At any given point throughout the day, you could probably walk up and give my pants a little tug and they'd come right down. I'd ask, however, that you please not try that.
What I'm getting at is that my post-partum fat pants are way too loose and baggy on me now. When I wear them, I look like MC Hammer, circa 1992. Good news, right?
Except I went to try on jeans in the next size down last weekend and while they fit beautifully in the legs, they're still a too snug around the waist. Boo. So, fat pants it is for a while longer.
I am frustrated with the fact that five whole months have passed and I still can't fit into the things I'd like to, but truth be told, I haven't tried very hard. I tried to start working out regularly before Christmas, but then the-most-wonderful-time-of-the-year hit and I never really started it up again.
And, to be even more honest, I pretty well eat whatever I want. And what I want is usually fried, sweet or accessible through a drive thru window.
I really have lost quite a bit of weight since I had Ben (obviously) but I still have about 10 pounds to get back to my pre-Ben weight. And a lot more than that to get back to my ideal weight.
Honestly, I'd be happy with any weight that would get the wii fit to stop making fun of me.
Showing posts with label pregnancy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pregnancy. Show all posts
March 3, 2010
June 1, 2008
April 13, 2008
Porcupine head
Something that people do tell you about being pregnant is that you don't lose as much hair as you do when you're not pregnant. Your hair stays in a "resting phase" (or something like that) while you're pregnant and you just don't lose the normal amount of hair that one usually loses each day.
The other thing that people do tell you is that when your baby is 3 - 4 months old, you begin losing that hair. But really, it's just the hair that you didn't lose while you were pregnant, so you're no worse off than you would have been. You just have to deal with globs of hair coming out every time you comb it with your fingers or brush it. And don't even get me started on the shower drain.
But here's something that no one ever told me . . . all of the hair that you lose all at once starts to grow back all at once. I guess they shouldn't need to tell me that. I supposed I should have just assumed. What this results in is a little something I like to call "Porcupine Head." I've had little spiky hairs sticking up all along the part in my hair and all along my bangs for a few months now. It's annoying and unattractive. There is no hair product out there that can tame these little guys. I have a constant look of "frizziness" because of all of these little stray hairs and it's driving me nuts.
These little hairs are about 1 1/2 inches long and I've got a little while before they'll be tamable. Until then, I guess I'll just have to live with A LOT MORE bad hair days.
The other thing that people do tell you is that when your baby is 3 - 4 months old, you begin losing that hair. But really, it's just the hair that you didn't lose while you were pregnant, so you're no worse off than you would have been. You just have to deal with globs of hair coming out every time you comb it with your fingers or brush it. And don't even get me started on the shower drain.
But here's something that no one ever told me . . . all of the hair that you lose all at once starts to grow back all at once. I guess they shouldn't need to tell me that. I supposed I should have just assumed. What this results in is a little something I like to call "Porcupine Head." I've had little spiky hairs sticking up all along the part in my hair and all along my bangs for a few months now. It's annoying and unattractive. There is no hair product out there that can tame these little guys. I have a constant look of "frizziness" because of all of these little stray hairs and it's driving me nuts.
These little hairs are about 1 1/2 inches long and I've got a little while before they'll be tamable. Until then, I guess I'll just have to live with A LOT MORE bad hair days.
October 9, 2007
What a difference a year makes . . .
One year ago today, we saw Jack for the first time. We had our first ultrasound and heard his heartbeat and found out that he was the size of a grain of rice.
Just in case you couldn't see the comparison . . .
He weighed approximately .03 oz and measured 3 - 4 mm long. Today, he weighs about 19.5 lbs and measures 27" long. His weight has increased by a factor of 10,400! There are few miracles greater than this one. I know, I know . . . I can't spend the whole year blogging about what happened a year ago, but it's amazing to see how much he's grown.
September 16, 2007
Blogiversary
Yes, I made up the word "blogiversary." It'll catch on, I promise.
It was a year ago yesterday that I found out that I was pregnant. It was a year ago today that I wrote my first post on this blog (though it was hosted by live journal back then). I had been writing sporatically on my myspace blog but started this one so that I could keep the posts private for a while.
Happy blogiversary to me!
It was a year ago yesterday that I found out that I was pregnant. It was a year ago today that I wrote my first post on this blog (though it was hosted by live journal back then). I had been writing sporatically on my myspace blog but started this one so that I could keep the posts private for a while.
Happy blogiversary to me!
August 29, 2007
Goodbye elastic waistbands . . .
So, I've been un-pregnant for 12 weeks and I'm finally wearing normal clothes again. I realize that most women are back in regular clothes within 6 weeks after delivery, but my diet consisted of camp food . . . all summer I ate meals like macaroni and cheese with corndogs and chicken tenders with mashed potatoes. I haven't cooked for myself since mid-May.
In retrospect, I probably could have started fitting into regular clothes around 6 weeks but elastic waistbands just felt more comfortable. You go through 7 months of elastic waistbands so anything even slightly fitted feels tight. Pants still fit a little funny . . . tight in the waist and really big in the legs. It's getting better every day, though.
I went into the spare bedroom where I've been storing all of my regular clothes and it's honestly like I just went on a shopping spree. I had NO IDEA how many clothes I had until I stored them for a year and came back to them. I swear I'm queen of khaki pants . . . I guess that's probably a prerequisite for working at a camp. Going through those clothes is the motivation I needed to lose the rest of this weight. I really can't afford to replace the ones that still don't fit, so I need to get moving on that.
In retrospect, I probably could have started fitting into regular clothes around 6 weeks but elastic waistbands just felt more comfortable. You go through 7 months of elastic waistbands so anything even slightly fitted feels tight. Pants still fit a little funny . . . tight in the waist and really big in the legs. It's getting better every day, though.
I went into the spare bedroom where I've been storing all of my regular clothes and it's honestly like I just went on a shopping spree. I had NO IDEA how many clothes I had until I stored them for a year and came back to them. I swear I'm queen of khaki pants . . . I guess that's probably a prerequisite for working at a camp. Going through those clothes is the motivation I needed to lose the rest of this weight. I really can't afford to replace the ones that still don't fit, so I need to get moving on that.
August 24, 2007
Today
Jack slept through the night and until 7 AM today! That would have been great, but I was supposed to be heading out the door for my doctor's appointment at 7 AM, and I woke up at 6:45. I just assumed Jack would wake me up on time for me to get ready and go. This is the same appointment that I missed a couple of weeks ago and I ended up being pretty late. Oh well.
While I was in the examination room waiting for the doctor, I could hear muffled voiced in the room next door . . . followed by the sound of a baby's heartbeat. I had forgotten what a fantastic sound that is. I always teared up a little every time I heard it at my monthly appointments. I remember hearing it for the first time when he had only existed for 7 weeks and was the size of a grain of rice. It's so weird to think that my little boy was the same kid whose heartbeat I listened to from the outside. I was telling Kyle this week that I can't really remember what it was like to be pregnant. Not in an amnesia sort of way, but I just don't remember what it felt like to have him kick me or even how badly my wrists and hands bothered me.
My nostalgia has been heightened even more by the fact that Kyle took the bassinet out of our room and put it in storage down in the basement. Kristen and Brett have the same bassinet as we do. When they put theirs together, they discovered that the weight limit on it is 15 lbs. Jack's definitely beyond that. Plus, he's almost 3 months old and we don't use it that often anyway. My baby's growing up! Did you know that size 3 diapers start at 16 lbs!? He's only been in size 2 for 3 or 4 weeks!
Alright, time to get some shut eye. Good night!
While I was in the examination room waiting for the doctor, I could hear muffled voiced in the room next door . . . followed by the sound of a baby's heartbeat. I had forgotten what a fantastic sound that is. I always teared up a little every time I heard it at my monthly appointments. I remember hearing it for the first time when he had only existed for 7 weeks and was the size of a grain of rice. It's so weird to think that my little boy was the same kid whose heartbeat I listened to from the outside. I was telling Kyle this week that I can't really remember what it was like to be pregnant. Not in an amnesia sort of way, but I just don't remember what it felt like to have him kick me or even how badly my wrists and hands bothered me.
My nostalgia has been heightened even more by the fact that Kyle took the bassinet out of our room and put it in storage down in the basement. Kristen and Brett have the same bassinet as we do. When they put theirs together, they discovered that the weight limit on it is 15 lbs. Jack's definitely beyond that. Plus, he's almost 3 months old and we don't use it that often anyway. My baby's growing up! Did you know that size 3 diapers start at 16 lbs!? He's only been in size 2 for 3 or 4 weeks!
Alright, time to get some shut eye. Good night!
August 11, 2007
The most embarassing blog yet . . .
So I found a picture the other day that I was too embarassed to post when I was pregnant. I'm pretty sure my inhibitor switch must be turned off because I shouldn't be posting it today either. Here are the during pregnancy and post pregnancy pictures of my feet.
My feet on a normal day:
My feet when pregnant:
I can still remember what they felt like everytime I stood up or put any weight on them at all. I probably gained half of my pregnancy weight in my feet!
My feet on a normal day:
My feet when pregnant:
I can still remember what they felt like everytime I stood up or put any weight on them at all. I probably gained half of my pregnancy weight in my feet!
July 12, 2007
Snaps and something else
You guys are really missing out. I have so many funny stories to tell each day and I find myself thinking "I should blog about that" all the time. But I forget by the time I get to a computer. I was able to remember two of the twenty bajillion things I wanted to blog about as I logged on just a minute ago, but now I can only remember one. Hence the title, "Snaps and something else."
If you've ever dressed a baby, you know about the horrible snaps used to hold the clothing on him. They're small, they're hard to snap and I'm shocked that I'm living in the year 2007 and no one has come up with a better alternative. I think I'm going to work on that . . . something magnetic perhaps.
I was looking over pictures from when I was pregnant today . . . and pictures from the vacation that Kyle and I took while we were waiting to find out if I was pregnant. Two observations: 1. I should have never had my hair cut right before I had Jack. Big mistake. 2. I can't believe I thought I was fat last year. I would give anything to go back to that now. I hope I'm not saying that again in a year. Losing the baby weight is going a lot more slowly than I had hoped.
Camp's so weird this year. It's obviously different because we have a baby, but I didn't realize how having a baby would affect our relationships with our staff. We used to have close friendships with some of our staff and pseudo-friendships with those we weren't close to. We used to know them all pretty well by the end of the summer. We used to get invited to things. They used to sit with us at meals. That's all changed. We don't know them well. We don't get invited (and I don't blame them . . . who invites their boss to something). And at meals we feel a little like lepers.
In a way, I'm glad because it was going to happen someday and we just needed to get that transition over with. But in another way, it's a little sad. Summers have been relatively the same for the last nine years and this year it all changes. We've graduated to the old people table. I guess that's not completely true because a few of our staff that we became friends with last summer are still here . . . but they won't be forever. We really need more friends our age I guess. I am going on 30 . . . you'd think I would have come to this realization a while ago. I guess I'm a little slow.
I have a really long meeting that starts in 26 minutes so I guess I should start getting myself mentally prepared for that. More later.
If you've ever dressed a baby, you know about the horrible snaps used to hold the clothing on him. They're small, they're hard to snap and I'm shocked that I'm living in the year 2007 and no one has come up with a better alternative. I think I'm going to work on that . . . something magnetic perhaps.
I was looking over pictures from when I was pregnant today . . . and pictures from the vacation that Kyle and I took while we were waiting to find out if I was pregnant. Two observations: 1. I should have never had my hair cut right before I had Jack. Big mistake. 2. I can't believe I thought I was fat last year. I would give anything to go back to that now. I hope I'm not saying that again in a year. Losing the baby weight is going a lot more slowly than I had hoped.
Camp's so weird this year. It's obviously different because we have a baby, but I didn't realize how having a baby would affect our relationships with our staff. We used to have close friendships with some of our staff and pseudo-friendships with those we weren't close to. We used to know them all pretty well by the end of the summer. We used to get invited to things. They used to sit with us at meals. That's all changed. We don't know them well. We don't get invited (and I don't blame them . . . who invites their boss to something). And at meals we feel a little like lepers.
In a way, I'm glad because it was going to happen someday and we just needed to get that transition over with. But in another way, it's a little sad. Summers have been relatively the same for the last nine years and this year it all changes. We've graduated to the old people table. I guess that's not completely true because a few of our staff that we became friends with last summer are still here . . . but they won't be forever. We really need more friends our age I guess. I am going on 30 . . . you'd think I would have come to this realization a while ago. I guess I'm a little slow.
I have a really long meeting that starts in 26 minutes so I guess I should start getting myself mentally prepared for that. More later.
June 25, 2007
Senior Teen Camp
I'm beginning to feel a sense of normalcy. Of course, it's a new normal, but at least I'm figuring out what life is going to be like. It's still hard to plan a camp and not be there to watch it all be carried out, and to not be spending as much time investing in a staff I hired and have spent months preparing for and praying for, but I look down at Jack and know that it's all worth it. AND, it's not like I've had to give up my job at camp. I've been able to do a reasonable amount of both things . . . camp and taking care of Jack. I'm just torn because I want to put my all into both things. But Jack's getting used to taking naps in the Baby Bjorn and things at camp . . . well sooner or later they'll get used to not having me around as much (hopefully the easy way and not the hard way).
After a refreshing weekend, it was hard to jump back into another camp but it's nice to know we don't have an overnight camp for THREE WEEKS after this week. That'll be a nice break. Last night was the hardest night yet. For some reason Jack was particularly fussy and Kyle and I both were particularly cranky. This morning was no different, but Kyle was at camp. I hate it when he cries and his face turns all red and he goes into the "silent cry" mode, but if he's dry, fed and well-rested, all I can do is hold him and rock him, I suppose. As his mom, it's just upsetting to see.
Our speaker at camp for the week is Phil Owen . . . which means he, his wife and kids are out here all week. That's a treat for Kyle and I because we really like them and have a good time with them. I'm bummed that I'm not around more this week to spend more time with them but the meals and short times we've had with them are good. We only see them once or twice a year (if that) but everytime we do I wish we lived closer so that we could spend more time with them. I'm beginning to realize how many friends Kyle and I have that we could say that about. A vast majority of the couples that we are friends with live far away.
I'm starting to realize that Jack is somewhat of a local (very local) celebrity. I'm shocked at how many people walk up and ask, "Is this Jack?" and want to see him. They greet me by name, ask how the delivery was and how things are going. The odd thing is that I have no idea who more than half of them are. I think some of them are from our church and some are probably people that know Kyle's parents, but I'm still amazed at how many people know him and want to meet him. There are few times in my life where my extroverted nature has been pushed to it's limit, but it's fun and exhausting all at the same time to be talking to so many random people.
So, I was looking at all of my pre-pregnancy clothes (none of which come close to fitting yet) and was wishing I could still fit into my green AE hoodie that I love so much. I'm beginning to realize that I'm going to have to start shopping for clothes at J.C. Penney and Meijer . . . which isn't bad but is just an adjustment. I guess I'm too old for the stores I used to shop in anyway. And, I'll settle for fitting into anything at this point. My maternity pants are too loose (my radio that I wear for camp is constantly pulling them down) but everything else is too tight. I haven't been back on a scale since Jack was born but I might do that tonight. I really hope I've lost enough to make me feel a little better. I'll let you know tomorrow. :)
After a refreshing weekend, it was hard to jump back into another camp but it's nice to know we don't have an overnight camp for THREE WEEKS after this week. That'll be a nice break. Last night was the hardest night yet. For some reason Jack was particularly fussy and Kyle and I both were particularly cranky. This morning was no different, but Kyle was at camp. I hate it when he cries and his face turns all red and he goes into the "silent cry" mode, but if he's dry, fed and well-rested, all I can do is hold him and rock him, I suppose. As his mom, it's just upsetting to see.
Our speaker at camp for the week is Phil Owen . . . which means he, his wife and kids are out here all week. That's a treat for Kyle and I because we really like them and have a good time with them. I'm bummed that I'm not around more this week to spend more time with them but the meals and short times we've had with them are good. We only see them once or twice a year (if that) but everytime we do I wish we lived closer so that we could spend more time with them. I'm beginning to realize how many friends Kyle and I have that we could say that about. A vast majority of the couples that we are friends with live far away.
I'm starting to realize that Jack is somewhat of a local (very local) celebrity. I'm shocked at how many people walk up and ask, "Is this Jack?" and want to see him. They greet me by name, ask how the delivery was and how things are going. The odd thing is that I have no idea who more than half of them are. I think some of them are from our church and some are probably people that know Kyle's parents, but I'm still amazed at how many people know him and want to meet him. There are few times in my life where my extroverted nature has been pushed to it's limit, but it's fun and exhausting all at the same time to be talking to so many random people.
So, I was looking at all of my pre-pregnancy clothes (none of which come close to fitting yet) and was wishing I could still fit into my green AE hoodie that I love so much. I'm beginning to realize that I'm going to have to start shopping for clothes at J.C. Penney and Meijer . . . which isn't bad but is just an adjustment. I guess I'm too old for the stores I used to shop in anyway. And, I'll settle for fitting into anything at this point. My maternity pants are too loose (my radio that I wear for camp is constantly pulling them down) but everything else is too tight. I haven't been back on a scale since Jack was born but I might do that tonight. I really hope I've lost enough to make me feel a little better. I'll let you know tomorrow. :)
June 14, 2007
Jack's first Dr. visit(s)
We brought Jackson home from the hospital on Monday and I cried a lot of the way home. This was just the beginning of the post-partum emotions! I cried because I still looked WAY pregnant. They told me I’d leave the hospital looking 4 – 5 months pregnant. That was always encouraging to me because my sister-in-law is between 5 & 6 months pregnant and I was ok with looking like she did. I went home looking 8 ½ months pregnant.
I cried because I was overwhelmed with how much responsibility we had for this new life. I cried because I was tired. I cried because all of the build up of being pregnant was over. I cried because I was still in pain from the whole birthing process (and the stitches that resulted). I luckily regained composure by the time we got home. There was a balloon and sign on the door and Joy put a sign on the door of Jack’s bedroom. It was so nice!
We got home around 1 and Cindy brought us lunch from camp. One nice thing about U of M is that they have room service and you can order whatever you want for meals. Nice, huh? You just have to be careful what you order because it’s hit or miss. The pancakes and bacon that we ordered for breakfast that morning were like two small round pieces of styrofoam and two thin strips of . . . well, some sort of dog treats. Their sandwiches, however were excellent! All of that to say . . . we were hungry.
My first order of business after lunch was to make Jack’s first Dr. appointment. The pediatricians at U of M wanted him to be seen no later Wednesday so we made an appointment for Tuesday.
When we arrived at the Doctor’s office, I was surprised to find out that you sat in the waiting room and waited for them to call your name over an intercom and then you went in the appropriate door and the nurse met you in the hall. That was kind of strike one.
They weighed Jack and he was 7 lbs, 14 oz. They weighed him again and he was 7 lbs, 12 oz. Sounds like someone was still learning how to use the scale . . .
Anyway, his birth weight was 8 lbs, 10 oz. so the nurse practitioner was very concerned about this. So concerned that she told me immediately that I needed to start supplementing breastfeeding with formula. Now let me just say that I’m not a psycho parent who thinks that feeding my son a little bit of formula will condemn him to a life of mediocrity. However, I’m committed to making breastfeeding as successful as possible for Jack and I wanted a good reason for supplementing and I wasn’t seeing one. He was within the “safe 10% weight loss” zone and my milk hadn’t come in yet, so of course he wouldn’t be gaining weight like a formula-fed baby would be. But he was getting all of the really healthy colostrum that he wouldn’t be getting if he were getting formula.
Anyway, I questioned her on it and told her that I didn’t feel comfortable starting formula quite yet. My friend Annie told me a similar story from when her son was jaundiced and it was that story that gave me the courage to just express my discomfort with what the nurse was prescribing. I was close to tears at this point . . . she had me panicked about his weight loss and was acting as if he could die any second. However, when I questioned her on this she said (I hope you’re sitting down), “You will cause brain damage in your child if you don’t start feeding him formula today.” I lost it. I was crying so hard and she was giving me a stern look and shoving my hands full of formula samples. Kyle said in retrospect that her answer to everything was probably to give people formula and shove them out the door. I knew she was full of crap, but no new mom wants to hear someone say that she might cause brain damage to her child!
Thankfully, U of M sends out visiting nurses the day after patients are released from the hospital and my visit was scheduled for that afternoon. I told her about my experience and she was shocked. She said that we definitely needed to keep an eye on his weight and we might need to supplement if my milk didn’t come in within the next 24 hours, but that I would not be causing my baby any brain damage. She asked for the name and phone number of the nurse practitioner we talked to because she wanted to have a chat with her.
She explained that there is a low percentage of moms in Jackson County that breastfeed, so they’re probably not used to seeing the weight loss that comes in breast fed babies. She also pointed out that if we had just gone to a one week visit rather than going the day after he was discharged, my milk would have been in and this probably wouldn’t have been an issue. She helped us to find a different pediatrician.
I went to that pediatrician on Wednesday and my mom came with me because Kyle had to leave that morning on an overnight campout with our staff (which, of course, caused me to shed a lot of tears and to be way emotional). This pediatrician (Dr. Moore in Chelsea) was amazing. When we were in the waiting room filling out paperwork, he came out and introduced himself. All of the receptionists and nurses introduced themselves too. They were so friendly.
They weighed him and he had gained 4 oz since the appointment the day before! Milk makes all the difference, I suppose. He spent a good 10 minutes thoroughly examining Jack (as opposed to the 30 seconds the day before) and spent a good deal of time talking to us. All in all, he probably spent a total of 30 minutes with us. At the end of the appointment, Jack was getting hungry and Dr. Moore asked if he could have his nurse practitioner (who is also a lactation consultant) come in and make sure nursing is going ok. Of course she could! She sat with me through the ENTIRE feeding and made sure he was latching on well and just talked to me about a lot of baby things.
We went back on Thursday and Jack had put on another 3 oz! We saw Dr. Stefanie that day and she was just as great as Dr. Moore. She spent a TON of time answering my questions about baby routine and immunizations. I honestly felt like they genuinely cared about my baby . . . even after he peed and pooped on both doctors! It was wonderful.
I cried because I was overwhelmed with how much responsibility we had for this new life. I cried because I was tired. I cried because all of the build up of being pregnant was over. I cried because I was still in pain from the whole birthing process (and the stitches that resulted). I luckily regained composure by the time we got home. There was a balloon and sign on the door and Joy put a sign on the door of Jack’s bedroom. It was so nice!
We got home around 1 and Cindy brought us lunch from camp. One nice thing about U of M is that they have room service and you can order whatever you want for meals. Nice, huh? You just have to be careful what you order because it’s hit or miss. The pancakes and bacon that we ordered for breakfast that morning were like two small round pieces of styrofoam and two thin strips of . . . well, some sort of dog treats. Their sandwiches, however were excellent! All of that to say . . . we were hungry.
My first order of business after lunch was to make Jack’s first Dr. appointment. The pediatricians at U of M wanted him to be seen no later Wednesday so we made an appointment for Tuesday.
When we arrived at the Doctor’s office, I was surprised to find out that you sat in the waiting room and waited for them to call your name over an intercom and then you went in the appropriate door and the nurse met you in the hall. That was kind of strike one.
They weighed Jack and he was 7 lbs, 14 oz. They weighed him again and he was 7 lbs, 12 oz. Sounds like someone was still learning how to use the scale . . .
Anyway, his birth weight was 8 lbs, 10 oz. so the nurse practitioner was very concerned about this. So concerned that she told me immediately that I needed to start supplementing breastfeeding with formula. Now let me just say that I’m not a psycho parent who thinks that feeding my son a little bit of formula will condemn him to a life of mediocrity. However, I’m committed to making breastfeeding as successful as possible for Jack and I wanted a good reason for supplementing and I wasn’t seeing one. He was within the “safe 10% weight loss” zone and my milk hadn’t come in yet, so of course he wouldn’t be gaining weight like a formula-fed baby would be. But he was getting all of the really healthy colostrum that he wouldn’t be getting if he were getting formula.
Anyway, I questioned her on it and told her that I didn’t feel comfortable starting formula quite yet. My friend Annie told me a similar story from when her son was jaundiced and it was that story that gave me the courage to just express my discomfort with what the nurse was prescribing. I was close to tears at this point . . . she had me panicked about his weight loss and was acting as if he could die any second. However, when I questioned her on this she said (I hope you’re sitting down), “You will cause brain damage in your child if you don’t start feeding him formula today.” I lost it. I was crying so hard and she was giving me a stern look and shoving my hands full of formula samples. Kyle said in retrospect that her answer to everything was probably to give people formula and shove them out the door. I knew she was full of crap, but no new mom wants to hear someone say that she might cause brain damage to her child!
Thankfully, U of M sends out visiting nurses the day after patients are released from the hospital and my visit was scheduled for that afternoon. I told her about my experience and she was shocked. She said that we definitely needed to keep an eye on his weight and we might need to supplement if my milk didn’t come in within the next 24 hours, but that I would not be causing my baby any brain damage. She asked for the name and phone number of the nurse practitioner we talked to because she wanted to have a chat with her.
She explained that there is a low percentage of moms in Jackson County that breastfeed, so they’re probably not used to seeing the weight loss that comes in breast fed babies. She also pointed out that if we had just gone to a one week visit rather than going the day after he was discharged, my milk would have been in and this probably wouldn’t have been an issue. She helped us to find a different pediatrician.
I went to that pediatrician on Wednesday and my mom came with me because Kyle had to leave that morning on an overnight campout with our staff (which, of course, caused me to shed a lot of tears and to be way emotional). This pediatrician (Dr. Moore in Chelsea) was amazing. When we were in the waiting room filling out paperwork, he came out and introduced himself. All of the receptionists and nurses introduced themselves too. They were so friendly.
They weighed him and he had gained 4 oz since the appointment the day before! Milk makes all the difference, I suppose. He spent a good 10 minutes thoroughly examining Jack (as opposed to the 30 seconds the day before) and spent a good deal of time talking to us. All in all, he probably spent a total of 30 minutes with us. At the end of the appointment, Jack was getting hungry and Dr. Moore asked if he could have his nurse practitioner (who is also a lactation consultant) come in and make sure nursing is going ok. Of course she could! She sat with me through the ENTIRE feeding and made sure he was latching on well and just talked to me about a lot of baby things.
We went back on Thursday and Jack had put on another 3 oz! We saw Dr. Stefanie that day and she was just as great as Dr. Moore. She spent a TON of time answering my questions about baby routine and immunizations. I honestly felt like they genuinely cared about my baby . . . even after he peed and pooped on both doctors! It was wonderful.
Post-partum thoughts
I’m not sure how to summarize everything that’s gone on over the last week and a half, but here are some random things:
I hate looking pregnant still. Yes, my belly has gone down significantly, but I feel like people still think I look pregnant. I had one person say to me, “You had the baby . . . why do you still look pregnant?” No, it was not a 5-year-old girl. It was a 25-year-old girl. I, of course, left in tears. I know it’s true, but I hated to be reminded of it.
I packed up all of my long-sleeved maternity shirts on Monday. I still wear a lot of the short-sleeved ones. My closet looks really empty. I wish I could just figure out how to make my belly go away faster. I was never super-skinny to begin with, but I just want to look normal again.
My mom came and stayed with me from Wednesday to Saturday and I’m not sure what I would have done without her. She helped so much with Jack and kept me company while Kyle was gone. This kid is lucky to have so many loving grandparents!
Kyle and I took Jack on his first shopping trip on Sunday. He slept the whole time with the exception of when we nursed in the car while Kyle ran into a store. He went to Target, Kohl’s and Home Depot.
We’ve had some good nights, we’ve had some bad nights. Overall, he’s a pretty good baby. Even when he’s keeping us up to the wee hours of the morning, I just look at him and remember what a miracle he is. How could I complain about such a wonderful little boy?!
He nurses well . . . most of the time. Sometimes I feel like there’s no way I’m feeding him frequently enough. Other times, I’m not sure where he puts it!
I kind of went back to work this week. Actually, not kind of. I did go back to work. I did the staff training sessions that I usually do (all of last week the other staff members covered for us). I got ready for the upcoming summer. I’m hoping once camps hit, I won’t be needed as much so I can spend more time with Jack. I feel a little guilty about toting him around so much this week. I started to feel a little bitter too when I realized that if I had him September I could have just stayed home with him for 8 weeks straight. I should make it clear that Dave made it clear to me that if I didn’t come in all summer, it was ok because I needed to take some time for maternity leave . . . so it’s not like I’m a slave to SBC at all. I feel lucky to work in such a flexible environment.
Just an update . . . my carpal tunnel has not gone away. I still have the claw. The swollen ankles have gone down quite a bit but are still pretty puffy at the end of the day. HOW MUCH LONGER?!
Well, Jack’s sleeping, so I should be too. I’ll do my best to keep up with this a little more regularly now that I’m caught up.
I hate looking pregnant still. Yes, my belly has gone down significantly, but I feel like people still think I look pregnant. I had one person say to me, “You had the baby . . . why do you still look pregnant?” No, it was not a 5-year-old girl. It was a 25-year-old girl. I, of course, left in tears. I know it’s true, but I hated to be reminded of it.
I packed up all of my long-sleeved maternity shirts on Monday. I still wear a lot of the short-sleeved ones. My closet looks really empty. I wish I could just figure out how to make my belly go away faster. I was never super-skinny to begin with, but I just want to look normal again.
My mom came and stayed with me from Wednesday to Saturday and I’m not sure what I would have done without her. She helped so much with Jack and kept me company while Kyle was gone. This kid is lucky to have so many loving grandparents!
Kyle and I took Jack on his first shopping trip on Sunday. He slept the whole time with the exception of when we nursed in the car while Kyle ran into a store. He went to Target, Kohl’s and Home Depot.
We’ve had some good nights, we’ve had some bad nights. Overall, he’s a pretty good baby. Even when he’s keeping us up to the wee hours of the morning, I just look at him and remember what a miracle he is. How could I complain about such a wonderful little boy?!
He nurses well . . . most of the time. Sometimes I feel like there’s no way I’m feeding him frequently enough. Other times, I’m not sure where he puts it!
I kind of went back to work this week. Actually, not kind of. I did go back to work. I did the staff training sessions that I usually do (all of last week the other staff members covered for us). I got ready for the upcoming summer. I’m hoping once camps hit, I won’t be needed as much so I can spend more time with Jack. I feel a little guilty about toting him around so much this week. I started to feel a little bitter too when I realized that if I had him September I could have just stayed home with him for 8 weeks straight. I should make it clear that Dave made it clear to me that if I didn’t come in all summer, it was ok because I needed to take some time for maternity leave . . . so it’s not like I’m a slave to SBC at all. I feel lucky to work in such a flexible environment.
Just an update . . . my carpal tunnel has not gone away. I still have the claw. The swollen ankles have gone down quite a bit but are still pretty puffy at the end of the day. HOW MUCH LONGER?!
Well, Jack’s sleeping, so I should be too. I’ll do my best to keep up with this a little more regularly now that I’m caught up.
I'm new here . . .
I’m sitting at my kitchen table with Jack’s head on my chest and his butt balancing on the computer so that I can type with both hands. It’s 12:48 and I’d love to be in bed, but I refuse to complain. If you had told me last year at this time that I’d get to be caring for this little guy, I wouldn’t have believed it. And now it’s here and I feel so blessed that I’ll deal with the late nights! Ok, it’s been a while since I’ve posted a blog, so I should start from a while ago.
The last week and a half has been a whirlwind. I kind of feel like on June 1 someone pressed the “fast forward” button on my life and it’s never going to slow down!
On Thursday (May 31), I worked at camp all day and helped serve dinner at a board meeting. It was really warm and although I had wished he'd have come earlier, I was glad for all of the time I had during the week to get things done for the summer. On Friday (June 1), I kicked it into high gear knowing that it was my absolute last day to get things done. I was so productive . . . I think it was probably one of my most productive days on record! I think most people were surprised to see me at camp on that day because they knew I was going to be induced. Actually, I think most people were surprised to see me for the two weeks leading up to giving birth. But keeping busy helped the time to pass fast.
In that last week, I had a couple of emotional breadowns about all of the normal stuff. Will my baby be healthy? Will we have enough money to provide for him? Will I be a good mom or an utter failure? Kyle was so patient and so good to me. I can honestly say that the last three or four weeks have only increased my love for him.
We got to the hospital at 7:30 on Friday and I was so nervous. When they called to tell me to go ahead and come in for induction, it kind of sent me into a panic. I was struggling to hold back tears as I realized that these last few moments at home for Kyle and I were kind of an end of one life and the beginning of the next. I knew that the next time we were home together, everything would be different. I was excited but really emotional. I do this with everything. At the end of each summer, I get emotional about the fact that we’ll never have another summer exactly like the one we just had. I guess I’m just sentimental and it was elevated due to all of the pregnancy hormones!
We stopped at McDonalds on the way to the hospital. It’s the same McDonald’s that we got breakfast at every morning on our way to Ann Arbor for fertility treatments (and is probably the reason I gained more weight than I should have with this pregnancy). We spent a lot of time reminiscing about the last year and talking about how much had changed. A year ago, we weren’t sure we’d ever be able to have a baby and here I was getting ready to go give birth.
I was just a combination of excited and nervous.
When we got to the hospital our nurse (Heather) took us down to our room and I got changed into my fashionable hospital gown and they put the monitors on me. They monitored my contractions as well as the baby’s heartbeat. We pretty much listened to his heartbeat non-stop for the next 21 hours.
My nurse also started me on an IV with anti-biotic because I tested positive for the Group B Strep virus. While she was getting the IV started, the anesthesia guy came to explain the whole epidural thing and to have me sign and consent. Between listening to the risks of epidurals and having the IV started I started to get pale and thought that I might pass out. Kyle was fanning me frantically with the room service menu. It took about an hour for me to feel ok again. All I could think was, “If I couldn’t get through the IV, how will I ever get through labor?!”
At 10 PM, my doctor (who wasn’t even on call that night, but just stopped in to see how I was doing and to make sure everything was ok) came and found that I was 2 cm dilated and they used a suppository to help me continue to dilate. They came back at 2 AM and found that I was at 4 cm and started the pitocin into my IV.
Here’s what I learned about pitocin: They start at .5 units per whatever length of time and double it every hour until it’s up to 2 units. From there, they add 2 units every hour. I was having contractions from the start every 3 – 4 minutes, but didn’t feel a thing. I thought that was lucky for me! I was wrong.
That night was miserable. The bed was uncomfortable and it was so hard to get any sleep hooked up to an IV, blood pressure monitor, fetal heart rate monitor and contraction monitor. Plus, I was still dealing with swollen hands and feet and that didn’t help much! Needless to say, I was still exhausted in the morning.
My mom and sister came Saturday morning and sat with us for a while. It really helped the time pass quickly. They went to get lunch (and to get lunch for Kyle) and while were gone, my pitocin was bumped up to 20 units (which was as high as the doctor would have let them go). They tried to break my water . . . and they thought they did but there wasn’t much to show for it. I still wonder if my water had broken days before that and the doctors just didn’t believe me! When the contractions hit, they hit with a vengeance. They failed to tell me that even though I hadn’t been feeling any contractions, that when the pitocin finally started working, I would feel them 10 times worse than usual. My mom and sister were there for just a few minutes after the contractions started and I could tell they were upset to see me in so much pain . . . which was hard for me to see. Eventually, they went to the waiting room and it was just Kyle and I. Seriously, Kyle was amazing. You would have thought that he had been through this before because he knew exactly what to do and say to make things as good as they could have been.
The hospital was packed that day (Kyle saw one woman in a wheelchair waiting for them to find a room for her) and there were three c-sections going on and one on deck when my contractions hit. I had to wait two hours for the epidural. It was the longest two hours of my life. Going into the hospital, I wasn’t sure if I wanted an epidural or not . . . for many reasons. But as soon as I had about 10 minutes worth of contractions, I was ready for one. The hard thing was I had to sit perfectly still while they placed the catheter for the epidural . . . that’s really hard in the middle of intense contractions. Once the epidural took effect, I fell asleep almost immediately. I know that my contractions were more intense than most, but I don’t know how women go through hours upon hours of labor with contractions of even half of the strength of mine! Those of you who have been induced and given birth naturally . . . I have a great deal of respect for you. I don’t understand it, but I respect it!
As soon as I got the epidural, they came to check me and, of course now that I was comfortable with my epidural, I was dilated to 10. The doctor wanted me to rest for an hour though before starting to push because the two hours of over the top contractions had tuckered me out. I tried to rest and the nurse ordered Kyle to get some food before the pushing started because he’d need all of his energy too. But Jack didn’t want to wait. About 20 minutes into my “rest time” I started getting awful aches all over my belly and the nurse said it couldn’t wait.
It was at this point that she mentioned that most first time moms push 2 – 3 hours to deliver. I think I blocked that piece of information out during our childbirth classes. 2 – 3 hours?! I couldn’t imagine. At that point, I was determined to get this done and to get it done quickly. Kyle and the nurse (whose name was Deena, by the way . . . we couldn’t have done this without her) were so good at encouraging me. When Kyle could see his head he’d tell me and tell me how much he could see and kept me going by reminding me that as soon as this was over, I could hold my son. I seriously can’t even explain to you how much my love for Kyle increased during this whole thing.
I also saw a whole new side of myself during the process of labor and delivery. I’ve never known how I would respond to that much pain and to be honest, I’m really proud of how well I did. I felt a huge sense of accomplishment! Deena called me a rock star . . . I’m not sure why, but I took it as a compliment. People have asked me which was harder: the contractions or the pushing. They are honestly so different, I can’t even compare them.
After 45 minutes of pushing, Jackson William Luke made his entrance into this world at 5:01 PM on June 2. I don’t think anyone can describe the feeling of seeing your child for the first time until you experience it for yourself . .. whether it be in a delivery room, or in the office of an adoption agency or in a recovery room after a c-section . . . it’s truly amazing and Kyle and I were both overcome with emotion and it is a moment that I hope I will never forget.
He was an absolute conehead when he came out! I had never seen a baby with a head that pointy and I was a little worried at first that it might not go away. But it did within a few minutes. He was beautiful!
Jack cried for less than a minute and then spent the next 30 – 40 minutes just looking at me and Kyle . . . he was quiet and wide-eyed. He was completely awake and seemed to be taking everything in.
Kyle took Jack out to introduce him to our families (and tell them his name that they had been so anxious to find out). The nurses helped me to get to the bathroom and get ready to have visitors. I was a little depressed to see that my ankles, face and hands were still really swollen and that I had gone from looking 41 weeks pregnant to looking 37 weeks pregnant. But I was on such a high that none of it really mattered all that much.
The rest of the evening was spent having visitors and making phone calls to let everyone know the good news!
After everyone left on our first night in the hospital, Kyle and I were just stunned as we looked in the little crib and saw our son laying there. He was so perfect and so amazing. All throughout the night, we would just randomly look over and watch him sleep. Could we have possibly brought this kid into the world? Could he possibly be half Kyle and half me (although I’m glad I pushed him out because he looks so much like his dad I needed something to prove that he was mine too)! The nurses and doctors came in and out throughout the night. I probably got about an hour of sleep total . . . but that hour of sleep was way more restful than any of the sleep I had gotten over the last few weeks. I just kept thinking, “I’m his mother!” It was both a daunting and exciting thought. I just kept praying that God would make me equal to the task.
We were told that we would have to stay at the hospital for 48 hours because I tested positive for the Group B Strep virus. What they really meant is that I would be discharged after 24 hours and Jackson would be discharged after 24 hours. Luckily, they have nesting rooms at U of M that allowed us to stay with Jackson until he was discharged. The second night, we went from a really nice hospital room to a really small nesting room that had a couch with a pull out bed for Kyle and I. The walls were paper thin so we could hear everything going on in the other rooms, but at least we all got a little time to cuddle together in the same bed as a family.
Our nurse that came on after Deena was excellent (her name was Becca). The nurse after Becca, however, was not so great. Her name was Jean. She sound Jamaican and I had a hard time understanding her. She seemed like a very kind woman but was very frustrating. She wouldn’t answer any of my questions about when we’d be discharged and would always answer me with “you don’t need to worry about that.” What kind of answer is that?! Then, when I told her I was frustrated and needed answers to my questions (through tears) she told me I could ask the nurse who came on after her.
Needless to say, by the time we were released on Monday, we were ready to get home. Our staff had all arrived Sunday night and we were sad that we couldn’t be there to greet them, but it just wasn’t good timing!
As I reflect on the whole “birthing experience” I’m beginning to forget a lot. I think that’s the only reason that women choose to have more than one child! But I will never forget the moment that they handed Jack to me. I’ll never forget looking at Kyle and seeing how he looked at me and looked at Jack with so much love. I hope that those memories never fade.
The last week and a half has been a whirlwind. I kind of feel like on June 1 someone pressed the “fast forward” button on my life and it’s never going to slow down!
On Thursday (May 31), I worked at camp all day and helped serve dinner at a board meeting. It was really warm and although I had wished he'd have come earlier, I was glad for all of the time I had during the week to get things done for the summer. On Friday (June 1), I kicked it into high gear knowing that it was my absolute last day to get things done. I was so productive . . . I think it was probably one of my most productive days on record! I think most people were surprised to see me at camp on that day because they knew I was going to be induced. Actually, I think most people were surprised to see me for the two weeks leading up to giving birth. But keeping busy helped the time to pass fast.
In that last week, I had a couple of emotional breadowns about all of the normal stuff. Will my baby be healthy? Will we have enough money to provide for him? Will I be a good mom or an utter failure? Kyle was so patient and so good to me. I can honestly say that the last three or four weeks have only increased my love for him.
We got to the hospital at 7:30 on Friday and I was so nervous. When they called to tell me to go ahead and come in for induction, it kind of sent me into a panic. I was struggling to hold back tears as I realized that these last few moments at home for Kyle and I were kind of an end of one life and the beginning of the next. I knew that the next time we were home together, everything would be different. I was excited but really emotional. I do this with everything. At the end of each summer, I get emotional about the fact that we’ll never have another summer exactly like the one we just had. I guess I’m just sentimental and it was elevated due to all of the pregnancy hormones!
We stopped at McDonalds on the way to the hospital. It’s the same McDonald’s that we got breakfast at every morning on our way to Ann Arbor for fertility treatments (and is probably the reason I gained more weight than I should have with this pregnancy). We spent a lot of time reminiscing about the last year and talking about how much had changed. A year ago, we weren’t sure we’d ever be able to have a baby and here I was getting ready to go give birth.
I was just a combination of excited and nervous.
When we got to the hospital our nurse (Heather) took us down to our room and I got changed into my fashionable hospital gown and they put the monitors on me. They monitored my contractions as well as the baby’s heartbeat. We pretty much listened to his heartbeat non-stop for the next 21 hours.
My nurse also started me on an IV with anti-biotic because I tested positive for the Group B Strep virus. While she was getting the IV started, the anesthesia guy came to explain the whole epidural thing and to have me sign and consent. Between listening to the risks of epidurals and having the IV started I started to get pale and thought that I might pass out. Kyle was fanning me frantically with the room service menu. It took about an hour for me to feel ok again. All I could think was, “If I couldn’t get through the IV, how will I ever get through labor?!”
At 10 PM, my doctor (who wasn’t even on call that night, but just stopped in to see how I was doing and to make sure everything was ok) came and found that I was 2 cm dilated and they used a suppository to help me continue to dilate. They came back at 2 AM and found that I was at 4 cm and started the pitocin into my IV.
Here’s what I learned about pitocin: They start at .5 units per whatever length of time and double it every hour until it’s up to 2 units. From there, they add 2 units every hour. I was having contractions from the start every 3 – 4 minutes, but didn’t feel a thing. I thought that was lucky for me! I was wrong.
That night was miserable. The bed was uncomfortable and it was so hard to get any sleep hooked up to an IV, blood pressure monitor, fetal heart rate monitor and contraction monitor. Plus, I was still dealing with swollen hands and feet and that didn’t help much! Needless to say, I was still exhausted in the morning.
My mom and sister came Saturday morning and sat with us for a while. It really helped the time pass quickly. They went to get lunch (and to get lunch for Kyle) and while were gone, my pitocin was bumped up to 20 units (which was as high as the doctor would have let them go). They tried to break my water . . . and they thought they did but there wasn’t much to show for it. I still wonder if my water had broken days before that and the doctors just didn’t believe me! When the contractions hit, they hit with a vengeance. They failed to tell me that even though I hadn’t been feeling any contractions, that when the pitocin finally started working, I would feel them 10 times worse than usual. My mom and sister were there for just a few minutes after the contractions started and I could tell they were upset to see me in so much pain . . . which was hard for me to see. Eventually, they went to the waiting room and it was just Kyle and I. Seriously, Kyle was amazing. You would have thought that he had been through this before because he knew exactly what to do and say to make things as good as they could have been.
The hospital was packed that day (Kyle saw one woman in a wheelchair waiting for them to find a room for her) and there were three c-sections going on and one on deck when my contractions hit. I had to wait two hours for the epidural. It was the longest two hours of my life. Going into the hospital, I wasn’t sure if I wanted an epidural or not . . . for many reasons. But as soon as I had about 10 minutes worth of contractions, I was ready for one. The hard thing was I had to sit perfectly still while they placed the catheter for the epidural . . . that’s really hard in the middle of intense contractions. Once the epidural took effect, I fell asleep almost immediately. I know that my contractions were more intense than most, but I don’t know how women go through hours upon hours of labor with contractions of even half of the strength of mine! Those of you who have been induced and given birth naturally . . . I have a great deal of respect for you. I don’t understand it, but I respect it!
As soon as I got the epidural, they came to check me and, of course now that I was comfortable with my epidural, I was dilated to 10. The doctor wanted me to rest for an hour though before starting to push because the two hours of over the top contractions had tuckered me out. I tried to rest and the nurse ordered Kyle to get some food before the pushing started because he’d need all of his energy too. But Jack didn’t want to wait. About 20 minutes into my “rest time” I started getting awful aches all over my belly and the nurse said it couldn’t wait.
It was at this point that she mentioned that most first time moms push 2 – 3 hours to deliver. I think I blocked that piece of information out during our childbirth classes. 2 – 3 hours?! I couldn’t imagine. At that point, I was determined to get this done and to get it done quickly. Kyle and the nurse (whose name was Deena, by the way . . . we couldn’t have done this without her) were so good at encouraging me. When Kyle could see his head he’d tell me and tell me how much he could see and kept me going by reminding me that as soon as this was over, I could hold my son. I seriously can’t even explain to you how much my love for Kyle increased during this whole thing.
I also saw a whole new side of myself during the process of labor and delivery. I’ve never known how I would respond to that much pain and to be honest, I’m really proud of how well I did. I felt a huge sense of accomplishment! Deena called me a rock star . . . I’m not sure why, but I took it as a compliment. People have asked me which was harder: the contractions or the pushing. They are honestly so different, I can’t even compare them.
After 45 minutes of pushing, Jackson William Luke made his entrance into this world at 5:01 PM on June 2. I don’t think anyone can describe the feeling of seeing your child for the first time until you experience it for yourself . .. whether it be in a delivery room, or in the office of an adoption agency or in a recovery room after a c-section . . . it’s truly amazing and Kyle and I were both overcome with emotion and it is a moment that I hope I will never forget.
He was an absolute conehead when he came out! I had never seen a baby with a head that pointy and I was a little worried at first that it might not go away. But it did within a few minutes. He was beautiful!
Jack cried for less than a minute and then spent the next 30 – 40 minutes just looking at me and Kyle . . . he was quiet and wide-eyed. He was completely awake and seemed to be taking everything in.
Kyle took Jack out to introduce him to our families (and tell them his name that they had been so anxious to find out). The nurses helped me to get to the bathroom and get ready to have visitors. I was a little depressed to see that my ankles, face and hands were still really swollen and that I had gone from looking 41 weeks pregnant to looking 37 weeks pregnant. But I was on such a high that none of it really mattered all that much.
The rest of the evening was spent having visitors and making phone calls to let everyone know the good news!
After everyone left on our first night in the hospital, Kyle and I were just stunned as we looked in the little crib and saw our son laying there. He was so perfect and so amazing. All throughout the night, we would just randomly look over and watch him sleep. Could we have possibly brought this kid into the world? Could he possibly be half Kyle and half me (although I’m glad I pushed him out because he looks so much like his dad I needed something to prove that he was mine too)! The nurses and doctors came in and out throughout the night. I probably got about an hour of sleep total . . . but that hour of sleep was way more restful than any of the sleep I had gotten over the last few weeks. I just kept thinking, “I’m his mother!” It was both a daunting and exciting thought. I just kept praying that God would make me equal to the task.
We were told that we would have to stay at the hospital for 48 hours because I tested positive for the Group B Strep virus. What they really meant is that I would be discharged after 24 hours and Jackson would be discharged after 24 hours. Luckily, they have nesting rooms at U of M that allowed us to stay with Jackson until he was discharged. The second night, we went from a really nice hospital room to a really small nesting room that had a couch with a pull out bed for Kyle and I. The walls were paper thin so we could hear everything going on in the other rooms, but at least we all got a little time to cuddle together in the same bed as a family.
Our nurse that came on after Deena was excellent (her name was Becca). The nurse after Becca, however, was not so great. Her name was Jean. She sound Jamaican and I had a hard time understanding her. She seemed like a very kind woman but was very frustrating. She wouldn’t answer any of my questions about when we’d be discharged and would always answer me with “you don’t need to worry about that.” What kind of answer is that?! Then, when I told her I was frustrated and needed answers to my questions (through tears) she told me I could ask the nurse who came on after her.
Needless to say, by the time we were released on Monday, we were ready to get home. Our staff had all arrived Sunday night and we were sad that we couldn’t be there to greet them, but it just wasn’t good timing!
As I reflect on the whole “birthing experience” I’m beginning to forget a lot. I think that’s the only reason that women choose to have more than one child! But I will never forget the moment that they handed Jack to me. I’ll never forget looking at Kyle and seeing how he looked at me and looked at Jack with so much love. I hope that those memories never fade.
June 11, 2007
Coming soon . . .
So, I seriously thought that only my mom and Annie Stahr read my blog regularly . . . that is, until I didn't post one for a week and started receiving lots of e-mail about how I haven't blogged in a while. Sorry to keep you all waiting.
Jackson William Luke entered the world at 5:01 PM on June 2 (yes, an entire week late). He is the most precious little boy I've ever seen! I love being his mom and it's a joy to take care of him. Yes, I'm tired, but I'm loving every minute of it.
I've been writing in my own personal diary and am working to edit my entries so that I can post them publicly. If you'll check back within the next few days, I'll have pictures and blogs from the last week.
Thank you all for the love that we've felt over the last week . . . I hope that my blogs will prove to be even more interesting now that I'm a mom rather than just a pregnant lady!
Jackson William Luke entered the world at 5:01 PM on June 2 (yes, an entire week late). He is the most precious little boy I've ever seen! I love being his mom and it's a joy to take care of him. Yes, I'm tired, but I'm loving every minute of it.
I've been writing in my own personal diary and am working to edit my entries so that I can post them publicly. If you'll check back within the next few days, I'll have pictures and blogs from the last week.
Thank you all for the love that we've felt over the last week . . . I hope that my blogs will prove to be even more interesting now that I'm a mom rather than just a pregnant lady!
May 31, 2007
40 1/2 weeks.
Here's what I look like . . . puffiness and all. Hopefully not much longer though. They'll call tomorrow between 4 and 6 to let me know when I can come in for induction (as long as they have the bedspace . . . fingers crossed).
And, as humilating as this is, here are the long awaited pictures of my swollen ankles. Notice that I cropped out my toes . . . pregnant women can't paint their toenails and you can read about the pedicure fiasco from a few weeks ago. I honestly can't believe I'm going to post this. I'll have to post the after pictures when he's born. Oh, and notice the small indent on the inside of my right ankle. THat's from having my legs crossed about 5 minutes before the picture was taken. Nice, huh?
Nevermind. I chickened out.
I'm gonna go enjoy my last night at home as a childless woman!
The Waiting Game
I have to admit that I'm really frustrated with U of M right now. Really frustrated. Remember how two weeks ago, my doctor said that I didn't need to come in for an appointment this week because I would be induced on Friday. And then, the doctor I saw last week said that she really thought it was important for me to come in so they could do an exam and see if there was any progress?
Well, my doctor came in yesterday and listened to he heartbeat and that was it. I told her that the doctor last week had insisted that i come in for this appointment so they could do a full exam. My real doctor said that she didn't feel an exam was necessary. So, basically, because the doctors don't communicate well, I wasted 1/2 a tank of gas and almost an entire day driving to Ann Arbor for an unnecessary appointment. I burst into tears (well more like sobs) as soon as we got into the car because I was so frustrated . . . and because I've had so little sleep and cry a lot more easily when I have little sleep. So, Kyle tried to make the wasted trip a little more worth it by going to walk around at IKEA and took me to get my hair cut.
I had every intention of trying to convince my doctor yesterday that I needed to be induced sooner than Friday. However, on Tuesday night I had a panic attack about how much I still had to get done PLUS I got about 3 hours of sleep . . . which is definitely a record for the last two weeks. SO, I was feeling pretty good when I went in and didn't try and persuade her at all. Last night, I was regretting that decision.
So, they call me tonight to schedule tomorrow's induction. Please, please pray that the induction goes smoothly and quickly. The doctor said that it can take up to 24 hours to get labor going and then who knows how long before the baby is delivered. And, I'm really starting to feel guilty about having staff training as soon as we get home . . . I don't want to deprive Kyle of time with his son or the baby of time with his father. My mom is coming to stay with me while he's on the campout so I'll be ok, but I just feel like maybe we're already going to be messing this kid up by having kyle be gone for 2 1/2 days during his first week of life. Ahhh . . . let the lifetime of guilt begin.
I'm feeling pretty good today. My hands are still killing me and my feet are like tree trunks, but other than that, my spirits are high and I have a relatively positive attitude about everything. I'm nervous about tomorrow, bu the nervousness is outweighed by excitement. I have my e-mail list ready to go so we can send out an announcement (including the long-awaited name) sometime after he's born. Aren't you glad we kept the name a secret? Think about how much excitement that adds! :)
Oh, and I mentioned my haircut before . . . just a word of advice to those who are pregnant . . . don't get your hair cut until after you have the baby. If it doesn't turn out the way you'd like it to, it seems a whole lot worse than it actually is. Let's just say that in my baby's first pictures it will look like he was born to a 45 year old woman.
Ok, I've got a lot to get done today, so I'm headed to camp.
Well, my doctor came in yesterday and listened to he heartbeat and that was it. I told her that the doctor last week had insisted that i come in for this appointment so they could do a full exam. My real doctor said that she didn't feel an exam was necessary. So, basically, because the doctors don't communicate well, I wasted 1/2 a tank of gas and almost an entire day driving to Ann Arbor for an unnecessary appointment. I burst into tears (well more like sobs) as soon as we got into the car because I was so frustrated . . . and because I've had so little sleep and cry a lot more easily when I have little sleep. So, Kyle tried to make the wasted trip a little more worth it by going to walk around at IKEA and took me to get my hair cut.
I had every intention of trying to convince my doctor yesterday that I needed to be induced sooner than Friday. However, on Tuesday night I had a panic attack about how much I still had to get done PLUS I got about 3 hours of sleep . . . which is definitely a record for the last two weeks. SO, I was feeling pretty good when I went in and didn't try and persuade her at all. Last night, I was regretting that decision.
So, they call me tonight to schedule tomorrow's induction. Please, please pray that the induction goes smoothly and quickly. The doctor said that it can take up to 24 hours to get labor going and then who knows how long before the baby is delivered. And, I'm really starting to feel guilty about having staff training as soon as we get home . . . I don't want to deprive Kyle of time with his son or the baby of time with his father. My mom is coming to stay with me while he's on the campout so I'll be ok, but I just feel like maybe we're already going to be messing this kid up by having kyle be gone for 2 1/2 days during his first week of life. Ahhh . . . let the lifetime of guilt begin.
I'm feeling pretty good today. My hands are still killing me and my feet are like tree trunks, but other than that, my spirits are high and I have a relatively positive attitude about everything. I'm nervous about tomorrow, bu the nervousness is outweighed by excitement. I have my e-mail list ready to go so we can send out an announcement (including the long-awaited name) sometime after he's born. Aren't you glad we kept the name a secret? Think about how much excitement that adds! :)
Oh, and I mentioned my haircut before . . . just a word of advice to those who are pregnant . . . don't get your hair cut until after you have the baby. If it doesn't turn out the way you'd like it to, it seems a whole lot worse than it actually is. Let's just say that in my baby's first pictures it will look like he was born to a 45 year old woman.
Ok, I've got a lot to get done today, so I'm headed to camp.
May 28, 2007
Sleepless
I can honestly say that I can't wait to have a baby here to wake me up several times a night. Why? Because being woken up means that I was sleeping in the first place . . . which is something that is not happening now thanks to the carpal tunnel claw. At this point, I would pay good money if there were something that could take the numbness and throbbing away.
I thought maybe it would happen last night. Katie (my sister-in-law) and I walked from the camp back to her parent's house and then I started having pains a few hours later . . . not really contractions, but definite pains. Unfortunately, they stopped.
I'm so cranky right now due to my lack of sleep. I'm about ready to open the door, let Murphy run out and pray that she doesn't find her way home.
Anyway, here's something I read this morning out of Romans (the Message version) that I really like and have decided to use for staff training . . . well, staff training next year when I don't have a newborn:
"If you're a hard worker and do a good job, you deserve your pay; we don't call your wages a gift. But if you see that the job is too big for you, that it's something only God can do, and you trust him to do it—you could never do it for yourself no matter how hard and long you worked—well, that trusting-him-to-do-it is what gets you set right with God, by God. Sheer gift."
As frustrating as it may be, my hope is that my life is full of jobs that are too big for me that I could never do by myself no matter what. I have a feeling the biggest one of those jobs is less than a week away from arrival.
The sermon series at our church for the month of May is called "Building a kingdom household." I know that the theme wasn't picked out exclusively for Kyle and I but it's been so encouraging and challenging during this last month of pregnancy as we think about how we want to start this family off right and our responsibility as parents. You can download the sermons here: http://www.springarborfm.org/media_sermon_archives/ I heard the ones on May 13 and may 27, but not the 20th (though I'm sure it was just as good).
I thought maybe it would happen last night. Katie (my sister-in-law) and I walked from the camp back to her parent's house and then I started having pains a few hours later . . . not really contractions, but definite pains. Unfortunately, they stopped.
I'm so cranky right now due to my lack of sleep. I'm about ready to open the door, let Murphy run out and pray that she doesn't find her way home.
Anyway, here's something I read this morning out of Romans (the Message version) that I really like and have decided to use for staff training . . . well, staff training next year when I don't have a newborn:
"If you're a hard worker and do a good job, you deserve your pay; we don't call your wages a gift. But if you see that the job is too big for you, that it's something only God can do, and you trust him to do it—you could never do it for yourself no matter how hard and long you worked—well, that trusting-him-to-do-it is what gets you set right with God, by God. Sheer gift."
As frustrating as it may be, my hope is that my life is full of jobs that are too big for me that I could never do by myself no matter what. I have a feeling the biggest one of those jobs is less than a week away from arrival.
The sermon series at our church for the month of May is called "Building a kingdom household." I know that the theme wasn't picked out exclusively for Kyle and I but it's been so encouraging and challenging during this last month of pregnancy as we think about how we want to start this family off right and our responsibility as parents. You can download the sermons here: http://www.springarborfm.org/media_sermon_archives/ I heard the ones on May 13 and may 27, but not the 20th (though I'm sure it was just as good).
May 25, 2007
Dr. Pepper, split ends and a PSA
I have never been a water drinker. What I mean is that water was never my drink of choice. Before I was pregnant (or trying to get pregnant) I drank as much diet coke as I should have water. I only drank water when it was necessary (like if I neecded to swallow pills and there was no soda available) or when I had just gone for a run and needed to rehydrate (running? did I really used to run?). Pregnancy has definitely changed this for me. At my first doctor's appointment, my doctor reminded me of how much fluid I should be intaking in order to maintain healthy nutrition for my baby. I gagged at the thought of having to drink that much water in a day. As time went on, I began craving water more and more. At this point, I'm constantly thirsty and can't seek to get enough water.
The thing that isn't great is I hate the water at camp. When I was a camper at SBC, we had a skit night as the last night of every camp. For a skit one year, we "wrote" a song that went something like this: "Hi ho, hi ho, It's off to camp we go. The something I can't remember the words . . . THE WATER TASTES LIKE FISH AND SLIME . .. etc." All of that to say . . . it really does taste bad so I've spent a fortunte on bottled water.
Anyway, I'm off track. So, diet coke doesn't even sound appealing anymore. However, today was different. I haven't had many cravings during my pregnancy but right after lunch, I was craving a Dr. Pepper . . . the irony of which is Dr. Pepper is the only soft drink not available in any vending machine anywhere at Somerset Beach. I told Kyle about my craving and Cindy (my mother-in-law) was sitting there and within 30 minutes she had gone home to get me a Dr. Pepper. I told her she's my favorite mother-in-law ever.
I think one of the smartest things I've done is to continue to work until he's born. Of course, I love my job and I've had a fairly uncomplicated pregnancy so that makes it easy. But, it's really helped to pass the time. And it keeps me from sitting around too much. I only say that tonight because I had a really productive day. I still feel like there's a lot more to do for the summer, but I'm beginning to accept that some of it might not get done.
Kyle took my car to have the tires rotated this week . . . this is the good car. The car that we're not having problems with. The car whose wipers aren't possessed by the devil. The guy who rotated the tires let Kyle know that it was in need of repair . . . $1300 worth of repair. Things just keep getting better and better for us.
While Kyle and I were watching tv tonight, I had two painful contractions. So of course I assumed I was going into labor and did the most logical thing I could think of: I took a shower because I looked like crap. I haven't felt a thing since. Not even a twinge. Oh well. Maybe not tonight. But as I was drying my hair (I certainly couldn't go to the hospital with wet hair) I did realize that I have a lot of split ends and I kind of hope I have a chance to get a haircut before the big day.
TOmorrow's my due date (kind of). My doctor says it's today and the RE clinic said Sunday, so I've just kind of rounded it off to May 26. My cousin gets married tomorrow. I have another friend who gets married tomorrow too. I probably should have RSVPed that I'd be at one of the weddings because I would have been more likely to go into labor tonight if I had plans for tomorrow. THe nurse in triage on Wednesday said the best way to bring on labor is to let the laundry pile up and the house get messy. She says it never fails that the baby will come when you're not ready for him. I'm pretty sure my nesting instinct/obsession won't let me do that though.
So, lastly for tonight, there are a lot of things that people should not do/say to pregnant women that I was completely unaware of before being pregnant (the lady at the party store tonight was discussing the size of my swollen ankles with the other girl behind the counter - seriously, pregnant ladies are NOT deaf). SO, as a public service to all of you, here are a few of them:
1. Don't touch a pregnant woman's belly without being invited to. Actually, that one should be obvious, but for some people it is not. Just ask first.
2. Under no circumstances is it polite to refer to someone as "really big," "huge," "gigantic," etc. Not even a pregnant lady. YOu may think, "Well, she has an excuse for being huge . . . . she's pregnant . . . so it won't bother her to be called that." I used to think that too. BUt we're wrong. While logic tells you that you're huge because of being pregnant, it's never really a morale booster to have someone point it out to you. Same goes for calling parts of a pregnant women's body "huge." Ankles, hands, face, etc. Not allowed. Even if the pregnant lady refers to herself that way, it's not a free pass to also make those comments. Comparing a pregnant woman's entire body to Shrek, after she only said her feet look like Shrek's feet is also unacceptable (you know who you are).
3. Telling someone she's a "cute pregnant lady" is a little trite. It's not necessarily bad to say, but being called "cute" is overused and kind of makes you feel like a baby or a puppy. Finding other things to compliment her on . . . like telling her she looks so happy, or graceful, or beautiful means a lot more than "cute."
4. Don't tell a pregnant women that she looks like she "dropped." It gives her false hope. When she sees her doctor and she finds out that the baby has not dropped, it's really disappointing. Instead, ask "Do you feel like he's dropped?" Or, "What has the doctor said?" Along those same lines, don't ask stupid questions like, "Did the doctor say which day he'd be born?" I wanted to reply to that question with, "Well, when she checked the baby was turned so that we couldn't see his timer so we're still not sure how much time is left."
5. Ask, don't guess, how far along someone is. If you're 30 weeks pregnant and someone guesses that you're due in a week . . . it's a little discouraging.
I know there are more, but these are just the ones I could think of tonight. When talking to a pregnant woman, proceed with caution.
The thing that isn't great is I hate the water at camp. When I was a camper at SBC, we had a skit night as the last night of every camp. For a skit one year, we "wrote" a song that went something like this: "Hi ho, hi ho, It's off to camp we go. The something I can't remember the words . . . THE WATER TASTES LIKE FISH AND SLIME . .. etc." All of that to say . . . it really does taste bad so I've spent a fortunte on bottled water.
Anyway, I'm off track. So, diet coke doesn't even sound appealing anymore. However, today was different. I haven't had many cravings during my pregnancy but right after lunch, I was craving a Dr. Pepper . . . the irony of which is Dr. Pepper is the only soft drink not available in any vending machine anywhere at Somerset Beach. I told Kyle about my craving and Cindy (my mother-in-law) was sitting there and within 30 minutes she had gone home to get me a Dr. Pepper. I told her she's my favorite mother-in-law ever.
I think one of the smartest things I've done is to continue to work until he's born. Of course, I love my job and I've had a fairly uncomplicated pregnancy so that makes it easy. But, it's really helped to pass the time. And it keeps me from sitting around too much. I only say that tonight because I had a really productive day. I still feel like there's a lot more to do for the summer, but I'm beginning to accept that some of it might not get done.
Kyle took my car to have the tires rotated this week . . . this is the good car. The car that we're not having problems with. The car whose wipers aren't possessed by the devil. The guy who rotated the tires let Kyle know that it was in need of repair . . . $1300 worth of repair. Things just keep getting better and better for us.
While Kyle and I were watching tv tonight, I had two painful contractions. So of course I assumed I was going into labor and did the most logical thing I could think of: I took a shower because I looked like crap. I haven't felt a thing since. Not even a twinge. Oh well. Maybe not tonight. But as I was drying my hair (I certainly couldn't go to the hospital with wet hair) I did realize that I have a lot of split ends and I kind of hope I have a chance to get a haircut before the big day.
TOmorrow's my due date (kind of). My doctor says it's today and the RE clinic said Sunday, so I've just kind of rounded it off to May 26. My cousin gets married tomorrow. I have another friend who gets married tomorrow too. I probably should have RSVPed that I'd be at one of the weddings because I would have been more likely to go into labor tonight if I had plans for tomorrow. THe nurse in triage on Wednesday said the best way to bring on labor is to let the laundry pile up and the house get messy. She says it never fails that the baby will come when you're not ready for him. I'm pretty sure my nesting instinct/obsession won't let me do that though.
So, lastly for tonight, there are a lot of things that people should not do/say to pregnant women that I was completely unaware of before being pregnant (the lady at the party store tonight was discussing the size of my swollen ankles with the other girl behind the counter - seriously, pregnant ladies are NOT deaf). SO, as a public service to all of you, here are a few of them:
1. Don't touch a pregnant woman's belly without being invited to. Actually, that one should be obvious, but for some people it is not. Just ask first.
2. Under no circumstances is it polite to refer to someone as "really big," "huge," "gigantic," etc. Not even a pregnant lady. YOu may think, "Well, she has an excuse for being huge . . . . she's pregnant . . . so it won't bother her to be called that." I used to think that too. BUt we're wrong. While logic tells you that you're huge because of being pregnant, it's never really a morale booster to have someone point it out to you. Same goes for calling parts of a pregnant women's body "huge." Ankles, hands, face, etc. Not allowed. Even if the pregnant lady refers to herself that way, it's not a free pass to also make those comments. Comparing a pregnant woman's entire body to Shrek, after she only said her feet look like Shrek's feet is also unacceptable (you know who you are).
3. Telling someone she's a "cute pregnant lady" is a little trite. It's not necessarily bad to say, but being called "cute" is overused and kind of makes you feel like a baby or a puppy. Finding other things to compliment her on . . . like telling her she looks so happy, or graceful, or beautiful means a lot more than "cute."
4. Don't tell a pregnant women that she looks like she "dropped." It gives her false hope. When she sees her doctor and she finds out that the baby has not dropped, it's really disappointing. Instead, ask "Do you feel like he's dropped?" Or, "What has the doctor said?" Along those same lines, don't ask stupid questions like, "Did the doctor say which day he'd be born?" I wanted to reply to that question with, "Well, when she checked the baby was turned so that we couldn't see his timer so we're still not sure how much time is left."
5. Ask, don't guess, how far along someone is. If you're 30 weeks pregnant and someone guesses that you're due in a week . . . it's a little discouraging.
I know there are more, but these are just the ones I could think of tonight. When talking to a pregnant woman, proceed with caution.
May 23, 2007
An update . . .
SO yesterday, I wrote about how today would be my final appointment. Not true. The doctor I saw today couldn't figure out why my real doctor wouldn't want to see me next week (if I haven't gone into labor yet) so we scheduled another one for next week . . . two days before induction day.
TOday's appointment was fairly uneventful. The doctor didn't indicate whether or not he had dropped yet, and I didn't get a chance to ask because all I heard her say was "WOw . . . this baby's not small, is he?!" After that, I was pretty much speechless. I wish I would have asked how big she thinks he is. Are we talking 8 pounds big or 12 pounds big? I did have to be hooked up to the monitor for 30 minutes because his movements have slowed down so much. But everything looks great. I think I was most upset to hear that my baby is "not so small" because of all of the newborn-sized diapers and clothing we have hanging in the closet that might never get used!
I had to be on the monitor once in April too and ironically enough we got the bill for that in the mail when we got home from today's appointment. A whopping $411. I've been frustrated over the past couple of weeks because U of M has a commitment to not doing unecessary tests and procedures in order to keep cost down to patients and insurance companies. That's great, but I wished I would have more assurance that he was healthy and doing ok. After getting today's bill, I have a whole new appreciation for their practices and integrity in healthcare.
The monitor showed that I'm having a lot of contractions . . . just not feeling any of them. I've never wanted to be in pain so much in my entire life! I'm ready to go!
TOday's appointment was fairly uneventful. The doctor didn't indicate whether or not he had dropped yet, and I didn't get a chance to ask because all I heard her say was "WOw . . . this baby's not small, is he?!" After that, I was pretty much speechless. I wish I would have asked how big she thinks he is. Are we talking 8 pounds big or 12 pounds big? I did have to be hooked up to the monitor for 30 minutes because his movements have slowed down so much. But everything looks great. I think I was most upset to hear that my baby is "not so small" because of all of the newborn-sized diapers and clothing we have hanging in the closet that might never get used!
I had to be on the monitor once in April too and ironically enough we got the bill for that in the mail when we got home from today's appointment. A whopping $411. I've been frustrated over the past couple of weeks because U of M has a commitment to not doing unecessary tests and procedures in order to keep cost down to patients and insurance companies. That's great, but I wished I would have more assurance that he was healthy and doing ok. After getting today's bill, I have a whole new appreciation for their practices and integrity in healthcare.
The monitor showed that I'm having a lot of contractions . . . just not feeling any of them. I've never wanted to be in pain so much in my entire life! I'm ready to go!
May 22, 2007
My shadow . . .
I took Murphy for a walk today (yes . . . another attempt to bring labor). I was amazed when I looked down and saw my shadow. I am seriously pregnant. I know that's kind of stating the obvious, but a year ago we were still unsure that I would ever be able to get pregnant. And here I am at the end. I'm so thankful for this life growing inside of me and I can't wait to meet him!
I continue to lose sleep at night over whether or not he'll be healthy. I've also started waking up in the middle of the night worrying that something will happen to Kyle. I've heard that this is normal and also that it's the beginning of a lifetime about worrying about things like this.
We have our last Dr. appointment tomorrow before I either go into labor or am induced. I hope that they can do something to assure me that the baby is healthy. In any case, I have no more than 10 days left!
I continue to lose sleep at night over whether or not he'll be healthy. I've also started waking up in the middle of the night worrying that something will happen to Kyle. I've heard that this is normal and also that it's the beginning of a lifetime about worrying about things like this.
We have our last Dr. appointment tomorrow before I either go into labor or am induced. I hope that they can do something to assure me that the baby is healthy. In any case, I have no more than 10 days left!
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