A few posts about Claire . . .

Facebook has become my "mini-blog."  Anecdotes and quotes seem to wind up there.  Here are a few about Claire from the last few months.

                                                                                     
"Dear Jesus, thank you for my whole life. Help me not be sassy so Mama's head will stop hurting. Amen."

Amen.

                                                                                    
Jack: OK, let's play the game where no one talks, and the first one to talk is out.
Claire: I TALKED!
Jack: No, we haven't started yet, but you have to be . . .
Claire: I TALKED!
Jack: No, you're not supposed . . .
Claire: I'M TALKING!

                                                                                     

Claire calls Hattie "Baby McBaberson." She refers to the rest of us as just "Baberson." What will she be like when she's 13, I wonder?

                                                                                     

I have to confess, that when I was helping her try on her new Elsa costume on tonight, I choked up at the thought of someday helping her get into a wedding dress. Is 4 months too long to still be blaming postpartum hormones? I do hope, however, that her wedding dress isn't closed in the back with Velcro tabs.

                                                                                     

When Claire turns 3 next week, leaving the terrible twos behind her, she'll magically become more easy going and cooperative, right? RIGHT?

                                                                                    

Claire's pretty insistent that "the little George Jesus" lays down his sweet head.

                                                                                     

Chicago traffic seems to move 10x slower when your 2-year-old is trying to hold it.

                                                                                     
These two both had well visits today. One did really, really well. The other started out screaming and ended by giving the doctor a very, very detailed description of every single one of her bowel movements for the last 4-5 days. Fun times.

                                                                                     

Remote control light switches are all fun and games until the sun goes down and the 2-year-old can't remember where she put the remote.

                                                                                     

Claire just asked if we could go to Starbucks for a "grande caffiene." Heaven help me.

                                                                                     

In the parking lot at Home Depot, Claire screamed, "you never let me do anything dangerous, Mom!" At least she's paying attention

Things are looking up . . .

The first three days of this week have contained more good than the previous two weeks combined.  I'm so thankful, because at the end of last week, I was nearing the end of my rope.  Here are a few highlights:

• The brighter mornings mean that I've woken on my own more easily.  Sure, I'm still only getting 4 - 5 hours of sleep because I'm crazy busy, but being up before the kids makes a huge difference in how my day goes.
  
• Mother's Day was so much better than I had expected.  We had a great brunch with Kyle's family, and the restaurant was VERY kid friendly.  I don't know if I was exceptionally hungry or if the food was exceptionally good, but either way, I really enjoyed it.  It was close to 80 on Sunday and I loved every second of it.  I still had to do grocery shopping and meal planning for the week, but making my list out on the deck seemed less like work. 
  
• Monday and Tuesday were very warm, too.  The kind of warm that leaves you sticky and hot all day.  You will NEVER hear me complain about that.
  
• We had a great conversation with a new realtor today that was encouraging and so, so educational.  I think we'll still go ahead with listing our house.  So much has to go right and happen in the right timing, but I'm less worried.  Fingers crossed.
  
• I've been able to check some things off of my to do list.  There were a few things that I forgot to put on my list, so I put them on and then checked them off right away.  If they don't show up in the "completed" list, they don't count.  I had to do it, right?
   
•  Baby #4 is crazy active.  She moves so much and I love just sitting and feeling and watching her movements.  All three kids have felt her move now.  When I was pregnant with Claire, I was constantly sad about her being my last and everything being my "last" experience.  It's not like that this time.  I'm very comfortable with this baby being my last baby, and I'm really enjoying feeling her move and grow.
  
• However, I'm not enjoying everything about this pregnancy.  I don't like being pregnant, in general.  I just feel achy and bloated.  Nothing fits well, and I can't ever really get comfortable.  It's worth every minute, though.
  
• I had some errands to run after picking Jack up from school yesterday, so I took all three kids out for ice cream after.  It was fun just hanging out with the three of them.  I can't believe they're all mine.
  
• We made barbecue chicken pizza on the grill last night.  What's not to love about that?

What we've been doing . . .

You know how sometimes people are unaware of their own injuries and trauma because of the adrenaline pumping through their system after an accident?   But then after a little while, the evidence of the trauma is more obvious and they lose consciousness after the adrenaline wanes?

Wait, is that even true?  Or did I see it on Grey's Anatomy?  Everything I know about medicine is thanks to Ellen Pompeo and Sandra Oh. 

Anyway, I just sat down in Panera for a few minutes while Jack is at a pirate art class and that kind of happened to me.  I was feeling ready to get some work done, but about 5 minutes after getting here, I was nodding off.  Just sitting here at my computer, with my  fingers in the ready position and my eyes closed.  I've been running on adrenaline.

This is our first week of camps, after two weeks of pretty intense staff training.  It's going well, but it's hard. Juggling that schedule, the schedules of three kids, all while maintaining sanity is proving to be more difficult this year than ever before.  Maybe we're getting too old to keep up.  Maybe it's having three kids.  I don't know for sure, but I'm exhausted.

Jack's in Adventure Day Camp this year and I have to physically restrain myself from going over and asking him how he's doing and making sure he's wearing sunscreen every time I see him.  Kyle and I trained the counselors . . . we know that they're awesome . . . we have no doubts . . . so what is my problem?

I saw Jack walking with a group of friends on Monday and he waved.  I waved back and blew him a kiss and instantly wished I could take it back as I saw him smirk and his face turn red.  He looked away, embarrassed that I would show any sort of affection toward him IN FRONT OF HIS FRIENDS.  But as they walked away, he stayed in the back of the group and turned around and blew one back so that no one could see him doing it.  He'll love his mom no matter how old he gets . . . he tells me this on a regular basis.

Bennett really likes being at camp but is TIRED and isn't napping well.  He is go-go-go all day and I think has a hard time falling asleep when he's not in his own bedroom.  I'd dare say that he's the cutest 2-year-old I've ever seen or heard.  I love talking to him, because he has such an adult vocabulary and way of putting sentences together, but still talks like he's a 2-year-old.  I can't help but smile every time we talk.  It warms my heart just typing about it.  He loves his balance bike and scoots around on that thing faster than I think he would with pedals!

And Claire . . . sweet Claire.  I've never seen a baby as happy as she is.  It's so funny when people look at her and she smiles at them and they say, "Oh my goodness . . . she smiled at me!"  I hate to burst their bubble and say, "She'd smile at a wet rag if you held it in front of her" so I just say, "She must really like you."  She's getting playful and loves to pull the burp cloth off of her head for games of "peek a boo."  I'm thinking I'll start her on solid foods this week . . . if I find the time.  I gave her a sippy cup with water today and she liked gnawing on it.  She pushes herself in circles, but isn't really close to crawling yet.  Ben and Jack were both crawling and pulling themselves up by 6 months, so it's nice to have things move a little more slowly.  But I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel a tiny bit guilty about the fact that she rarely has tummy time.  I don't think she's any worse off for it, though.

Life is good and I don't want to wish away the summer.  But sitting here at Panera right now, I'm thinking about how lovely September will be.

Losing it . . .

Oh. My. Goodness. In preparation for a workshop I'm doing this weekend, I stumbled across my old photo-a-day blog. Oh, how I wish I still had time to do something like that. I loved looking at these daily glimpses of our lives from 4ish years ago.

I could look at every photo and pick it apart technically, but I can honestly say that I love these photos more than anything I've taken in the last year. I feel like I've kind of "lost it." I don't feel inspired when I'm behind the camera. Ugh. I hate that.

I feel like my photography has become way boring and my post-processing has become rushed and sloppy. I think that might even be part of the reason it took me forever to send out Claire's announcements . . . I'm not thrilled about any of the photos I've taken of her. The photos I used to take told our story. But now they're just kind of blah. I have the most beautiful subjects living right here in my house, but my mind feels like it's been sapped of all of its creativity.

I wonder what it'll take for me to get my motivation back . . . more time, perhaps? More sleep?

In 15 minutes or less . . .

Random thoughts on my life right now . . .

• Ben's favorite thing to say right now is, "Knock it off, cheesey head." I don't know why.
  
  
• I'm so bad at giving Claire tummy time. Just one more thing to feel guilty about, I suppose.
  
  
• Have I ever mentioned how much we love Bob Evans? We love that kids eat free on Tuesdays. We also like their takeout family meals. For $20 we can get a fairly well balanced meal that will give us dinner and two lunches. I asked for Bob Evans gift cards for Christmas. Between those, the meals friends brought us, the few I made ahead of time and camp meals, we only cooked once from when Claire was born through last week. It was awesome.
  
  
• Claire has outdone her brothers when it comes to the "biggest poop" award. They're not explosive exactly . . . there's just a lot of it. Last Tuesday afternoon, she started going while I was changing her on my office floor and it was like this never ending fountain of poo. I had to construct a little dam of wipes around the changing mat from preventing the overflow from spilling onto the carpet. I was contemplating calling in FEMA. It was that big.
  
  
• I've re-entered that alternate universe in which you talk openly about things like poop and cracked nipples, as if everyone talks about that sort of thing in casual conversation. And only when you see the uncomfortable glances at the floor do you realize that you're snapped back into reality and you realize that you're speaking to college students or single men who are unaware that this universe even exists. Doesn't that make you want to be my friend?
  
  
• In the car last week, Ben requested a Katy Perry song. Shortly after, Kyle found a dirty diaper in his pocket that he had forgotten to throw away. I couldn't decide which was more disgusting to me.
  
  
• I've always HATED dark chocolate, but around 30 weeks pregnant, I started craving it. The craving hasn't ended. My favorites are the Ghirardelli chocolate squares in dark & raspberry and dark & salted caramel.

Home Improvements

I can say without hesitation that the last 4 - 5 days are probably some of the most stressful I've ever had.

On Thursday we had new carpet installed in all of the bedrooms. I mentioned that Kyle and I installed wood flooring throughout the house in August/September and this was the last piece of the flooring updates. I'm telling you . . . it feels like a brand new house! I love it!

The carpet that was installed by our builder was considered "builder's grade." The installation person we were talking to told us that it's normally only expected to last 2 - 3 years while the owners figure out what they really want. It's been 7 years, so we were way past due and it showed.

The stressful part of the whole thing is that we had to move every piece of furniture and every item into our living room/kitchen on Wednesday night (thanks to the help of Kyle's cousin Brian). We slept on the floor and couches on Wednesday night and it was miserable. When we moved things back in, we moved all of Ben's stuff into his and Jack's shared room and cleaned out the nursery for Claire. This involved buying more shelving and drawers for the boys, assembling it, sorting through things, etc. We couldn't really prepare meals so there was a lot of eating out and a lot of television for the boys while we tried to get everything going. It was chaotic.

But like I said, I LOVE the new floors. We still have finishing touches to add, but I think we'll have those done in the next couple of weeks.

Some good news: Claire will actually have a girl's nursery! I was worried that we might just have to make do with blue and green rocket ships, because I wasn't sure when we'd have time to change things up. But I'm happy to say that the blue walls have been replaced by gray walls and the rockets have been replaced by zinnias.

On top of everything else, I developed a nasty cold on Saturday night / Sunday morning. Sore throat, congestion and the worst achiness I've ever experienced with a cold. I haven't had a fever or anything. I've just felt crummy. I thought it would be over quickly, but I couldn't even pull myself out of bed this morning, other than to go sit in the bathroom and run hot water to help clear my congestion. I'm so thankful for Kyle and how he takes care of me.

In 15 minutes or less . . .

1. It's shocking how quickly 6 days can pass . . . it feels like I wrote my last post yesterday.

2. Jack and Ben are now sharing a room. We're all adjusting to the change. Last night was the easiest bedtime ever. Tonight . . . not so much.

3. I love both of my kids but over the last two weeks, they've both become incredibly difficult. Disobedient, disrespectful and WHINY. I'm sure it has to do with adjusting to the new schedule and being with ME more rather than a team of college students who dote on them non-stop. But it's getting tiring.

4. I threw a shower for Jeanette last weekend and Ben's birthday party was yesterday . . . I have a month until the next shower and that'll be a nice break from party planning. Both events were a lot of fun and I can't wait to post photos.

5. Jack started preschool this week. Again, photos are forthcoming. I stopped taking photography clients back in the spring, because I was losing my creative edge and I really don't have the time with all of the design work I'm getting. After 6 months, I'm just starting to really enjoy taking my camera out again. I'll be taking some pictures for a few friends and I'm actually looking forward to it. It's amazing how much a nice break will help to refresh your creativity.

6. As a part of my desire to relax and slow down a little bit, I'm reading the Hunger Games trilogy. It's a little embarrassing to love a series of books written for young adults so much, but I do. I read the first book in a day, but I'm half way through the second.

7. The flooring is essentially done. We're going to try and pick out some carpet for the bedrooms this week, but our bedrooms have more square footage than we had estimated, so we might have to downgrade a little to stay within our budget. We'll see. I love, love, love our floors and am so happy with how they turned out. And while we've had some slipping and sliding, for the most part the boys like pretending to ice skate on them! Lots and lots of socks with rubber grippers are in our future!

My time's up!

Celebrated

Kyle and I came home late one night and found that his cousin, Amy, had left us flowers as congratulations on baby #3. They were beautiful and I was so surprised and grateful.

By child #3, it sometimes seems like no one cares as much as they did the first time around. It was so nice to feel like this little one was being celebrated! Thanks, Amy!

In fifteen minutes or less . . .

1. I'm busy. So incredibly busy. Words can't even describe, so I'll spare you. I'm sitting here wondering if I should even be writing this because I could get SO MUCH done in these 15 minutes. But I'll continue . . .

2. My favorite thing that Ben does right now (there are actually lots of them) is when we're finished with a book he immediately starts saying "Un mo! Un mo!" for "One more!" I can hardly resist.

3. Jack threw the tantrum of all tantrums on Saturday. Over a Happy Meal toy. It deserves an entire post of it's own, but let me tell you . . . if there were awards for this kind of thing, he would have received a medal. Or maybe a trophy.

4. Speaking of Happy Meal toys, Arby's has different fire fighter tools in their kids meals now. On Sunday, Jack got a blow up axe and Ben got safety goggles. I love it . . . so much better than Batman figurines or cardboard games with thousands of little punch out pieces.

5. I'm obsessed with Panera breakfast sandwiches. I don't know why I had such low expectations, but I love them. My favorite is their power breakfast sandwich. With sausage or bacon instead of ham, of course. Because ham? Really?

6. We bought a hammock and a stand about 6 years ago and last summer, the hammock sort of disintegrated. So far this spring, I've purchased and returned three hammocks, all of which were too big for our stand. Apparently, we have an odd-sized stand and we're having trouble finding a hammock anywhere (online or otherwise) to fit it. It's such a bummer because I love laying out in it while the boys play in the sand box.

7. We'd planned to have Jack's birthday party on Memorial Day like we have every year. But it's 3 weeks away and I still haven't finished the invitations (see #1). I'm STRESSED. I'm so busy with other people's parties and invitations, that sometimes our own family's projects get pushed to the last minute. We'd planned on inviting some of his friends this year and I'm so worried that no one will be able to come! Debbie laughed at me back in January when I was wanting to start planning, but now I'm wishing I had been more intentional about that.

8. I'm headed to Greenville next week. Let me say that again . . .I'M HEADED TO GREENVILLE NEXT WEEK! We'll be in STL for a birthday party on Saturday, too. I'm so excited, but a little stressed about it. It's just me and the boys traveling down there alone. After last weekend's tantrum, I'm fearful of taking them both out anywhere alone again. Kyle has a baseball tournament on that Saturday. I'm also trying to convince him that he'll have enough time to lay our new flooring at our house while we're gone. Fingers crossed.

8. The boys received a butterfly house for Easter and we our catterpillars came in the mail last week. As of this morning, all but one had spun a cocoon. It's AWESOME. I think Kyle and I are enjoying it more than as much as the boys are! As soon as the last little guy gets his cocoon done, we'll just wait for them to . . . hatch? Is that the right word? I don't know. My fear is that they'll come out when we're in Greenville next week and I'll the boys will miss it. I wonder how Sarah would feel about us bringing a butterfly habitat down with us . . .

Irony

I've had chronic clavicle and shoulder and neck pain on my right side for 10 years. No, strike that . . . 12 years. Sheesh . . . I'm getting old.

It's become progressively worse as I've gotten older (imagine that) and for the last few months has been about as bad as it's ever been.

I've seen doctors, specialists, physical therapists, chiropractors, massage therapists, etc. and they all agree (to quote the shoulder specialist I saw a few years back), "There's nothing wrong with your shoulder." Which is interesting, because my right shoulder sits about 3" higher than my left and there is obvious asymmetry in my sternoclavicular joint. By the way, I spelled that right on my first try.

The pain is often severe and ibuprofen and acetaminophen (again, spelled correctly on the first try) have become like daily vitamins.

In October, my doctor told me that picking up my kids was probably aggravating it. So {enter sarcasm} I told her that I'd let my staff of nannies and personal assistants do the picking up for me for a while. She also said that it might help to not work at a computer for few weeks. Which is also ok, because we have that big pile of money just sitting there in the back yard, so quitting my jobs is no problem at all.

I've been dealing with this for over a decade and it's recently really become more of an issue. Likely because Ben is getting heavier and still needs to be carried from time to time. I'm tired ALL of the time, because . . . well, pain is exhausting. I wake up and can often barely move because everything is so tense and tight that it's 10x more painful until I can get everything stretched out.

So, after some coaxing from my family doctor, I finally made an appointment with a D.O. I made the appointment at the beginning of this month, but the appointment is on Tuesday.

And of course, this week, for the first time in several years, I've had almost close to zero pain in my shoulder. I'm not complaining, because the relief is so great.

I just hope she doesn't tell me that there isn't anything wrong.

Clean up

After dinner, I asked Jack to put away all of the books and toys that were spread across the living room floor. I only asked him once, and when I looked back into the living room two minutes later, the floor was clear.

I praised him for following instructions so well and obeying on the first time and told him he could go play downstairs. About five minutes later, I noticed this . . .

Stinker.

In 15 Minutes or Less, vacation edition

• We made the trip down in two days, which was good because we had to stop, literally, every hour or hour and a half for potty or diaper change or crankiness. We were going to try and get home in one day, but that's no longer the plan.
  
  
• We're in Tennessee and it was in the mid-80s yesterday and today. Unfortunately, there's a pretty bad storm rolling through and the high tomorrow is supposed to be 52 degrees. We're headed to the aquarium tomorrow.
  
  
• Bennett is NOT fun in restaurants right now. Having a fully equipped kitchen in our condo in which we can eat most of our meals helps preserve my sanity. Staying here over a hotel was a GOOD idea.
  
  
• Speaking of the condo, it's AMAZING. Everything's so new and updated. We ate lunch on the balcony and watched a couple of really bad golfers on the course behind us. Kyle and the boys had a movie night tonight while I just soaked in the jacuzzi tub. Glorious. Speaking of pampered . . . have I mentioned there's a spa here? I do have an appointment for Wednesday morning, thankyouverymuch.
  
  
• We packed a minimum of clothing for each of us and cut down on our luggage quite a bit by doing so. We have a washer and dryer here and doing a load of laundry a day is so worth it to me to keep things simple.
  
  
• Ben is a SWIMMER. This was the first time he had ever been in a pool (seriously . . . at 18 months) and he basically hit the water and was kicking and moving his arms like he'd been in swimming lessons for months. It's like he knew exactly what to do. Jack loves to swim, but is very uncertain in the water so this was new for us. We have to watch him closely though because he has no fear and I'm pretty sure if we weren't he'd try and jump in on his own.
  
  
• The boys love to ride the elevator and we have to make them take turns pressing the "down" button.
  

My time's up!

Love-Hate

Playdough and I have a love-hate relationship.

I love how long it can keep my boys entertained.

I hate cleaning it up. You really are unaware of how many crevices there are in your kitchen until you allow two little boys to play with playdough in it.

Building a snowman

I'm just finished processing my January photos, and I wanted to share these for the soap snowman that Jack made for an at-home school project.

It was easy, quick and he really enjoyed it. And because we can build it while sitting in our nice, toasty home, this is the kind of snowman I like to build.

My Not-To-Do List

I just finished a book by Shauna Niequest this winter called Bittersweet: Thoughts on Change, Grace, and Learning the Hard Way. There is so much in this book that I could relate to and share, but the parts that my mind always wanders back to are these:

"This winter, I got the kind of tired that you can't recover form, almost like something gets altered on a cellular level, and you begin to fantasize about what it would be like to just not be tired anymore. You don't fantasize about money or men or the Italian Riviera. All you daydream about is not feeling exhausted, about neck muscles that don't throb, about a mind that isn't fogged every single day."

I know exactly what that is. I felt as though she were reading my thoughts. And as I read the next few pages, I couldn't help but feel as if she were speaking directly to me.

"It's fundamental to my understanding of myself for me to be the strong one, the capable one, the busy one, the one who can bail you out, not make a fuss, bring a meal, add a few more things to the list."

Gulp.

"DO EVERYTHING BETTER [is] a super-charged triple threat, capturing in three words the mania of modern life, the anti-spirit, anti-spiritual, soul-shriveling garbage that infects and compromises our lives."

Double gulp.

"She said it's not hard to decide what you want your life to be about. What's hard, she said, is figuring out what you're willing to give up in order to do the things you really care about . . . . Deciding what I wanted wasn't that hard. But deciding what I'm willing to give up for those things is like yoga for your superego, stretching and pushing and ultimately healing that nasty little person inside of you who exists only for what people think."

I think instead of making to-do lists, it might be time for me to start making "things-not-to-do lists." I just don't even know where to begin.

Taking off my cranky pants

I'm headed to a $2000 dentist appointment in a little bit. At my check up last month, there was nothing wrong. Today? "SURPRISE! We need you to pay us $2000."

Our grand total of unexpected expenses for 2011 is at almost half of my annual salary. By the way, it's only February. Also, we're still down one car.

I want to complain. I so badly want to whine about how awful this is, but as much as I try not to, my mind keeps taking me back to how fortunate I am. Well, fortunate and in debt. But fortunate, nonetheless.

I don't want to feel that way. I want to stomp and throw a tantrum, much like Jack does when things don't go his way. I don't want to count my blessings . . . I want to stress out. And in all honesty, I've done a little bit of that today. But there's something that keeps cutting into my self-pity and stressing.

I've been more intentional about reading my Bible this month (I'm trying to do the New thru 30 reading plan . . . though it'll likely end up being New thru 90 at the rate I'm going).
In Hebrews, the author says, "For the word of God is living and active and sharper than any two-edged sword, and piercing as far as the division of soul and spirit, of both joints and marrow, and able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart."

That's not just good writing. It's truth and I've seen the evidence over the last few weeks. When I'm reading the Bible regularly, it sticks with me. The words are life giving and bring perspective. I absorb them and they become a part of who I am. Whether I obey them or not . . . well, that's still my decision . . . but their transforming work begins even without my permission.

I just keep remembering that I'm a part of something way larger than myself. My mind goes back to the fact that there's a bigger story at play, and while I need to be responsible with my finances, how much money I have is ultimately not the point. Comfort is not the point. Retiring to someplace warm some day would be nice . . . but it's also not the point.

Let's face it . . . in the grand scheme of things, we're already pretty darn comfortable. We have a home that we love. A car that is way more than enough to get us where we need to go. We have access to medical and dental care. This massive infection in my mouth? It'll be gone in a few hours. Kyle's kidney stones? Almost gone, with both kidneys still functioning. Both of my boys are healthy and breathing clearly. Our refrigerator is full and our heat is on. We have so much more than we need. Even if none of the above were true, I could still tell of abundant blessings.

I kind feel like laying in bed crying and feeling sorry for myself, but my mind and my heart won't let me do it . . . because I can't even remember why I was complaining in the first place.

The big 1-0-0-0

It's only 47 degrees outside, but it feels like 75 degrees to my soul.

This week of warmer weather was exactly what I needed. I realize that snow is predicted for next week and the high a week from today will only be 24, but that's okay because tomorrow we're going to make dinner on the grill. I feel like after this week, I can make it to spring.

Yesterday I realized that I missed acknowledging my 1000th blog post a few weeks ago. So . . . I guess that's what I'm doing now. I've posted more than 1000 times in my 4 years of blogging. You're welcome.

I also just noticed that I never posted a fourth annual "best of" like I normally do during the first week of January. So, here you go . . . the best of 2010:

January

February

March

April

May

June

July

August

September

October

November

December


If you're looking for more reading material, you could check out the best of 2007, the best of 2008 and the best of 2009. You can thank me later.

Avoiding the "Tilt & Nod"

I just spent 30 minutes composing a post about how I've been feeling the last two weeks, but deleted it. I just can't find the right words, and it would have depressed anyone who read it. And, I definitely would have gotten the "sympathetic head tilt and nod" the next I saw you. I hate the tilt and nod.

In short, I feel like winter is sitting on my chest and bouncing up and down in an effort to knock the wind out of me. Spring cannot come too quickly.

Instead of depressing you further, I'll share this little gem from after we took Jack sledding shortly after Christmas. It's the ultimate in hat hair.

Blah

I came across these pictures this week and it made me so anxious for the spring. I can't wait for warmer weather and sunshine. I'm ready to have the windows open and to take afternoon walks with the boys.

I'm in a little bit of a funk but I think it has mostly to do with the weather. I have to keep reminding myself that it won't stay winter forever and surely my spirits will lift with increased sunshine. Spring has come eventually every year and I have no reason to believe that this year will be any different!

Bread

There's something good about baking bread.

Isn't it amazing that different proportions and quantities of the same few ingredients can give you so many different things? Flour + water + yeast + salt = many, many different types of bread. Incredible.

Bread makes you wait. It encourages delayed gratification. It's a science and an art all at the same time. It's delicious and wholesome. And there's something satisfying about mastering kneading, folding and shaping techniques.

My love for bread making began on a trip to Chicago when Kyle and I had been married for less than a year. I was stuck in traffic and the radio was on an AM talk station. Normally I would have changed it, but I just wasn't paying attention.

The interview was with a woman named Rose Levy Beranbaum, author of The Bread Bible. I shifted into park on I-90, waiting for traffic to start moving again and listened to her talk about baking bread as if it were a type of therapy. Kyle bought me The Bread Bible for Christmas and he still says it was one of the best investments he's ever made.

I made bread way more before we had kids than I do now, for all of the obvious reasons. I made two loaves of cinnamon swirl bread two weeks ago, and my love for it came rushing back. Now, however, I have to barricade the work area of my kitchen so that I don't have any little people reaching for things on the counter or touching hot pans.

Several people have asked me for the recipe, but it's 7 pages long. I found a condensed version of the recipe on this post (scroll a little bit down the page).