May 31, 2007

40 1/2 weeks.

Here's what I look like . . . puffiness and all. Hopefully not much longer though. They'll call tomorrow between 4 and 6 to let me know when I can come in for induction (as long as they have the bedspace . . . fingers crossed).

And, as humilating as this is, here are the long awaited pictures of my swollen ankles. Notice that I cropped out my toes . . . pregnant women can't paint their toenails and you can read about the pedicure fiasco from a few weeks ago. I honestly can't believe I'm going to post this. I'll have to post the after pictures when he's born. Oh, and notice the small indent on the inside of my right ankle. THat's from having my legs crossed about 5 minutes before the picture was taken. Nice, huh?

Nevermind. I chickened out.

I'm gonna go enjoy my last night at home as a childless woman!

The Waiting Game

I have to admit that I'm really frustrated with U of M right now. Really frustrated. Remember how two weeks ago, my doctor said that I didn't need to come in for an appointment this week because I would be induced on Friday. And then, the doctor I saw last week said that she really thought it was important for me to come in so they could do an exam and see if there was any progress?

Well, my doctor came in yesterday and listened to he heartbeat and that was it. I told her that the doctor last week had insisted that i come in for this appointment so they could do a full exam. My real doctor said that she didn't feel an exam was necessary. So, basically, because the doctors don't communicate well, I wasted 1/2 a tank of gas and almost an entire day driving to Ann Arbor for an unnecessary appointment. I burst into tears (well more like sobs) as soon as we got into the car because I was so frustrated . . . and because I've had so little sleep and cry a lot more easily when I have little sleep. So, Kyle tried to make the wasted trip a little more worth it by going to walk around at IKEA and took me to get my hair cut.

I had every intention of trying to convince my doctor yesterday that I needed to be induced sooner than Friday. However, on Tuesday night I had a panic attack about how much I still had to get done PLUS I got about 3 hours of sleep . . . which is definitely a record for the last two weeks. SO, I was feeling pretty good when I went in and didn't try and persuade her at all. Last night, I was regretting that decision.

So, they call me tonight to schedule tomorrow's induction. Please, please pray that the induction goes smoothly and quickly. The doctor said that it can take up to 24 hours to get labor going and then who knows how long before the baby is delivered. And, I'm really starting to feel guilty about having staff training as soon as we get home . . . I don't want to deprive Kyle of time with his son or the baby of time with his father. My mom is coming to stay with me while he's on the campout so I'll be ok, but I just feel like maybe we're already going to be messing this kid up by having kyle be gone for 2 1/2 days during his first week of life. Ahhh . . . let the lifetime of guilt begin.

I'm feeling pretty good today. My hands are still killing me and my feet are like tree trunks, but other than that, my spirits are high and I have a relatively positive attitude about everything. I'm nervous about tomorrow, bu the nervousness is outweighed by excitement. I have my e-mail list ready to go so we can send out an announcement (including the long-awaited name) sometime after he's born. Aren't you glad we kept the name a secret? Think about how much excitement that adds! :)

Oh, and I mentioned my haircut before . . . just a word of advice to those who are pregnant . . . don't get your hair cut until after you have the baby. If it doesn't turn out the way you'd like it to, it seems a whole lot worse than it actually is. Let's just say that in my baby's first pictures it will look like he was born to a 45 year old woman.

Ok, I've got a lot to get done today, so I'm headed to camp.

May 28, 2007


I can honestly say that I can't wait to have a baby here to wake me up several times a night. Why? Because being woken up means that I was sleeping in the first place . . . which is something that is not happening now thanks to the carpal tunnel claw. At this point, I would pay good money if there were something that could take the numbness and throbbing away.

I thought maybe it would happen last night. Katie (my sister-in-law) and I walked from the camp back to her parent's house and then I started having pains a few hours later . . . not really contractions, but definite pains. Unfortunately, they stopped.

I'm so cranky right now due to my lack of sleep. I'm about ready to open the door, let Murphy run out and pray that she doesn't find her way home.

Anyway, here's something I read this morning out of Romans (the Message version) that I really like and have decided to use for staff training . . . well, staff training next year when I don't have a newborn:

"If you're a hard worker and do a good job, you deserve your pay; we don't call your wages a gift. But if you see that the job is too big for you, that it's something only God can do, and you trust him to do it—you could never do it for yourself no matter how hard and long you worked—well, that trusting-him-to-do-it is what gets you set right with God, by God. Sheer gift."

As frustrating as it may be, my hope is that my life is full of jobs that are too big for me that I could never do by myself no matter what. I have a feeling the biggest one of those jobs is less than a week away from arrival.

The sermon series at our church for the month of May is called "Building a kingdom household." I know that the theme wasn't picked out exclusively for Kyle and I but it's been so encouraging and challenging during this last month of pregnancy as we think about how we want to start this family off right and our responsibility as parents. You can download the sermons here: I heard the ones on May 13 and may 27, but not the 20th (though I'm sure it was just as good).

May 25, 2007

Dr. Pepper, split ends and a PSA

I have never been a water drinker. What I mean is that water was never my drink of choice. Before I was pregnant (or trying to get pregnant) I drank as much diet coke as I should have water. I only drank water when it was necessary (like if I neecded to swallow pills and there was no soda available) or when I had just gone for a run and needed to rehydrate (running? did I really used to run?). Pregnancy has definitely changed this for me. At my first doctor's appointment, my doctor reminded me of how much fluid I should be intaking in order to maintain healthy nutrition for my baby. I gagged at the thought of having to drink that much water in a day. As time went on, I began craving water more and more. At this point, I'm constantly thirsty and can't seek to get enough water.

The thing that isn't great is I hate the water at camp. When I was a camper at SBC, we had a skit night as the last night of every camp. For a skit one year, we "wrote" a song that went something like this: "Hi ho, hi ho, It's off to camp we go. The something I can't remember the words . . . THE WATER TASTES LIKE FISH AND SLIME . .. etc." All of that to say . . . it really does taste bad so I've spent a fortunte on bottled water.

Anyway, I'm off track. So, diet coke doesn't even sound appealing anymore. However, today was different. I haven't had many cravings during my pregnancy but right after lunch, I was craving a Dr. Pepper . . . the irony of which is Dr. Pepper is the only soft drink not available in any vending machine anywhere at Somerset Beach. I told Kyle about my craving and Cindy (my mother-in-law) was sitting there and within 30 minutes she had gone home to get me a Dr. Pepper. I told her she's my favorite mother-in-law ever.

I think one of the smartest things I've done is to continue to work until he's born. Of course, I love my job and I've had a fairly uncomplicated pregnancy so that makes it easy. But, it's really helped to pass the time. And it keeps me from sitting around too much. I only say that tonight because I had a really productive day. I still feel like there's a lot more to do for the summer, but I'm beginning to accept that some of it might not get done.

Kyle took my car to have the tires rotated this week . . . this is the good car. The car that we're not having problems with. The car whose wipers aren't possessed by the devil. The guy who rotated the tires let Kyle know that it was in need of repair . . . $1300 worth of repair. Things just keep getting better and better for us.

While Kyle and I were watching tv tonight, I had two painful contractions. So of course I assumed I was going into labor and did the most logical thing I could think of: I took a shower because I looked like crap. I haven't felt a thing since. Not even a twinge. Oh well. Maybe not tonight. But as I was drying my hair (I certainly couldn't go to the hospital with wet hair) I did realize that I have a lot of split ends and I kind of hope I have a chance to get a haircut before the big day.

TOmorrow's my due date (kind of). My doctor says it's today and the RE clinic said Sunday, so I've just kind of rounded it off to May 26. My cousin gets married tomorrow. I have another friend who gets married tomorrow too. I probably should have RSVPed that I'd be at one of the weddings because I would have been more likely to go into labor tonight if I had plans for tomorrow. THe nurse in triage on Wednesday said the best way to bring on labor is to let the laundry pile up and the house get messy. She says it never fails that the baby will come when you're not ready for him. I'm pretty sure my nesting instinct/obsession won't let me do that though.

So, lastly for tonight, there are a lot of things that people should not do/say to pregnant women that I was completely unaware of before being pregnant (the lady at the party store tonight was discussing the size of my swollen ankles with the other girl behind the counter - seriously, pregnant ladies are NOT deaf). SO, as a public service to all of you, here are a few of them:

1. Don't touch a pregnant woman's belly without being invited to. Actually, that one should be obvious, but for some people it is not. Just ask first.

2. Under no circumstances is it polite to refer to someone as "really big," "huge," "gigantic," etc. Not even a pregnant lady. YOu may think, "Well, she has an excuse for being huge . . . . she's pregnant . . . so it won't bother her to be called that." I used to think that too. BUt we're wrong. While logic tells you that you're huge because of being pregnant, it's never really a morale booster to have someone point it out to you. Same goes for calling parts of a pregnant women's body "huge." Ankles, hands, face, etc. Not allowed. Even if the pregnant lady refers to herself that way, it's not a free pass to also make those comments. Comparing a pregnant woman's entire body to Shrek, after she only said her feet look like Shrek's feet is also unacceptable (you know who you are).

3. Telling someone she's a "cute pregnant lady" is a little trite. It's not necessarily bad to say, but being called "cute" is overused and kind of makes you feel like a baby or a puppy. Finding other things to compliment her on . . . like telling her she looks so happy, or graceful, or beautiful means a lot more than "cute."

4. Don't tell a pregnant women that she looks like she "dropped." It gives her false hope. When she sees her doctor and she finds out that the baby has not dropped, it's really disappointing. Instead, ask "Do you feel like he's dropped?" Or, "What has the doctor said?" Along those same lines, don't ask stupid questions like, "Did the doctor say which day he'd be born?" I wanted to reply to that question with, "Well, when she checked the baby was turned so that we couldn't see his timer so we're still not sure how much time is left."

5. Ask, don't guess, how far along someone is. If you're 30 weeks pregnant and someone guesses that you're due in a week . . . it's a little discouraging.

I know there are more, but these are just the ones I could think of tonight. When talking to a pregnant woman, proceed with caution.

May 23, 2007

An update . . .

SO yesterday, I wrote about how today would be my final appointment. Not true. The doctor I saw today couldn't figure out why my real doctor wouldn't want to see me next week (if I haven't gone into labor yet) so we scheduled another one for next week . . . two days before induction day.

TOday's appointment was fairly uneventful. The doctor didn't indicate whether or not he had dropped yet, and I didn't get a chance to ask because all I heard her say was "WOw . . . this baby's not small, is he?!" After that, I was pretty much speechless. I wish I would have asked how big she thinks he is. Are we talking 8 pounds big or 12 pounds big? I did have to be hooked up to the monitor for 30 minutes because his movements have slowed down so much. But everything looks great. I think I was most upset to hear that my baby is "not so small" because of all of the newborn-sized diapers and clothing we have hanging in the closet that might never get used!

I had to be on the monitor once in April too and ironically enough we got the bill for that in the mail when we got home from today's appointment. A whopping $411. I've been frustrated over the past couple of weeks because U of M has a commitment to not doing unecessary tests and procedures in order to keep cost down to patients and insurance companies. That's great, but I wished I would have more assurance that he was healthy and doing ok. After getting today's bill, I have a whole new appreciation for their practices and integrity in healthcare.

The monitor showed that I'm having a lot of contractions . . . just not feeling any of them. I've never wanted to be in pain so much in my entire life! I'm ready to go!

May 22, 2007

My shadow . . .

I took Murphy for a walk today (yes . . . another attempt to bring labor). I was amazed when I looked down and saw my shadow. I am seriously pregnant. I know that's kind of stating the obvious, but a year ago we were still unsure that I would ever be able to get pregnant. And here I am at the end. I'm so thankful for this life growing inside of me and I can't wait to meet him!

I continue to lose sleep at night over whether or not he'll be healthy. I've also started waking up in the middle of the night worrying that something will happen to Kyle. I've heard that this is normal and also that it's the beginning of a lifetime about worrying about things like this.

We have our last Dr. appointment tomorrow before I either go into labor or am induced. I hope that they can do something to assure me that the baby is healthy. In any case, I have no more than 10 days left!

May 18, 2007

Bummed out.

Today's been a down day. I just have felt "not right" all day. The baby's moving and there's nothing really that I can put my finger on, but I just feel different. I had to sit down to rest twice all in the time in took me to make the bed this morning. I'm constantly worried that there will be something wrong with the baby. I think part of the reason I want to go into labor so badly is so I don't have to sit around wondering if he's healthy or not. And, every time I walk by a mirror I want to cry. There was just a Yoplait commercial on tv that begins with a voice saying, "Wouldn't it be great to have a smaller waist?" Yes, yes it would. I completely lost my cool with Murhpy today which made me question my ability to be a good parent. I lost my keys which about pushed me over the edge. I tried to make two casseroles to freeze for after the baby's born and ended up with spaghetti sauce all over my shirt. It was just one of those days.

Fortunately, I sat down this afternoon to make a list of things that I'm thankful for and they far outweighed the things I'm bummed out about.

On a brighter note, I got a gift in the mail last week from Julie Bayer containing onesies that made me laugh so hard. Seriously, you won't think they're funny unless you were on our staff two or three years ago, but here they are:

May 17, 2007

Nursery photos . . .

Whenever I thought about designing a nursery, there were a few things I knew for sure:

1. I didn't want to have a "theme."
2. I wanted a coffee or espresso colored furniture
3. I wanted muted colors, preferably green & brown.

I got one out of three, but I love how it turned out better than anything I could have imagined. Our theme is "airplanes." We didn't intentionally choose it, but the bedding from PBK we liked was called "vintage airplanes" and it just kind of all fell into place. I love it! And, we found white furniture in the design that we were looking for at a very reasonable price and I don't think dark furniture would have looked nearly as nice as white. But we do have muted colors and green walls. Kyle did an amazing job painting. It's the only room in our house that is the same color that it was originally painted and it's flawless because he's a lot more patient than I am. It's the only room in the house he's painted and it puts all of my rooms to shame.

So, here are some pictures. It's a pretty small room and the walls are at some unique angles, but I think we've used the space well. FYI: THe empty knobs on the wall above his bed are there to hang letters that spell out his name. The letters hang on a string tied to the two knobs. We'll hang it after he's born so we don't ruin the surprise for anyone.

Countdown . . .

The countdown is on. I have a week and a day left until my due date. My doctor's appointment was depressing again. He has NOT dropped. Not at all. It feels like he has, but I guess that's just wishful thinking.

So, my doctor schedule my induction for June 1 unless I go into labor naturally sooner than that. Which means he would be born on June 2. Which means we'd come home (if all goes as planned) on June 3. Our staff arrives at 7 PM on June 3. Seriously, this kind of stuff ONLY happens to us.

The other day, someone said, "I'll bet you weren't thinking about this about 9 months ago." Actually, yes, we were. We almost didn't do a second try at the end of August at the RE clinic because of this timing. All things considered, I still wouldn't change a thing.

May 15, 2007

Guess who likes raspberry tea?!

I have been trying everything possible to naturally induce labor. Everything . . . from spicy food, long walks, and many other things that need not be discussed here. I know that most of the things I read about are probably just wives' tales, but they had to work for someone in order for them to become wives' tales, right?

Kyle's mom got me some raspberry leaf tea tonight because I read that it has been linked to bringing on labor. Let me preface this by saying that I hate tea. Iced tea, hot tea, chai tea . . . I really don't like it at all. But I'm really willing to try anything at this point.

I'm not miserable or anything but having no feeling in my hands is getting to be really annoying. And, the more I read, the more I realize that my case is a lot more severe than most cases associated with pregnancy. I'm beginning to worry that there may be long term nerve damage. ANyway, I could handle being pregnant for a lot longer if it weren't for the tingling, numbness and pain in my hands.

So, Kyle's mom got me tea tonight. I brought it home and made a cup and was ready to plug my nose and chug when I noticed that it didn't smell too bad. I took a sip and found that I actually like raspberry leaf tea. Even if it doesn't help me go into labor, at least I've expanded my pallette. It's not my favorite drink, but it's really not awful (especially now that I've added a little sugar).

I feel incredibly fat and kind of just want to hang out at home for the rest of my pregnancy, but I know that I can't do that. I just hope that he comes soon. WHen I say that everyone shakes their head at me like I'm totally naive and have no idea how much harder it will be to take care of a baby than it is to be pregnant. I wish they'd stop. I know it will be hard, but I want to meet this baby and start taking care of him. I want to see Kyle hold him and be able to take care of him too.

I have another dr. appointment tomorrow. I really hope that she says that he's dropped significantly more than last week. I just need that encouragement.

My mom took some 38 week pictures of me, but I refuse to post them. I look that bad. I think I'll try and see if we can get some from a more flattering angle. I'm thinking that at this point, flattering is not possible.

Alright . . . I'm going back to watching my tivoed episodes of lost and drinking my tea. :)

May 9, 2007

To induce or not to induce . . .

My doctor's appointment was a little discouraging again today. I know, I know . . . I shouldn't be discouraged . . . I have a healthy pregnancy and am carrying a healthy baby. But when I asked if he had dropped at all since last week, she said, "Well, maybe a little." Which was her polite way of saying, "Nope." She told me that if I haven't had the baby by my due date, we'd start talking about inducing.

Let me preface all of this by saying that I've done some research on induction and I'm scared to death of it. First, I've read and been told that it makes for a MUCH harder labor because it's basically making your body do something that it's not quite ready to do naturally. Which leads me to believe that I'll end up having to be induced because when in this whole process has my body ever done something on its own that it was supposed to do naturally?

Second, I just read that the FDA has NOT approved ANY medicine used for induction for inducing labor for any other reason than one that makes it medically necessary (which happens quite often). Conclusion: If your doctor wants to induce you for convenience (yours or theirs) run in the opposite direction of that doctor. The generally accepted standard is that if you haven't delivered by 1 week past your due date then the risks of inducing are outweighed by the risks of carrying the baby any longer. I've had a couple of friends tell me horror stories of doctors offer to induce them for pretty frivoluous reasons. It totally stuns me, especially after everything I've read. Ok, I'm off track. Anyway, if it becomes medically necessary for me to be induced, none of this information is really that comforting and I'm a little frantic just thinking about it.

Just pray that he comes on his own. Soon.

May 6, 2007

May 4, 2007

Whiny McWhinerson

I just re-read my post from yesterday. I'm mildly embarassed of how whiny I was about really stpuid things. Was I seriously complaining about a botched pedicure and a baby who might come late? Am I allowed to copmlain about that kind of stuff? I was able to afford a pedicure and I'm finally having the baby that we tried to have for years . . . I'm not all that unfortunate. I'd say I'm pretty blessed.

So, forgive me for my little temper tantrum yesterday.

I'm having a garage sale today. I've made $12 so far. I haven't met anyone I can write stories about yet, but it's still early.

May 3, 2007

Disappointment all around . . .

So much disappointment in the last few days . . . I don't know where to begin!

My Dr.'s appointment yesterday was great in that the baby still seems to be healthy. it was NOT great in that I was told that the baby hasn't dropped at all (thanks, by the way, to everyone who's told me that he looks like he has) and that by the look of things the chances of me delivering early are much lower than the chances of me delivering after my due date. Also, she told me she would wait at least a week after my due date to induce me . . . that's right, the first day of staff training. Lovely.

I had an appointment for a pedicure today and it was even more disappointing than my Dr.'s appointment. We don't have much "splurge" money, so this was going to be my big splurge before the baby comes. I can't paint my toenails or do really anything to my feet, due to the large protrusion coming from my abdomen. So I thought a pedicure would be something good to splurge on.

In this case, splurge money soon became wasted money. I think I could have soaked my feet at home and put lotion on them and come out just as good as I did with the pedicure. "Well, at least your toenails are painted," you may be thinking. Yeah, but they were in such a rush to get me out of there, they didn't let me sit and let them dry for even a minute. So, getting into the car, I pretty much ruined all of the nails on my left foot. Which means, I'll have to take the polish off of both feet. Or keep the polish and have one foot completely screwed up . . . which might be a nice accent to my huge, swollen ankles anyway. We all know there's no way I'm going to be physically able to re-paint them before the baby comes. It kills me to think of the money that I wasted that could have put toward diapers or hospital bills.

On top of all of this, I didn't get any of the things from in town that I needed to get because I was so upset when I was leaving the salon that I wasn't really able to compose myself enough to go anywhere else public. So, I'll have to go back sometime in the next 24 hours . . . which sucks because gas is $3.29 a gallon.

It's just not a good day.

When I was in Target this afternoon, I realized that people have begun staring at me. It's not the "look at the cute pregnant lady" stare anymore. It's the "oh my word, she's huge" stare. And they don't stare for a moment and give a nice smile. They stare with wide eyes and mouths hanging open and then give a sheepish look when they realize they've been caught staring. Maybe it's time for me to just stay in the house.

I'm gonna go take a nap.