October 29, 2006

A whole new world . . .

I've begun to realize that having a child will open up a whole new world of shopping for me . . . for better or for worse. I absolutely CANNOT believe how many random products there are out there for babies. All of which I want, of course. I'm in awe of the whole segment of buyers that I didn't realize was out there, even when I was studying marketing.

My heartburn has been BAD this week. I'm so excited for my first trimester to be DONE. Only two more weeks. We have our first prenatal appointment this week. I'm a little nervous, because my interaction with the office in Ann Arbor so far has been less than professional. My "welcome packet" with orders for blood work, prescriptions for prenatal vitamins and descriptions of what each appointment would be like came over a month late (after I called about it twice) and didn't include any information. Only the prescription, an appointment reminder (I kinda feel like I need to call and remind THEM about the appointment) and the blood work form. No information at all on the appointments, which is what I'm most curious about. We'll see how it goes. I guess we don't have to stick with this doctor if we don't like her.

I finally got my new ipod this week. And by new, I mean the old used one I got off of ebay. But it works, which is one step up from my old one. It was also dirt cheap . . . which is the only kind I could afford to replace my original. It came just in time because this is usually the time of year I begin listening to Christmas music.

Now before all of you strict "no Christmas until after THanksgiving people" begin cursing me in your heads, hear me out. First, there is A LOT of Christmas music for such a short period of time. I need to spread it out a little so I can enjoy it all. Second, when Kyle and I were planning our December 14 wedding four years ago, I started listening to Christmas in October in order to gain inspiration for the planning. Ever since then, listening to Christmas music at this time of year has sentimental value.

October 24, 2006

A vitamin enhanced water beverage . . .

So, one of my newest heroes is Lissa Strodtbeck. Who is Lissa? Among other roles that she plays in my life, she's the genius who told me to drink propel to help keep my pregnancy ailments at a minimum. I stocked up on Peach, Black Cherry, & Mango Propel and I've been feeling great! On top of helping me feel better, Propel is a self-proclaimed "fitness drink." Based on that fact, Joy and I decided today that drinking a bottle is surely the equivalent of running a mile and a half.

All of that to say, I'm feeling so much better than I was last week. I actually feel like I"m back to normal. I can actually get things done at work, as opposed to staring at the computer screen trying to remember what it is that I do at camp. I haven't made tons of progress on my thesis, but I have gotten a significant amount of research done. All in all, it's been a good week so far.

Unfortunately, Wednesday and Thursday I have to help lead group building for 65 junior high students. This means I'll be standing in the freezing cold for 5 hours. I try to use the excuse "But the baby doesn't want to do that," as much as possible, but somehow it just didn't work on this assignment. Oh well . . . only two days. I can handle it.

So, how bad is it that I'm only 9 1/2 weeks pregnant and I'm ready to break out the maternity clothes? My pants are so uncomfortable. Can I still call them "maternity pants" if I'm only using them because I'm chubby? I bought something today called a "Bella Band." It's supposed to allow you to wear your normal non-maternity pants well into your pregnancy. I'll be the judge of that.

Well, we're studying the book of Mark in my small group and a lot of the questions in our workbook last night left me puzzled, so I'm going to go and try to find answers. Wish me luck!

October 21, 2006

Peanut buster parfaits

Have you ever had a peanut buster parfait from Dairy Queen? It's a heavenly combination of alternating layers of soft-serve vanilla ice cream, hot fudge and spanish peanuts. I don't think I've had one since I was in college which was about 6 years ago. But for some reason, this week, I've been craving one. So, I went to Freddie's tonight and they were able recreate one that was just as good as the original.

All of that to say, this has been a weird week. I think I'm paying for the pregnancy-symptom-free weeks that I've had thus far. I've had a horrible headache right above my left eye all week. Three nights in a row, I woke up at 2 AM and couldn't get back to sleep. I've been a combination of nauseus (I really need to learn how to spell that word) and hungry constantly . . . which has been frustrating and confusing.

On a happier note, I went shopping for some maternity clothes this week and got three pair of pants and a top. I really think that all women should be allowed to wear stretch panels . . . not just pregnant women. I think the female population would be happier in general. I hate being in the "in between" regular clothes and maternity clothes stage. Luckily I have a pair of khakis that has a lot of stretch to them . . . they're getting worn quite a bit.

I'm offially nine weeks pregnant. When I said that out loud yesterday, Kyle said, "Wow, you've been pregnant for an entire grading period." Spoken like a true education major.

I broke down and bought a humidifier today . . . to hopefully reduce some of my headache/sinus pain. I was lucky enough to find one for $20, but it's $20 I really would have rather spent on something else. This thing had better work well!

We're still working on figuring out how to pay all of bills and have money to actually have a baby. It stinks that we worked so hard to become financially stable enough to have kids, only to drain all of that stability to actually conceive. If God is trying to teach us to totally depend on him, he has our attention and our dependance! I've worried about finances a lot less this week than in previous weeks . . . thanks to ebay, we were able to put enough money into savings to actually be able to keep the account open!

On the days when I don't think we'll make it, something always happens to show us that we will. Though I'd like to be comfortable, be able to provide only the best for this kid, be able to take a vacation, be able to afford anything I want . . . I guess I'm thankful to God for using this to teach us to depend on him.

I'm not going to lie to you though . . . I still hope this kid comes out holding a bag of money.

October 14, 2006

Setting goals . . .

I can't remember a time in my life where I've been as lazy as I have over the last few days. I'm so tired that I've fallen asleep sitting in front of my computer . . . mid-IM! Still no nausea (knock on wood) . . . just a lot of sleepiness. My goal for this week is to get a good amount done on my thesis (the first draft is due in mid-November)and to get the summer camp video done. I'm supposed to present my thesis in Indiana two weeks before I'm due . . . I'm hoping they'll make an exception and let me do it earlier. Fingers crossed!

A lot more people found out about my "condition" over the weekend with the camp garage sale . . . it's been a lot of fun! I'm amazed at how excited people that I barely know get for us. I think there are some people more excited than we are. I'm still having trouble getting super excited . . . I think I still want to keep my guard up in case something goes wrong. My mom's and Kyle's mom's excitement makes up for what I lack!

Kyle's ready to cut me off from the internet because of all of the "worst-case scenarios" I keep finding. I was reminded today by Joyce Monoghan of all of the people we have praying for us and that was really comforting. I guess I just need to learn to trust more . . . if for no other reason than that it's all that I CAN do.

Kyle's parents dropped off a "congratulations" gift on Monday. It had a couple of maternity tops, spaghettios (which I've been craving) and a pack of newborn onesies. WHen I look at how tiny they are, it's amazing to me. But when I think of delivering something that fits into one of them, it seems huge. I'm not going to think about that part yet.

My clothing is fitting really tight . . . unfortunately, I think it has little to do with being pregnant and a lot to do with weight gain from injecting outrageous amounts of hormones into my system all summer. I probably could go up a clothing size, but I don't want to buy a whole new set of clothes that won't fit again in a month or two. But, it's not quite time for maternity clothes yet. I'm wearing sweatpants A LOT.

Speaking of injecting hormones . . . I just realized that it's been A MONTH since I've had my blood drawn and all of my injection bruises on my arm and belly are gone! It's been a while since I could say that.

Ok, I'm starting to ramble, so I'm done.

October 9, 2006


Ironically enough, we heard the song "Blessed Be the Name" on our way to the RE clinic today (if you're wondering why that's ironic, see yesterday's post). It was super fuzzy because it was a Lansing station and we were approaching Ann Arbor, but I didn't think it was a coincidence that it was on. We waited for about 30 minutes to get in (the place was packed) and though I was nervous, I felt a peace about being able to accept whatever happened.

We found, however, that all is good. Our ultrasound today was PERFECT and the baby is right on schedule! They couldn't tell me why I had the trouble I did this weekend and said it wasn't normal, but they said that there is no reason to be worried! What a huge relief!

We got to SEE and HEAR the heartbeat, which I know every parent has experienced, but we've never heard such a wonderful sound. Now that they've heard the heartbeat, there's a 95% chance that we'll have a health pregnancy with no more complications. When the doctor said that, there was such a huge weight
lifted. We also got to take home some pictures, which I've included below. There's not much to see, but we're still excited.

You can see the heartbeat reading on the bottom picture. The heart rate is 143 BPM and it measures at 7weeks, 2 days which is perfect because I'm 7 weeks, 3 days! It amazing how every care and worry I have about anything just disappeared when I heard that heartbeat . . . I wish I could post that sound on my blog!

We've started telling people today and it's a lot of fun! We're so grateful to have so many people rejoicing with us.

October 7, 2006

You give and take away . . .

I'm 7 weeks, 1 day and I think I might be losing this kid. I started spotting this morning. More than last time. Not a lot, but the cramps and lower back pain kind of scare me more. I just keep praying for it to go away and for everything to be ok. Our first ultrasound is scheduled for Monday. It's been so hard to wait during the last few weeks, but the last two days are going to be torture with this spotting (unless it turns to bleeding . . . then I guess we'll know how it all turns out). It's so gross to be talking about all of this stuff so casually, but it's really upsetting.

So, I'm feeling down. My mom and Kyle keep telling me to be optimistic, but I feel like I need to be prepared just in case. I know that there are usually no causes of miscarriage other than chromosomal abnormalities, but I keep going over things in my head like the tylenol I took last week and the corn dogs I ate a couple of weeks ago (pregnant ladies in their first trimester aren't supposed to eat hot dogs), the strain I put on myself bending over to do ebay stuff and the shivering I've done this week because I'm too cheap/broke to turn the heat on yet.

Last Sunday we sang the song "Blessed Be Your Name". It was the same song I heard on the way home from my first doctor's appointment a little more than two years ago when the doctor first told me we'd have a lot of trouble conceiving. THe part of the song that got me then was when it says:

"Blessed Be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name"

"Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name"

I just remember crying in my car and thinking, "I know that I can still say 'blessed be Your name' even though this sucks." And that has stuck with me over the last two years.

When we sang it in church last week, I got choked up when we got to the bridge that says:

"You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name"

I know that God gave us this child . . . this hope for a family. . . and I know that he can take it away. And, I know that if we lose this baby, he'll mourn with us.

Every time we had some round of failed fertility treatments, we always had a mourning period. It might sound strange to mourn something that we never had in the first place, but it seemed so natural. I remember thinking that mourning after failed fertility treatments would be harder than mourning a miscarriage. I think I was right. I feel like even if I miscarry tomorrow, at least I had a chance to carry this tiny embryo for 7 weeks. At least I know that I have a chance of getting pregnant again . . . finances pending.

I know this all sounds random, but these are the thoughts going through my head. I'm going to try and get some sleep. Emphasis on "try."

October 1, 2006

The wonder of it all . . .

I have been overwhelmed by thinking about the miracle of life today . . . cheesy, i know. I've been looking at ultrasound pictures and illustrations of embryos at 6 weeks and am floored when I think that I was once that size and in that condition. How is it possible that the little 4 mm being inside of me could possibly grow up to be adult-sized? Incredible.

8 days until the first ultrasound . . . I'm still worried about there not being a heartbeat, but I'm realizing that my worry will do absolutely nothing. So, I'm trying to remain a little more positive.

My heartburn has escalated over the weekend and I'm popping Tums like I eat candy during the summer. I have really congested sinuses, but I'm afraid to take anything until my second trimester. I am constantly hungry. Ahhh . . . the joy of pregnancy.

We told our small group today and they were all really excited. It's fun to have people share in our excitement!

Alright, I'm going to get a snack. And some Tums.