Becoming a parent gave me this glimpse into the heart of God and helped me to understand how he feels about me better than I did before. I know that I'll never understand completely how he feels, but I had a little reminder today.
Jack's needed new shoes for, um, let's just say a while. I've pushed it as far as I possibly could and I'm not sure why. Maybe because size 9 looks HUGE and I can't believe my baby needs that size. Maybe because I couldn't find anything that I really liked.
We were down to one pair of shoes that fit and then, they fit only without socks on (they're those sandal/tennis shoe mix shoes . . . I call them all terrain shoes). They've been awesome for the summer, but they're starting to get tight. And stinky. Really, really stinky. His tennis shoes kind of fit, but they're tight, for sure. His flip flops leave sores on his feet. He had a pair of sandals at the beginning of the summer, but he had outgrown them by July.
That said, I finally broke down and ordered him two new pair of shoes last week. They're two pair of exactly the same shoe, in different colors. They were on sale at The Children's Place and I had a 20% off coupon. Perfect. While I was shopping online, I picked up a couple pair of pants that were on sale (which I have to return because I accidentally ordered them in 3T and he's well into 4T) and a shirt.
Everything arrived today and when Kelsey (our babysitter) left this afternoon, Kyle called Jack over to open the box with him. He said, "This stuff for baby brother?" And we told him, no, that it was stuff for him. His eyes lit up.
"Yay! Yay!" he kept saying over and over with his arm up in the air. This is his newest way to show his excitement. His eyes were wide as we pulled out the shoes, pants and shirt. My two-year-old was jumping up and down and literally ooo-ing and ahh-ing over the clothes we had purchased for him. I had no idea he'd be this excited. He immediately sat down and started trying to put his shoes on. At which point I patted myself on the back for buying shoes with velcro. One less thing we have to do for him when trying to get out the door . . .
He wore those shoes all over and kept saying, "I like them! I like them!" He walked out onto the deck and just stared down at his shoes as he walked around for a little while. After we went inside, he started pulling his shirt on over his head. He got a little stuck, but had a huge smile on his face the whole time. This whole thing took me by surprise. I just thought I had bought him some necessitites and that he'd barely notice that we were strapping something new to his feet.
I've got to tell you . . . I had no clue he'd react this way. But I was so, so happy. I loved seeing the look on his face when he saw these things. I loved the excitement in his eyes over the gifts we had given him.
I think that's how God feels when he watches us receive the good gifts he gives us. I think he beams when he sees our excitement.
Later, when I was snuggling with him at naptime, Jack said, "Thank you for the new shoes, Mama."
"You're welcome," I responded. I laid there next to him with tears in my eyes thinking about how much I loved that kid.
After I left his room, I sat on my bed for a while and just thanked God for all of the good gifts he's given me. And I think God was sitting there with me thinking about how much he loves this kid.