Hattie at 6 weeks old . . .

. . . weighs 10 lbs, 7 oz and measures 22 1/4 inches.

. . . is finnicky about sleep.  But we're not great about a consistent schedule so that's probably our fault as much as hers.  We're still grasping for routine here.

. . . has not slept a single night away from us.  Her brothers and sister slept in their own rooms from the start, but their rooms were just down the hall from us.  Our bedrooms are a lot more spread out in this house so she sleeps right next to me.  I'm wondering if that's going to come back to bite us.

. . . sleeps well at night (relatively speaking) but has trouble getting back to sleep after she eats.

. . . spends way more time crying for her Mama than her siblings did.  Claire is, well, challenging these days and I often have to put Hattie down to attend to her or her brothers.  It breaks my heart, and usually only lasts for a minute or two, but she'll get so worked up that it sometimes feels like an hour.

. . . has the sweetest smiles.  They just melt my heart.  Sometimes she smiles at me and I wonder if I'll ever be able to put her in a time out.  It just seems impossible.

. . . has her big sister wrapped around her little finger.  Her brothers, too, for that matter.  Every so often, they'll get frustrated when she cries in the car, but for the most part, they're very loving and attentive.  Claire gets the most one on one time with her.  I spend a lot of time protecting her from Claire's love.

. . . seems to poop way more than her siblings.  Maybe it just seems that way, but holy cow.  I feel like I'm constantly changing her diaper.

. . . is always in pajamas.  It's just easier that way now that the weather is cool.  I have some really cute warm weather clothes that she'll never get a chance to wear, and that's a bummer.  I feel bad for not putting her in cute clothes, but that's a lot of work.

. . . had a harder time holding her head up from the beginning.  It's getting better now, but Kyle and I were both a little worried at first because she was a lot "floppier" than the other three.  At her check-up, we found out that her head is the same size as her siblings was, but her height and weight are much smaller.  The doctor said it's probably because her head was so much bigger proportionally, but that she seemed to be developing fine.

. . . does not like tummy time.  Who does, really?

. . . leaves the house every day to go to pick up or drop off siblings, her brothers' games, to the store with mom . . . she's on the go.  She rarely leaves my arms or her car seat though.  It is flu season, after all.

. . . is starting to raise her hands to try and bat at toys dangling above her.  She mostly just lays there and stares at them intensely, though.

Claire at 9.5 months

At 9.5 months, Claire . . .

. . . weighs 21 1/2ish pounds and measures 28 1/2 inches.  Is that right?  I think it is.  I have trouble keeping it all straight.

. . . loves peas and peaches.  Does not like pineapple.

. . . Will stand on her own for a minute or two at a time.  She's taken 2 steps on her own, but really had to be coaxed.  She never falls back to the ground.  She slowly lowers herself and sometimes pauses half way down in a way that makes it look like she's practicing the wall sit.

. . . sleeps 12-14 hours at night and still naps twice a day. Since she's the third child, we're aware of how lucky we are.  Though, she really does okay if we skip her morning nap, so I think it's probably on its way out.

. . . wears 12 - 18 month clothing.

. . . continues to be the happy, easy going baby that she's always been.  Sometimes I can't even believe how great she is.

. . . has a smile that will light up even the darkest of rooms.

. . . stops whatever she's doing and crawls furiously whenever she hears the door open.  Seeing her dad or brothers come in induces arm flapping and squealing.

. . . squeals whenever we take the gate down because she knows it means we're taking her downstairs to play with her brothers.  She loves those boys.

. . . makes a funny little gasping noise (that so reminds me of Bennett) that makes us laugh every time.  Between that and her stink face, she knows how to make us laugh.

Claire at 4 months old

At 4 months old, Claire . . .


. . . loves her mama.  She just stares at me and I stare back.  It's lovely.
. . . weighs 16 lbs, 10 oz. To us, she's still so little . . . about 3 pounds lighter than her brothers were.
. . . rolls both ways.
. . . is rarely where we leave her when we put her down to play.  She rolls or maneuvers herself across the playmat nicely.
. . . can sit only for a a few seconds unsupported before toppling over.
. . . makes bath time difficult by trying to lunge out of the bathtub, toward the faucet.
. . . loves laying on the changing table and chatting.
. . . thinks her dad is hi-larious.
. . . sleeps 11 hours at night.  Napping is hit or miss.
. . . is 26 inches long. That's bout 2 inches shorter than her brothers were.
. . . gnaws on her fingers like they're candy.
. . . loves Sophie the giraffe and her playmat.
. . . wears mostly 6 month and 6 - 9 month clothing.
. . . makes a funny growling noise when she hears her brothers playing "Jungle Book."
. . . has a really girly high pitched squeal that makes us laugh.
. . . curls her tongue up over her lip when she's excited or really concentrating.

Feel sorry for me

Ok, don't really feel sorry for me. I realize that this last week is really NOTHING compared to what some people go through and I'm actually pretty fortunate to have kids as healthy as mine are. I might even read this and laugh someday. Maybe? Or maybe not.

While there was nothing "fun" about this last week, I did like that I was forced to slow down, put everything else aside and just focus on my boys. For that, I am thankful.

TUESDAY
Jack gets a fever and develops a pretty bad cough.

WEDNESDAY
Our car is pronounced dead.

Jack's very sick and very cranky.

THURSDAY
Kyle leaves for the weekend to attend his first grad school classes. Jack's fever starts to dwindle and coughing seems lessened. We had originally planned to go with him and head farther south for a short vacation this week, but with the upcoming tuition payments and our dead car, we decided it wasn't wise. At this point, I was really thinking that the boys and I might have a really great weekend.

FRIDAY
Bennett woke up at 2:30 AM (and hour and a half after I made it to bed) and decided it was morning. He refused to go back to sleep. By 4:30, his temperature was 102. Fantastic.

Jack woke up at 6:00 and I spent the next three hours failing as a parent every time I was tested, due to lack of sleep and two sick, cranky kids. At 9, Brian came to watch them so that I could run some errands. Without that two hour break, I don't think I would have made it through the rest of the day.

Jack and Ben both napped a little and I was able to get some work done. I spent most of the afternoon holding Ben. His temperature was over 103. I talked to the doctor and felt comfortable just letting it run its course, with the aid of some motrin.

That night, Brian and Debbie came to take Jack to dinner. Within minutes of putting Ben to bed, I heard the sound of rushing water. Awesome. It turns out there was a waterfall in the basement. Why? Because of all of the standing water on the floor of the master bathroom. Double awesome.

Brian and Debbie helped me clean up and Brian fixed the toilet problem. I went to check on Ben and he was breathing super fast and it was very labored. His temp was 103.6 again.

So, at 8:30, my mother-in-law and I took Ben to the Emergency Room. That trip deserves it's own post. Let's just say that involved a nurse telling me multiple times that medicine is really "all about science." Oh really, Hippocrates? I had no idea. I am NOT a fan of that hospital and wish I would have listened when my instincts were telling me to drive the extra 30 minutes.

While at the E.R. I realized I hadn't eaten anything since breakfast. No wonder I was so cranky.

Diagnosis: Double ear infection and bronchitis.

SATURDAY
4 hours of sleep. Jack and Ben were both up periodically throughout the night. I felt like I had a newborn again. Overnight, Jack developed a new, worse cough than before. And? You guessed it - another fever. Thanks to my in-laws, I was able to go into town to get Ben's prescription filled and they brought lunch.

Neither of the boys napped well and I spent the rest of Saturday holding them, wiping noses and coming up with creative ways to keep Ben from spitting his medicine back at me.

By Saturday, my arms were feeling like I worked out all weekend because of lugging that 27 lb. child around.

SUNDAY
2 hours of sleep. They both took turns waking up and needing to be soothed back to sleep. I spent the rest of Sunday doing the same thing I did Saturday, though I have little memory of it. I can't remember every being so glad to see Kyle walk through the door than I was that night.

TODAY
Jack was up for 3 hours overnight, but Kyle let me sleep in! It was glorious. Ben still has a fever, but his wheezing and coughing are really sounding so much better. This afternoon, Jack felt warm again, and sure enough . . . another fever. We took them both to our doctor and Jack has his first ear infection and some bronchitis.

Oh, Christmas.

I have never been ready for the holiday season to be over as much as I was this year. I realize that might make me the Scroogiest of them all.

On the Wednesday before Christmas, about a minute after the babysitter walked out the door, I heard Ben in his room coughing. I went in to find him covered from head to toe in vomit. Sick. Kyle and I spent the rest of that afternoon and evening taking turns rocking him and holding him while he threw up every half hour. It wasn't fun. And I knew that the rest of us would get it.

Things were looking up, though, because he stopped throwing up on Wednesday night and resumed eating regularly on Thursday morning. He seemed to be okay, was playing well, eating well . . . so that night we decided to go to Toledo Zoo for the Lights Before Christmas. It was nice, but cold, so we only stayed for an hour or so. Just long enough for the boys to get their picture taken with Santa.

Side note: Jack was so funny about Santa this year. He went to Fantasyland (he kept calling it "Wonderceyland") with my parents earlier in December when he was staying with them.

I asked him, "Did you see Santa Claus there?"

"No, just a guy in a Santa suit."

"How do you know he wasn't the real Santa?"

"I could just tell."

Anyway, on Christmas Eve Kyle wasn't feeling well and by Christmas morning he was throwing up and Ben started all over again. The next day, Jack joined in. I've never done more laundry over the holidays than I did this year.

I don't have any photos from Christmas morning. I bought them super cute coordinating (NOT matching) snowboarding pajamas and they were both stripped down to a diaper before we even opened gifts.

We bought the boys a wooden toy kitchen and "Santa" left a trail of fake fruits and vegetables down to the basement where it was and they were pretty excited to see it.

In the days following Christmas, we had some family gatherings and Ben had a well visit with his doctor. In three months he had grown three inches! He went from the 89th percentile to the 65th percentile in weight and from the 85th percentile to the 98th percentile for height. I think his drop in weight was due to the stomach bug he had been dealing with up to that point. For the last week or so he's been eating us out of house and home, so I can't help but wonder what his weight is now.

On new year's eve, Brian and Debbie came over and we played The Settlers of Catan until well after midnight. It was the first time I had seen midnight on new year's eve since 2005.

It wasn't a horrible Christmas . . . just not one I'd want to do again.

Here are the facts . . .

Here it is. A fast run down of what we've been up to. No witty anecdotes. No recaps of meaningful parenting moments. We're in the midst of Family Camp . . . and that allows little time for anything but, well, caring for the 1500 people on the grounds during Family Camp. Every time we see her, Kyle's grandma asks, "Do you wonder what you did with your time before you had kids?" Yes, yes I do.

So, here are the facts . . . starting with the youngest.

BENNETT.


Ben's few steps have multiplied and he's becoming more and more confident on his feet. He still crawls most of the time, but he's getting there. When I went to pick him up for dinner tonight, Kylie put Ben down and as he toddled over to me, I was choking back tears. He'll be 10 months old a week from now. Where did the last 10 months go? How did he get this big?

He is not a fan of the heat and the fact that we're eating outside for every meal this week has been difficult for him. But with the breeze yesterday and today, meal times have been much easier.

He claps a lot, and will give us the sign for "more" but gets the two motions confused. He says "ba ba ba" every time he see his bottle. He opens and closes his hands when we say bu-bye, but only about half of the time. When Kyle got up and left the table today, he started calling "d-da d-da." That was a first. He definitely knows that the word "brother" is referring to Jack, and sometimes will repeat a "bu-ah" sound when we say it. He only says "ma ma" when he cries, but I'm pretty sure it has nothing to do with me. Oh well . . .

He's CONSTANTLY dirty but I love watching him crawl through the sand, so I don't care. He crawls on his hands and the soles of his feet and kicks up the sand behind him. So funny. I love that kid.

JACKSON.

Jack is also consistently dirty. I can always tell how much fun my kids had in any given day based on the color of their bath water. Disgusting? Yes. True? Also, yes.

He had his three year check-up and it confirmed that he's healthy and developing normally. He's 38 1/2 pounds and 40 inches. He asked the doctor questions continuously and wanted to know why she did everything. He passed his first vision test, which wasn't really much of a surprise.

He LOVES being a staff kid and the privileges it affords. He typically has 30+ people, including his grandparents and great grandparents to give him attention at any given time. He also has two playgrounds, a lake, a petting farm, and, well, an entire camp at his disposal. He lives a charmed life. And the golf cart rides . . . oh, the golf cart rides. We can pretty much get him to do anything if bribed with a ride on the golf cart.

He'll tell anyone he meets about how he's heading to preschool in the fall, while I stand behind him trying to hold back the tears associated with my oldest child going to school. While he still throws the occasional screaming fit, they're much farther apart. I think about how challenging last summer was with him and I'm so grateful to be on the other side of that.

He still says all kinds of funny things on a daily basis. Yesterday morning, he asked which way his Dr.'s office is. Kyle said, "It's east, the direction that the sun rises." And Jack replied, "Not in my world! All things are possible with God in my world so the sun doesn't rise in the east!" There's just no reasoning with a three year old.

On Tuesday night at bedtime, he told me all about how he's going to work where his mom and dad do telling kids about Jesus. I asked what he would tell them and he said, "That he's their friend and that he loves them and that we'll see God when Jesus comes back one day." A huge thanks to our staff for the time that they invest in my kids. We talk about this stuff all the time with Jack. But when the counselors that he looks up to so much tell him about Jesus, it really sticks.

KYLE.
My dear husband spent all afternoon on Sunday installing a part on our Explorer to stop the shaking. On Monday, I drove it into town, and it died when I was about a mile from camp . . . from something completely unrelated to what Kyle had been fixing. The mechanic says that it's gone . . . totally dead. My father-in-law thinks it's still fixable, so they're going to give it a go. Otherwise, we'll be in the market for a replacement vehicle. But maybe not until the fall . . . I think we can manage with one car until then.

When they went to tow the Explorer back from the mechanic, they got caught in a bad storm and had some issues, which almost resulted in wiping out a row of vehicles at a used car lot. I gave him permission to be cranky for a while after that.

Meanwhile, we're using one car . . . the car with the air conditioning that stopped working a few weeks ago. Awesome. These 90 degree+ days have been super fun.

ME.
I've been walking/running every other morning. I've been using the C25K app for my iphone and have been fairly consistent. I can't say that I look forward to it, but I need the exercise. I've even stayed consistent through the pesky cold I've had over the last week . . . which is something of which I'm proud.

As much as I like to whine about Family Camp, I really do enjoy this week each summer. I was reminded today how fortunate I am to have my job, and how much I really do love it.

My late nights are spent getting ready for The Most Wonderful Time of the Year, and processing oodles and oodles of photos.

My week on twitter . . .

An abbreviated look at a few of the things you might have missed if you don't follow me on twitter . . .

MONDAY

• Grocery shopping with two [for the first time] this afternoon . . . a little scared.
• Our carpet was cleaned and deodorized today . . . I heart Stanley Steemer.
  

TUESDAY

• Someone said I was "moving slow" because they e-mailed me 2 1/2 hours ago and I'm just now getting back with them. I set the bar too high.

WEDNESDAY

• Ben is 1 month old . . . 12 pounds, 11 ounces. He beat Jack by over a pound!

THURSDAY

• Happiness is . . .
  
  

• Jack: Will you cuddle with me? Me: Sure . . . for one minute. Jack: Two minutes. Me: One minute. Jack: One minute and a little more?

FRIDAY

• Jack: Thank you God for mom. Me: Aww, thanks, Jack. Jack: Congratulations, Mom.

SATURDAY

• Thank you to the mcdonalds employee who was gracious enough to not make fun of me when I tried to put my arm out of my closed window . . .

SUNDAY

• The fact that it's 3:56 rather than 4:56 doesn't make being awake right now any more fun.
• Jack just put his football in timeout and then said "oh did you hit me? well you can stay there longer now"

I could have been a doctor . . .

I went in for a check-up today and it was . . . well, boring. Everything's looking great. The nurse told me to get undressed from the waist down because they were going to do my GBS test today. Which confused me, because I know they usually prefer to wait and do that between 36 and 38 weeks. I should have questioned her, because I was right. The doctor was a little confused as to why I was undressed, but she did the test anyway because . . . well, I'm not sure why. If I go a week late, though, we'll have to do it again. Which we'll probably have to pay for again.

Speaking of . . . we got the bill for my day o' fun in the hospital a few weeks ago. I can't even write about it without tearing up. It's overwhelming. It's outrageous. We were planning on getting new carpet and flooring throughout our entire house at some point this winter, but the bill is about that much . . . so guess where the money is going now. All for a pointless trip to the hospital. Ugh. So, buy more cards.

I shouldn't be complaining. Had we incurred this extra cost when I was pregnant with Jack, it would have been much more problematic. I'm grateful that we can afford it . . . even if it means living with stinky, stained carpet a while longer. There are much worse things we could be dealing with . . . and I'm grateful for what we do have.

Jack is (officially) 2 years old

Yes, he's been 2 years old for over a month but he just had his well visit with the doctor this week. Here are the highlights:

• His weight has slowed down a little, but his height is still off the charts. 94th percentile for weight (33 lbs), 95th percentile for head circumfrence and 115th for height (38.5 inches). The nurse (who we really like, so it's ok that she did this) looked us both up and down and said, "Where is he getting his height from?!" Good question. My dad and brother are tall. Kyle's brother is tall. Jack just got the right genes, I guess.
  
  
• He's developing normally. I wasn't really concerned about anything in particular, but it's always good to hear. We did get a little "development activity booklet" that I'm supposed to do with him and send back. I'm hoping to get to it sometime before his third birthday.
  
  
• Jack asked the nurse and doctor questions about EVERYTHING they did. It was half amusing and half annoying. What's that? What you doing? Where she go?
  
  
• He's obsessed with asking, "What time it is?" even though our response never means anything to him. He also gives us arbitrary times that he thinks things will happen. For example, when the nurse left the office he asked where she went and I said, "She'll be back in a few minutes." And he said, "Yeah, at one-firty." Nope.
  
  Earlier this week, his grandma asked him how long he had napped and he replied, "An hour and half." Nope, again.
  
  
• Side note: He LOVES to do anything he can to help. This morning, he said, "Mama, you need socks?" I replied affirmatively.
  
  "Would you like me get you some?"
  
  "Sure, Jack."
  
  "How 'bout these?"
  
  "No, not those ones."
  
  "How 'bout these cute ones?"
  
  Funny kid.
  
  
• At his appointment, he had to get his last immunization shot until he's 5. I made the mistake of not telling him it was coming. I just leaned across him like I normally do and tried to distract him. He kept saying, "What she doing? What Terri doing?" and I just kept trying to divert his attention. The look of concern grew across his face as he realized that I wasn't answer his questions. He looked really betrayed when he got stuck with the needle and I wish I had just told him that he would be ok and that it might hurt just a little. I think he's old enough now to understand it and I think he would have been less upset knowing it was coming. Maybe not. Oh, well.
  
  
• He had his two-year auditory screening and he didn't pass on his left side. The doctor is going to re-check it when I bring the baby in for his check-ups in September/October.

1.6 pounds

I had my first prenatal appointment yesterday and all is well with baby and me. They did an ultrasound and I saw the little guy's stumpy arm waving at me. It took my breath away.

There's a baby in there. A real, live baby.

And he just got there all by himself. I mean, without the help of any doctors or nurses or really uncomfortable procedures. Amazing. The doctor again referred to this pregnancy as "spontaneous." For some reason, I giggle a little bit every time they say that. It makes me sound like I'm the Virgin Mary or something.

Anyway, they agreed with the RE clinic that I'm about in my 13th week. I've gained 1.6 pounds but it feels like I've gained 16 pounds. I'm going to try and not gain as much as I did with Jack, but I can almost guarantee that this will be the last update about my weight that I'll publish here.

A great response to a hot topic

I've followed my doctor's recommended plan for Jack's vaccinations. I discussed the issue with both doctors in the practice when Jack was first born and I felt comfortable with their responses. I still do. Sort of.

Over the weekend, I sold a card to a mom who had a blog link in her signature. Naturally, I checked it out. The top post was one on the issue over whether or not autism and vaccines are at all related . . . which, unless you've been living under a rock, you know is a hot issue among parents right now.

When completing her sale, she had mentioned that one of her boys is autistic, and because I have issues with staying inside what are regarded as normal personal boundaries, I sent her an e-mail asking her if I could know more about her story with her oldest son. Her response was really educational, and not at all like the typical fanatic response that you might get from either end of the autisum/vaccine spectrum (did anyone see Matt Lauer's interview with Nancy Snyderman?).

Anyway, I asked her if I could post a portion of her note here, and she was very willing. Her oldest son Tom, was diagnosed with autism at 2 years, 10 months. Her youngest son is Hank.

She send some .pdf files with alternative vaccination schedules and I'll be discussing them with my doctor at Jack's 18 month check-up in December. If you'd like copies, contact me and I'm happy to forward them to you.

Keep in mind, this is kind of a soapbox issue for me - I've completely changed my mind about all of this, and ultimately I think we all just have to pray and punt!

My dad is a doctor, and I've never been an "alternative" kind of person before. I've always been all for air-conditioning, Diet Coke, preservatives, etc..... ;)

Tom is fully vaccinated - at least vaccinated up 'til about age 4. No more, though. My 2nd son, Hank, was vaccinated on a regular schedule, but our pediatrician (who's actually old friends w/ my dad, and is probably one of the top pediatrician's in Dallas) actually said to me, before the MMR, without me even asking.... "I don't think vaccines and/or the MMR have anything to do with autism - but, having said that - there's no reason we can't delay the MMR for Hank - especially since he has a brother with autism."

I was actually sort of surprised, because I'd always thought all those crazy moms who thought that vaccines caused their children's autism were just looking for something to blame, and probably a little crazy. :) Tom never had an obvious regression, like so many kids I know now, and he didn't have chronic poop issues, ear infections, or rashes, which can all be early indicators of vaccine reactions.

Tom had been diagnosed for 2 years before I really bought into a lot of the vaccine argument. We did stop vaccinating Hank just before his MMR, and we haven't started up again, although we will.

The science now says that some people are able to detoxify better than others - that's a genetic thing. It's like a bucket. If our bodies were all buckets, we'd maybe have 3 holes in the bottom for drainage. So as we throw in vaccines, preservatives in our foods, junk in the air, aluminum cans, mercury fillings, etc.... normal people can drain all that gunk out pretty well. But for some kids, like Tom, we found out that he only has the equivalent of one hole in his bucket. So at some point, as we slosh all that gunk in (gunk being a technical term, of course!) at some point, the bucket's going to overflow. That's what a lot of autism researchers are now calling our toxic "tipping point." The problem is, there's not really a way to test babies to see how well they detoxify ahead of time - and we vaccinate all kids the same way at the same time.

My personal belief is that first, Tom was created exactly who he was meant to be -and that he is precious and created for a purpose. Having said that, I also think that there were many things stacked against him from the beginning which may have pushed him down in to autism. I have ADD, and now chronic fatigue syndrome (I know, sounds like Debbie Downer!), but I only had the 10 or so vaccines they were giving in the early 70's. My goal is just to remove as many obstacles for Tom as I can so he can be the best precious little Tom he can be!

I do think there is a purely genetic version of autism - but that it's more the 1 in 50,000 it was 20 years ago. I think all the autism we see now is a combination of genetics and environment. The 1 in 150 number the CDC quotes all the time is for 14 year olds - 8 year olds in 2002. The number now is more like 1 in 67, and it's 4:1 boys to girls. Scary!!

When I was pregnant, I had (and still have) 4 amalgam fillings, which are 50% mercury, I had a flu shot in my first trimester of pregnancy (not thimerosol-free, even though it was available), Tom then had 3 flu shots (with Thimerosol) in his first 3 years of life, and his DTaP had mercury in it. Plus, having so many vaccines in such a short period of time is making a lot of kids, including Tom, have some autoimmune problems.

It was Tom's labs I finally did, 2 years after he was diagnosed, that convinced me. He had porphyrin tests (a measure of heavy metal body burden in the kidneys, brain, etc.) that came back saying he had toxic levels of mercury, lead, and this specific pesticide built up in his brain. Ugh. Even my old-school plastic-surgeon dad was shocked. Tom also had major brain inflammation and oxidative stress, which are all inter-related. So we started doing some alternative things, like IV chelation (which gets rid of metals) and he started getting significantly better. Lots of his therapists were shocked and wondered what he'd been doing since the change was so dramatic.

He still has a long way to go, but he's getting close, and closing the gap!

My feeling is that he might have had ADD or something like that, but that all the crud that got to him so early pushed him down into autism. But I don't think I'll ever know for sure!

But the thing is, I think there's a happy medium. I do believe our current vaccine schedule is wayyyyy too many, wayyyyy too soon. There are not very hard ways of just spacing them out, even, and kids can be funny immunized by kindergarten but not take quite as much of a risk. Do I think that will help? Who knows. But, there's no harm, except the inconvenience, so if I had it to do all over again, I'd probably do Dr. Cave's version, which is on that blog I posted. [This is one of the links she sent me . . . let me know if you'd like it.]

I've been to conferences around the country, I'm on all kinds of websites and blogs, keeping up with all the research, and I think you'll see much much more come out in the next few years.

There's tons of interesting info on the generationrescue.org website. Like vaccinated vs. unvaccinated studies (autism risk a jillion times higher in vacc.). All those people who get on the news saying that there's no controversy about vaccines and autism are simply wrong. It's still controversial, there are valid points on both sides, but there's enough real science now to convince me that it's definitely at least a factor.

Hope that wasn't too preachy!! I've just seen so many sad stories - we're one of the lucky ones since Tom is so high-functioning now. But I know so many moms whose kids regressed right before their very eyes.

Look, mom! No hands!

Moments before I grabbed my camera to snap this picture, Jack was standing at the window . . . with his hands folded. He wasn't holding on to anything. I was stunned for a moment and when I grabbed my camera, I startled him and he fell.

Someone once asked me how we got Jack to start crawling and standing. I told her that we do what the parents of every 9-month old do: Protein shake for breakfast, Power Bar for lunch, calisthenics every night before bed . . . . No? Really? Is that just us? I think the walking/crawling/motor development thing kind of ends up being like your ACT score was when you were in high school. It seemed like a big deal at the time, but no one really cares once you hit two or three years old. Though, I'm sure somewhere there's a 29-year-old out there telling all of his friends (who are simultaneously rolling their eyes) about getting a 34 on his ACT.

Jack had his 9-month check up on Thursday. I assumed that he would be 25 lbs by now because he was 24 lbs, 2 oz at a sick visit in January. And Jack does things like gain several pounds over the course of 1 1/2 months. But, he actually lost 2 ounces. No one seemed that concerned . . . because he's still a whopping 24 pounds! He did grow two inches over the last three months though. She also said that he should stop eating baby food and start eating off of our plates (with the exception of milk, eggs and peanut butter, of course). He can have whatever we're having for a meal. That's a lot of pressure to eat healthy. When the doctor felt around in his mouth she said that his one-year molars were about to come through. He only has TWO TEETH on the bottom and now he's getting molars? That can't be right . . .

Starting to see the curve

Jack had his 6 month check-up today and his growth curve is actually starting to be a curve (instead of the straight line that it's been since the day he was born). He's actually started to slow down a little. My fears of having the only 4000 lb 9-year-old in the fourth grade are beginning to lessen.

We discovered that our bathroom scale is wrong, because it weighed him at 23.5 pounds the last couple of weeks, but he weighed in today at 22 lbs, 10 oz. This is great because it also means that I weigh a little less than I thought I did . . . every little bit helps me feel better! He's also 29 inches long.

They said he was doing great and meeting all of his benchmarks and milestones, but that he needs more tummy time because his neck isn't developing symmetrically (I think that's what he called it). Will I ever be giving this kid enough tummy time? When he's on the floor, he can roll himself to his belly or his back as he chooses . . . I don't have a lot of control over it anymore. And he's pretty much done with the exersaucer now . . . now that he can get around I think it's become a little prison-esque. The doctor didn't act like it was a big deal, but when he told us to make sure he was getting more tummy time, I just laughed a little in side because the only way to fit more of that in is to feed him while he's on his tummy and change his diaper while he's on his tummy. He's sitting on his own, he's crawling and at times, pushing from his belly to a sitting position . . . but whoops, I forgot to make sure his neck is developing symmetrically. Silly me.

The most exciting part of my day happened when I was standing at the window making his future appointments and I looked at the board of Christmas cards they had behind the desk. I was studying them and then all of a sudden I thought, "SOMEONE STOLE MY CHRISTMAS CARD DESIGN!" I couldn't believe it! I looked a little closer and realized that it was Maria's Christmas card and I was the one who designed it for her. Whew. Her girls go to the same pediatrician (who we absolutely love, by the way . . . you can read here about our first trip to our original pediatrician and why we're relieved to have one that we love).

Speaking of Christmas Cards . . . they've been selling like crazy. I've sold a few on etsy and a TON on ebay. Thanks to those of you who purchased them and/or told your friends.

Alright, I hear Jack laughing like a madman at Kyle so I want to go join in the fun!

P.S. One morning this week, we left Jack on our bed while we were getting dressed and he crawled right off the edge. I've never been so panicked in all of my life as a parent. He had a good cry and was fine, but it opened our eyes to how things need to change now that he's mobile. I felt like putting this in a "P.S." would make it seem a little less traumatic than it actually was for us. There. I've confessed to my negligence as a parent . . . for the whole Internet to see.

Today

Jack slept through the night and until 7 AM today! That would have been great, but I was supposed to be heading out the door for my doctor's appointment at 7 AM, and I woke up at 6:45. I just assumed Jack would wake me up on time for me to get ready and go. This is the same appointment that I missed a couple of weeks ago and I ended up being pretty late. Oh well.

While I was in the examination room waiting for the doctor, I could hear muffled voiced in the room next door . . . followed by the sound of a baby's heartbeat. I had forgotten what a fantastic sound that is. I always teared up a little every time I heard it at my monthly appointments. I remember hearing it for the first time when he had only existed for 7 weeks and was the size of a grain of rice. It's so weird to think that my little boy was the same kid whose heartbeat I listened to from the outside. I was telling Kyle this week that I can't really remember what it was like to be pregnant. Not in an amnesia sort of way, but I just don't remember what it felt like to have him kick me or even how badly my wrists and hands bothered me.

My nostalgia has been heightened even more by the fact that Kyle took the bassinet out of our room and put it in storage down in the basement. Kristen and Brett have the same bassinet as we do. When they put theirs together, they discovered that the weight limit on it is 15 lbs. Jack's definitely beyond that. Plus, he's almost 3 months old and we don't use it that often anyway. My baby's growing up! Did you know that size 3 diapers start at 16 lbs!? He's only been in size 2 for 3 or 4 weeks!

Alright, time to get some shut eye. Good night!

Explanation of How We're Going to Screw You Over

I received our "Explanation of Benefits" from our insurance company for Jack's doctor's appointments thus far. I really feel that they should be called "Explanation of How We're Going to Screw You Over" (EOHWGSYO) because inevitably, that's what they are. And today was no exception to that rule.

I read in our information that Jack's "Well Baby" visits and immunizations were covered 100% by our insurance company. A part of the reason I wanted to have a baby was just so that we could get something from our insurance company that was covered 100%.

So, imagine my surprise when I get the EOHWGSYO from the insurance company and it says we owe $273 for his latest check up and immunizations. "How could that be?" I asked myself. These check-ups are clearly marked as "Covered - 100 percent of the approved amount, no deductible required" in benefits guide. I had several people tell me how lucky I am to have that coverage, and I agreed. We're already trying to figure out how to pay off the thousands that we owe for hospital costs and other debt in our life, so having something covered 100% was . . . well, it was just nice not to have to worry about it.

However, tonight I saw the fine print. Isn't it funny how bad news is so often in the fine print? On our benefits guide it says, "Preventive Care Services - Payment is limited to a combined $500 annual maximum for covered preventive care services." $500. Why even say you'll cover these visits and immunizations 100% if you'll only cover it up to $500? You can't get 2 well-baby visits and all of the immunizations for $500 . . .so how can you possibly get all 6 that the insurance company allegedly covers? It's impossible. The real kicker is that if these "preventive" visits were billed as regular office visits, we'd only have to pay our usual 20% co-pay. The other thing that really gets me is that the doctor's office that told me I was going to cause brain damage to Jack also billed my insurance and will be sending me a bill for the remaining balance. How is this fair?

So, I lost it tonight. I broke down into the ugly cry again. I kept thinking about how if Kyle had a teaching job, we'd have a lot less hospital bills, Jack's doctor's visits would be covered, plus we'd have more money. I kept thinking about how if we had saved our extra money three years ago, we wouldn't be in so much debt now. I keep thinking about the horrible, horrible mortgage that we got fooled into signing off on and how the market's so bad right now so selling or refinancing are years away from being options. I kept thinking about how the camp doesn't provide housing for us and how nice it would be not to have a house payment. I kept thinking about how we may literally never be able to retire. I cry even as I type this because I feel a little like I'm drowning. Kyle keeps reminding me that God has always provided and will continue to provide, but at what point is the issue not God's provision, but us having to live with the consequences of spending rather than saving during the earlier years of our marriage.

I love Jack and know that he was worth every penny that went (or will be paid) toward infertility treatments and hospital bills, but I wish I could go back 5 years and change a few things. I know it's crazy, but I keep hoping we'll just win the lottery (which means I'd actually have to go buy a ticket) or have all of the debt erased. I constantly come back to to this recurring thought of how great I'd feel to have all of our debt erased.

One day as I was dreaming about what it would be like to be debt-free, I realized that the freedom that would come from having our financial debt erased is nothing compared to the freedom that we have from having our sin erased. As trite as it may sound, Jesus died to pay a debt far greater than anything we owe to any hospital or credit card company. I'm blessed just to not have to carry the burden of my sin any longer. I need to live each day realizing that there is a freedom greater than financial freedom that is already mine. Praise God!

I guess I need to stop stressing about retirement and start praising God for how he provides for us each day. My prayer for tonight is that God will use us despite our financial woes and that we will be able to make wise financial decisions. And that we will win the lottery.

Unfit Parent, Part 2

I missed Jack's 2-week check-up today. I mean 2 months. I guess I could have gone back and deleted "week" and substituted "month," but it seems more honest this way.

Anyway, It's just one more thing to add to my "I'm an unfit parent because . . ." list. I thought for sure the appointment was on Tuesday, but it was today. The best part of the whole story is Kyle saying to me this afternoon, "Didn't Jack have a doctor's appointment today?" That would have been a lot more helpful if it had been said in the morning. So, we're out a $25 no-show fee and we're going on Wednesday now.

When I got off the phone with the nice lady who told me that I missed the appointment, I burst into tears. Not just normal crying, but ugly crying. You know . . . the kind where your face contorts into all kinds of unpleasant shapes and you get all red and blotchy. I'm still not sure why. Can postpartum depression begin at 2 months? I don't honestly think I'm depressed, but I've definitely been more down over the last week or two.

I also had my follow up appointment at my doctor's office on Friday. Except I was at the beach with our staff on Friday. Whoops. I'm getting pretty good about missing appointments.

I know that money can't buy happiness, but I honestly think I would be happier if I were independently wealthy. Kyle just entered us in a sweepstakes where we could win a new house or $125,000 in cash. Fingers crossed.

Whoa, baby!

My baby weighs 14 lbs. My 8-week old baby. 14 lbs.

The doctor's appoinment went well . . . he probably has the same thing I had last week.

But seriously. 14lbs. Wow.

Pediatric nuclear medicine?

Jack and I both had appointments at our doctors offices yesterday. Mine was my 6-week post-partum check-up and Jack’s was for an bilateral ultrasound of his hip to rule out DDH . . . which both my sister and I were born with. His appointment went fine. He slept through all of the turning and moving that the ultrasound required. In fact, he slept pretty much all day (but more on that later).

As we were walking to pediatric radiology we passed an area of the children’s hospital called the “Pediatric Nuclear Medicine” department. What on earth goes on there? I’m just glad that we didn’t have to go there.

My appointment . . . well, didn’t go as well. It seems that I haven’t been healing well . . . and by that I mean I’ve healed into raw open sores. What do they do about that? They burn the sores with silver nitrate to make them heal. Ouch. I get to go back in two weeks so they can do it again. It just keeps getting better and better.

Last night, Kyle stayed home with Jack while I went with Joy to see "License to Wed." It’s received some bad reviews but I LOVED IT! I think whoever made the movie asked, “How much of what Sara thinks is funny can we cram into this?" I thought it was hilarious. Even the parts that I didn't laugh out loud at were amusing to me. It won't win any cinematography (is that a word or did I just make that up) awards, but I thoroughly enjoyed it. Then again, maybe I was just enjoying getting out of the house!

So, back to Jack. Is it possible for a 7-week old to teethe? Well, I know it's possible, because I just googled it. But is it possible that my 7-week old could be teething? I seriously hope not. Here are the symptoms:

• Major, uncontainable drooling
• Long naps all morning and afternoon
• Incessant crying all evening
• Constantly sucking on his fist
• Seems to "gum" his pacifier on the right side of his mouth
• A little hard white spot appearing on the right side of his mouth
• Tylenol helps

If you know of anything else that could be causing these symptoms, PLEASE let me know! I don't think I'm going to be able to handle my 7 week old having teeth. WHen I talk about the symptoms to other people, it seems that "teething" is the first thing they jump to, but I feel like it just can't be true. Would't that make breastfeeding that much more of a challenge! Where did this kid come from?

Jack the tank

The nurse called Jack a "tank" at his one month check up on Thursday. He weighed in at 11 pounds, 5 ounces and measured 23 inches long. No wonder my arms are so sore!

Our week off was fairly laid back, but I still feel tired. I wish I had another week! Kyle and I shopped on Monday and JJ, Debbie and Joy came to hang out later. On Tuesday night, we celebrated Katie's birthday. On Wednesday, we went to my Aunt Kathy's house for the Fourth of July. Thursday was Jack's appointment and we spent the rest of the day at my parents. Today we just hung out and tried to do some work to get ready for next week. Pretty boring.

It's hard to believe that my baby's already one month old! He is smiling and laughing like he's been doing it for months! Here is a link to his one month pictures that I took:

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=31668&l=1b75e&id=500475206

I'm so tired, but I'll write more (hopefully something more interesting) later.

The heavyweight

Well, Jack had another weigh-in today . . . 9 lbs, 8 oz! Our goal was fir him to be back to his birth weight but he was almost a pound over it! He's eating like a champ! Kyle was able to meet the doctor today, which was nice. It was a great morning!

I've been feeling a little guilty about the fact that I went back to work when Jack was only a week old. I guess I should say that I continue to feel guilty about that. It's gone well and he seems to like being toted along in his sling and stroller but I guess I just feel bad when people give me shocked looks when I tell them he's 1 1/2 weeks old and they see me working. We have a pretty good routine down though.

I know Kyle doesn't care . . . especially because me being at camp with Jack means he gets to see him more! I think he's mostly worried that I'm not taking care of myself. But he must remember that I can handle more than most people can . . . in fact, I think I'd be getting bored at home. But I'd probably be getting more sleep too.

Today is the last day of staff training, so hopefully once camps start, I'll be a little more free.

I've been posting pictures of Jack on myspace because it's such a pain to post them here. But I just found out that people without a myspace account can't view them (and I think I only have one friend who that applies to). So here are some for your enjoyment: