would for a couple of minutes, and boy, am I glad I did.

Before I climbed up into his bed, I started his (and the other boys’) “sleeping music.” It’s a CD we were given at the hospital when Luke was born, full of classical music and distributed by Enfamil. Basically from the day we brought him home from the hospital, we’ve played this for him and his brothers every nap time and bedtime, and if they wake at night. By my calculations, this CD (we have many copies) has been played no less than 6800 times since Luke was born…I’m sure it’s far more than that. As the first song started, I was just thrown back in time to his infancy. Walking around with him in his little room in our old house…wondering what the heck I was supposed to do with him when he wailed…rocking him in the chair I now rock Jack Henry…and, of course, the tears started pouring. I stayed there with him longer than I intended, and just told him how thankful I was for having him as part of our family.

I so needed a moment like this with one of my kids today, to demonstrate that this hard, amazing, rewarding, and sometimes totally sucky job is really, really worth it. In a month, Luke is going to be a kindergartener, and he’s smart and funny and kind and loves the Lord. What more could I ask for? Oh yes, a moment like this with Bennett, too, would be nice. I’m going to make that happen tomorrow.

It’s difficult to do, but I think I’m finally learning that I’ll never regret slowing down and taking an extra moment with these boys of mine. It’s always worth it.

Good night!

A little help from my friends

We're home and are trying to figure out what life looks like now. Jack is, well . . . adjusting. Slowly. I promise to write all about the events of the last few days and to post pictures soon. Can you believe that I have not taken a SINGLE photo, with the exception of a few on my camera phone? I still can't believe it. Kyle and I actually forgot the camera in the car and had my dad run down and get it about an hour before Ben arrived . . . and then forgot to take any pictures. Yeah, I'm tearing up right now just thinking about the uncaptured moments.

Anyway . . .

In the meantime, I've asked a few bloggy friends to guest-post on my blog and they agreed. They're the mothers of all boys and they all love God. I've learned A LOT from reading each of their blogs. If you don't already follow them, I'd recommend that you do.

I have children to attend to, card orders to work on, and healing to do. Enjoy their posts for the next few days and I PROMISE to update at the beginning of next week!

Oh, if you want a glimpse into the last couple of days and to see the camera phone pictures, look back at some of my twitter posts.