She went to live on a farm . . .

Did you ever see the episode of Friends, where Monica and Ross were reminiscing about their dog and Ross was talking about their dog being taken away to "live on a farm" when they were young? And he was saying that it's so crazy that it actually happened, and as he was talking he realization that he had not, in fact, gone to live on a farm? I guess you had to see it . . .

Well, our dog did actually go to live on a farm. The family who adopted Murphy was fantastic. They have two older kids and live on a farm with lots of space for her to run. Their 14-year-old dog passed away about two months ago and they were ready for a new one. They reassured me over and over that Murphy would be well cared for and loved. They have lots of open space for her to play. They even offered to bring meet up for a visit sometimes when they come to her mom's house in Jackson!

They also mentioned that they had two cats. YIKES! Up until yesterday, Murphy's only experience with cats was barking wildly at them when they'd come into our back yard. But the e-mail we received from the family last night said that she completely ignores them! How crazy is that? In the e-mail, the mom said the only problem they're having is the kids arguing over who gets to do what with her. I'm positive that Murphy's LOVING the attention.

The fact that the family was awesome didn't make it any easier, though. I couldn't keep my composure the entire time we packed her up. One of the hardest parts was taking down the bell that she rang when she needed to go out. It had been up there for four years!

The actual "goodbyes" were difficult and the last day and a half has been so much harder than I expected. We met the family at camp. They were running late, so we had 20 - 30 minutes to just play with Murphy and for Jack to say goodbye. All day he kept grabbing her face and saying, "Goodbye, Murphy!" but I'm not sure he grasped what was going on. When the family arrived, we sent Jack with Kyle's mom to make it a little less traumatic. I secretly wished I could have gone too. Let's just say my sunglasses didn't leave my face the entire time.

We were more than comfortable with the family and the kids were beyond excited to meet Murphy. We chatted with them for a while, made the exchange and watched them pull away. My heart still hurts just thinking about it. She's their dog now.

Jack doesn't totally get it. We put a basket of blankets where her crate used to be so it wouldn't look so empty, and first thing this morning, he moved it out of there and said, "That's Murphy's spot!" When we left this morning, we heard a neighborhood dog barking and Jack said, "I hear Murphy! She comes home!"

IT'S JUST A DOG! I know, I know. I don't know if it's the pregnancy hormones or what, but I had NO IDEA that it would be this difficult. I've questioned a thousand times whether or not this was the right thing and Kyle always assures me that it's best for her and for us. But every time I've left my office today, I've called her to come with me. I didn't realize how lonely it would be during Jack's naptime without her sitting at my feet. Once, when she didn't come, I even leaned over the couch to see if she was there before I caught myself. When I got home from camp today, I walked over to where her crate used to be and realized I didn't have anyone to let out.

But it's done. She's moved on. And starting now, I'm moving on. But before I do . . . here are some pictures from our last day. And if you're making fun of me in your head for being so overdramatic, that's ok. I'd probably be making fun of myself, too, if I were in your shoes.

So long, friend

I feel like my heart is breaking a little. Today's the day that Murphy goes to live with her new family and I had NO IDEA how hard it would be to say goodbye. Kyle and I have both been choked up for the last 24 hours as we've been preparing for her departure. Packing up her stuff, clipping her nails, giving her a bath, snuggling with her on the couch. I knew that it would be sad, but I'm aching over this.

I know she's just a dog . . . and that's what I keep telling myself. And a month ago, had I read this on someone else's blog, I probably would have rolled my eyes. But facing her departure has helped me to realize that she's a part of our story. She and Kyle share a birthday and she just turned 4 last week. We've had her for almost 4 years. As much as we know that this is best for her and for us, we love her and it'll be hard to see her go.

I feel a little bit like a failure . . . like I'm giving up. Like if I'd just put more work into it, I can keep her happy and us happy. But again, I know that she needs more attention and love than what we're giving her right now.

When I told Jack this morning, he looked bewildered. He kept saying, "But she not want to live with other family. She want to live here!" and "Where my dog going, Mama?"

I remember our first year with her and how much fun it was. She was the best dog ever. She still is. She's fun and smart and energetic and we've been so lucky to have her. We're just not very good dog owners right now. Kyle pointed out that it's probably harder now than it would have been in July, because we're home more now and she's always easier to handle when we're home in the evenings.

So, I have to take senior pictures this afternoon but I'm sure my mind will be elsewhere. And at 3, we meet the family who's taking her. And then I'll probably spend the rest of the night mourning . . . I'm hoping the family will be ok with me e-mailing to see how she's doing.

And, I know that a week from now, I'll probably look back and roll my eyes at how overdramatic I'm being. And a few months from now, Murphy probably won't even remember who we are. But I want to remember how hard and painful it was to give her up. And I want Jack to know how hard it was for us to make this decision. She IS a part of our family, and this is what's best for EVERYONE in our family.

We love you, Murphy.

Tempum Tanters

I posted a twitter update the other day that said, "I've witnessed more tantrums in the last two hours than I did in the last two weeks combined. What is the deal?"

Nicole responded with, "Jack's a smart kid...he knows there's change coming soon!"

Up until that point, I hadn't considered that the tantrums, lack of sleep and other miscellaneous trouble he's been causing for the last two or three weeks might somehow be related to him sensing the change. We've been putting things together, washing things, transitioning into and out of things . . . maybe this is his way of coping. Maybe not.

While knowing this doesn't make it less stressful, considering the fact that he might be sensitive to his environment right now has made me a little more understanding and less likely to lose my temper when he runs into our room in the middle of the night yelling "I WAKED UP" for the fifth time.

He's also going through some sort of developmental spurt in which it seems as though he's turned 6 years old overnight. His thought processes and speech have made these huge leaps that I can barely keep up with. Is it any wonder that I'm not really that rushed about potty training? Diapers are the one last part of babyhood that I can hold on to! That, and I feel like changing his diapers will be easier than having to rush him to the bathroom while I'm trying to take care of and nurse a newborn. Call me crazy . . .

Anyway . . . his temper tantrums. Last Wednesday was one of the worst days for them. At one point, I couldn't do anything to control him so I said, "Jack, I'm going to sit you on the bench until you're ready to calm down." As I lifted him onto the bench, he arched his back and wacked his head on the half-wall that the bench sits up against. It knocked the wind out of him and he panicked as he struggled for breath for a few seconds.

I felt awful that it happened and held him and rocked him for about 10 minutes before he calmed down. He looked up at me and said, "Why you hit my head on the wall?"

UGH.

After the whole hammer incident, this CRUSHED me. I did my best to explain that I didn't do it . . . that it was an accident that resulted from his tantrum, but I'm not sure he really understood. I still get choked up when I think about it.

Later that day, we were getting ready to go out for Kyle's birthday (he turned the big 3-0, by the way) and Jack was throwing fits about . . . well, everything. He wanted to bring a book, but not that book, and he wanted to wear his white shoes not his blue shoes and he wanted the green diaper, not the blue one and he wanted to wear his rain coat but NOT IN THE CAR . . . it was ridiculous. By the time we were pulling out of the driveway, Kyle and I were both fried. So when Jack started screaming because we TURNED THE WRONG WAY, Kyle turned the car around and we went home. And Jack went straight to time out.

Kyle and I retreated to our bedroom to regain composure for a few minutes while Jack sat hollering in the time out chair. I finally went out to talk to him. I sat in the chair with him on my lap until he calmed down and I asked, "Why were you in time out." He said, "I frow tempum tanter and cied."

I went on to explain that we we couldn't go out for Daddy's birthday because he couldn't behave. And I said that Dad must feel pretty sad that we had to come home on his birthday. I wasn't trying to cause any sort of guilt trip, but it sort of sounds that way now, because Jack's response was, "I cam behave. I DO want Daddy to be happy on his birfday." I was choking back tears at this point and sent him to apologize and hug his Dad.

He's been so challenging over the last few weeks . . . bedtimes, naptimes (wait . . . what naptimes?), tantrums, questioning everything. He's testing us because he's two years old, but I'm sure that the changes all around him are making him anxious also. We're doing our best to stay consistent and calm, knowing that in the end, he's really still the same sweet boy he's always been.

I pray continuously throughout the day that any anxiety Jack's feeling about the coming change will be lessened by how much we're loving him and that I'll be able to see what I can do to ease him into these new things.

Emma

Today was Emma's turn for pictures. Remember last year . . .


Here are a few shots from our time together today . . . as usual, more to come.

Remember when he was little . . .

When Jack was born, I said that someone pressed the fast forward button on my life and it hasn't slowed down since.

When you don't see a baby every day, it seems to fly by even faster! Doesn't it seem like just yesterday that I took these pictures of Eli?


He's all grown up now . . . well, sort of.

Recognize that blanket?

Popping his collar . . . just like his mom taught him.


Good luck ever saying, "no" to this face. Seriously.



I wanted to give Ben & Jeanette a sneak peek tonight, but there are more to come!

37 weeks

You know what's funnier than a pregnant lady waddling? A pregnant lady intentionally trying not to waddle. I've been really trying to avoid the pregnant "waddle" when I walk. And to be honest, I'm not sure why. But I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the door of Target yesterday and was struck but how awkward it looked. So, I stopped.

Other than that, things have been smooth sailing this week, pregnancy-wise. Jack-wise . . . well, that's another post for tomorrow maybe. I'm 37 weeks, which means the baby can come whenever he's ready. I'm not really in any rush, though.

The worry had been that my amniotic fluid would decrease more over the last week. But I was so excited to find out that it did not! The baby looks healthy and happy. Although they weren't seeing acceleration like they like to see when I was on the monitor so they used what they call the "baby alarm clock." It was this small vibrating thing that they put on my belly to wake him up and see if it would make his heart rate go up.

Even Kyle could see the baby jump as soon as it hit my skin. The poor baby didn't stop flailing for a good ten minutes and his heart rate . . . well, it certainly went up. I was in tears because I know that my little boy was probably scared. And because I'm pregnant and lots of things bring me to tears.

I don't know if pregnancy is just a little more dramatic the first time around, or if this pregnancy really is easier. Because seriously, I'm feeling pretty good. I have three weeks to go and I feel like I could go another two months (not that I'm asking for that). By this time with Jack, my back was awful, my hands were numb and my feet and ankles were super swollen. I mean, they're puffy, but not nearly as bad as last time. And my hands go numb occasionally, but usually just when I'm on the computer for a long time or sleeping. I do still have 3 weeks left, so there's plenty of time for swelling, I suppose. And my back has started to ache a little, but I can handle it.

The baby's room is about ready . . . mainly because we decided not to change it really from when it was occupied by Jack. I have things washed and put away. I have to change the "Jackson" banner out for a banner with the baby's name, but that can wait until after he's born. Oh, and I want to change the photo collage on the wall. I have a few things left on my "to buy" list and a few things I still need to dig out of the basement.

All in all, if he came tonight, we'd be ready.


I don't remember what Kyle was saying while taking the picture, but I'm sure that he deserved the look I was giving him.


OK, just to compare . . . here's what I looked like when I was 37 weeks pregnant with Jack. I looked so young.

Compare and contrast

Then:


Now:

I had nothing to do with it . . .

Over the weekend, Jack took a tumble that left a few pretty big marks and one large, green bruise. He flipped backward off of a picnic table at our local ice cream place when he was there with Kyle and he was still crying when they got home.

Of course, when people ask him what happened to his head, how do you think he responds? He tells them that Mama hit him with hammer. Nice.

What a hitter!

If you've seen A League of Their Own, you'll probably remember the scene when they showed the not-so-attractive Marla Hooch in the newsreel. First they show all the pretty girls in closeups. Then Marla is shown across the diamond in position at 2nd base, while the announcer says, "And there's Marla Hooch . . . what a hitter!" It makes me laugh just thinking about it.

Well, this is my "sewing" version of that scene from the movie. These are the burp cloths that I embellished.


In this picture they don't look too bad. And that's as close as I'll get. Any closer, and it's, well . . . ugly.

I did continue to practice and I did get a little better with the sewing machine. But let's just say that any grand ideas I had of sewing much more than fabric onto burp cloths have been flushed down the toilet.

Late night blogging

It's like the sound of a bowling ball . . . Jack getting up at night, that is.

We hear his door open, the sound of his footsteps barreling down the hallway, getting louder and louder as he approaches. And then there's the final, "CRASH!" as he hits the door and fumbles with the doorknob. He runs in and exclaims, "I waked up!"

Yep . . . we know.

One of the good things about sleeping on my side of the bed is that it's farthest from the door so he always goes to Kyle's side which makes him the one that takes him back to bed. Because let's face it, at this stage, rolling over and getting out of bed is a monumental task equal to what I would imagine farmers have to go through to "un-tip" their cows.

But if you know me, you know that once I'm awake, I'm awake. Pregnant, not pregnant, one hour of sleep or ten hours of sleep . . . if I fall asleep and I'm woken up all the way, I can't go back. Sometimes I lay in bed, half awake, debating whether it would be worse to have to hold it all night, or to get up, pee and have to be up for the rest of the night.

But then I remember that it's Saturday and that if I get up, I can spend the rest of the night watching infomercials on the Time Life 60's CDs and how to sell unused items on ebay. And who would pass up an opportunity like that?

A typical breakfast conversation.

It truly is an act of God that mothers of 2-year-olds stay sane.

Me: Do you want bananas on your toast?

Jack: Yeah.

Me: Yes . . . ?

Jack: Yes, pease.

Me: Here you go.

Jack: NO BANANAS ON MY TOAST.

Me: That's what you wanted.

Jack: I want cookies, intead.

Me: No. Not for breakfast.

Jack: Cam I have cookies?

Me: No.

Jack: Why?

Me: Because we don't eat cookies for breakfast.

Jack: Why?

Me: Because I said so.

Jack: WHy?

Me: Why not?

Jack: YOu should not say, 'Why not!' . . . Where we going today?

Me: Nowhere. We're staying home today.

Jack fake cries for about 30 seconds.

Jack: Where we go desterday?

Me: The library and the store.

Jack: Oh.

Jack: Are we going that way today (pointing out the window)?

Me: Nope.

Jack: Why?

Me: Because I said so.

Jack: Why?

Me: Why not?

Jack: YOu should not say, 'Why not!' . . . What kind of orange juice are you drinking?

Me: The same kind you are.

Jack: The orange kind?

Me: Yep.

Jack: Why?

Me: Why not?

Jack: YOu should not say, 'Why not!' . . . I want to watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. Come inside, it's fun inside.

Me: Maybe later, but not right now.

Jack fake cries for 30 seconds and becomes intrigued by the bug on the window.

Jack: What's that bug doing?

Me: Crawling.

Jack: Why?

Me: Why not?

Jack: YOu should not say, 'Why not!' . . . A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, Y, J, K, L-M-N-O-P, Q, S, T, V, X, Z . . . next time sing with me. What am I doing, Mama?

Me: I don't know. What are you doing.

Jack: I'm a robot, they do it like this!

Me: Are you all done?

Jack: NO! . . . Okie, dokie.

Me: So, are you done?

Jack: NO! I'm playing hide and seek with my toast!

Me: Alright, you're done.

Jack: I'm NOT DONE!

Me: Put your food on your plate. We don't play with it.

Jack: Why?

Time out chair

Our time out chair always sits in the hallway between the bathroom and Jack's new room. When it wasn't being used, it was folded up against the wall and would constantly tip over and crash against the wall leaving marks and startling us.

So, we decided to put up a hook and hang it in the hallway. I cut vinyl wall words to go above it. I might re-do those in a different font someday, but for now it will do.


Chair: IKEA, $15.00
Hook: Target, $3 for 2
Vynil Wall words: Made them myself with stuff I already had

Surprise!

Well, I had a surprise ultrasound today and got to see my lovely baby boy up close and personal.

Starting on Monday, there was a noticeable slow down in the baby's movements. I attributed it to him getting bigger and having less room to move, but of course, the seed of worry was planted. To be honest, if it weren't for how much it would cost, I probably would have called on Monday. Yesterday, his movement didn't pick up any. I wouldn't say that he moved less than Monday, but I would say that it was still pretty slow.

Last night, we went to a Tigers game with Ben & Jeanette and I felt him once the entire time we were were at the game. But we were hot, cramped and I figured I probably just wasn't feeling the movement because of everything going on around us. By the way, it was a really good game (even for a non-sports fan like me) and we had a lot of fun!

This morning, I got up around 6:30 and hadn't felt a single thing by 8. I drank juice, laid on my side, pushed on him . . . sat in my usual positions that made him move, etc. Nothing worked. Right before we left for breakfast at camp, I felt him once, but barely.

When we got to camp, my anxiety was mounting and I kept going back and forth between feelings of, "I need to do what's best for the baby, no matter what the cost" and "it's probably nothing and you'll waste time and money for them to roll their eyes and tell you not to worry."

I ended up calling and going in and I'm glad I did. My amniotic fluid is low. Not dangerously low, but outside of the normal "acceptable" range. Which won me weekly ultrasound appointments (and weekly bills for ultrasounds . . . which I'm actually ok with because I know that they're not pointless) up until he's born. If it continues to go down, they'll have to induce labor early.

The up side of all of this is that I got to see my sweet baby boy today. With Jack, I didn't have any ultrasounds after 20 weeks, so I never saw him at this stage. But baby #2 was gnawing on his fist and grabbing his toes . . . I was SO bummed that Kyle wasn't there with me. I guess he'll catch the show next week.

So, if you think about it, will you pray that the amniotic fluid levels don't drop anymore this week? I'd really, really like to not have to be induced. I'd love to go into labor naturally (well, as much as any woman loves going into labor, I guess). And I'd love for it to be at 40 weeks instead of 37.

On an unrelated note, my original due date (the one calculated according to my LMP, which is rather unreliable) would have been tomorrow. I'm really glad it's not . . . I've got a lot to do!

Man's best friend

We've had a few responses to our ad to find a new family for Murphy.

I know that this is what's best . . . and I know that it's what I want. She needs people who are home more often. She needs a fenced in place to run. She hasn't really chewed anything but her toys since she was a puppy, but over the last two weeks, she's started chewing up toys, clothes, etc. Not because she's a bad dog, but because she's bitter that we've been gone so much. Right after camp ended last year, she squatted and peed right on my foot. It's hard not to take that personally.

I love the thought of not having to think about what she might chew up, and not having to worry that she'll bark at a shadow in the back yard and wake up the boys. I love the idea that I'll never have to worry that she'll pee in the house as payback for us being gone all day. I love the thought of being able to open the door to leave without having to squeeze out the smallest opening possible to keep her from escaping. I like the idea of being able to leave the baby playing on the floor for a minute without worrying that she'll be there licking his face when I get back.

My hope had been to find someone that we know to take her so that we could be 100% sure that she was well cared for. But we haven't been able to find anyone. So, I placed an ad online and received a response. I asked Kyle if it was weird that I didn't want to send her to to someone who uses bad grammar. He just laughed. And I cried.

The thought of sending her somewhere new is tearing me up inside. She's been with us for four years . . . since she was a puppy. She was my consolation when I didn't think we'd ever have kids. I picked her out specifically to come home with us. I'll miss how excited she is when we get home. I'll miss watching her head tilt and her ears perk up when she hears the words, "walk" or "treat." She really is a great dog for a family who's home more than we are.

I know that if we find a good home, I'd be over it in a few weeks . . . especially with the baby almost here, but it's still an emotional thing. I have an emotional attachment to this puggle. And if we do find a new home (and I truly hope we do), I'll miss her terribly.

Bang, bang, bang

On Thursday, I hit Jack in the head with a hammer.

Accidentally, of course.

I was putting together a book shelf for his room and had asked him no less than 10 times to please stand back so that he wouldn't get hurt. And sure enough, as I swung the hammer back, he climbed under my arm and caught it right in the eye. He screamed. I felt horrible. Watching your child get hurts is awful. Knowing that you were responsible is even worse.

Luckily, the claw of the hammer caught him above the eye and just below, but missed his actual eye altogether. I cringe at the thought of how much worse it could have been.

That night, I was laying in bed with him and I said, "I'm so sorry that I accidentally hit you tonight." In response, he took his fist and pretended to pound where the fresh wound was and said, "Yeah, mommy go, 'bang! bang! bang' with the hammer!" Um, nope, not quite how it happened.

The next evening, we stopped by a birthday gathering for Kyle's Grandpa. Kyle and Jack were there a few minutes before I was and I guess he had already told everyone that Mama went, "Bang, bang, bang" on his head. Just lovely.

Fortunately, it looks 1,000 times better than it seemed on Thursday night.