Meet Claire

"There's nothing that says 'Merry Christmas' like your water breaking on your parents' nice furniture." That was the text I sent to a few friends on my way to the hospital on Christmas Day.

Let me back up a little . . .

For the week before Christmas, I told people that I had been so anxious for Claire to come, but now that Christmas was so close, I just wanted her to hold off until after Christmas morning. I just didn't want to miss out on having that time with the boys. And she listened to her Mama!

Our Christmas morning was perfect. The boys woke us up at 6:30. We tried to have them cuddle with us in bed for a while in order to get just a few more minutes of sleep, but that was useless. I mean, it was Christmas morning and they had already seen the silhouettes of their new bikes leaning against the Christmas tree.

We decided to not go to church so that we could just spend the morning together, let them play with their gifts and not have to rush. The each got a new bike from Santa, and then a few miscellaneous gifts from us. Kyle made breakfast and we just let them play while we relaxed the entire morning. I folded a basket or two of laundry, but for the most part, we just kind of let things go and didn't worry about any sort of organization or order. I even commented to Kyle that it was one of the best Christmas mornings I could remember.

As we were packing up to go to my parents, I told Kyle not to worry about picking anything up. He had to be back early Monday morning and I told him that the boys and I would work on organizing when we got home. As we were packing our stuff, I threw the pile of clothes that I had started putting together "for the hospital" into our suitcase and commented to him to grab the boppy. We both kind of laughed and I rolled my eyes at the thought that in the 18 hours we'd be gone, 4 days before my due date, that I'd need them. We didn't bring any of Claire's things or the car seat because that just seemed silly. I hadn't officially packed for the hospital yet, so I really didn't have much together anyway.

Here's how the next 48 hours went:

11:30 AM We left for my parents house. We listened to Christmas music on the way to my parents house and both boys were so sleepy. Ben fell asleep about 10 minutes before we got to their house. We tried to transfer him to a bed in their house, but he woke up as soon as we got him out of the car.

1:00 The first thing we did upon arrival was to eat lunch. Everyone could tell I was hungry because I kept commenting on how amazing the simple turkey sandwich was.

2:00 We exchanged gifts. The boys got some really neat toys and were consumed with those almost immediately.

3:00 My brother, Jeff, and Jack were in the living room putting lego cars together and Ben was in the family room playing with his new train set. Claire was just kicking away and I commented on how nice it was because she had been so quiet the last week or so. I made a trip to triage exactly a week before that because her movement had slowed so much. But she was happy and healthy! The nurse said she was a picture of fetal health. That was reassuring, but feeling her move was even more reassuring.

3:15 I moved upstairs to the living room to see what Jack and Jeff were doing and sat down. My mom brought a gift for Claire down. She said she had intended to save it for the hospital, but was just going to give it to me now so that I wouldn't have to worry about packing it up and taking it home with me then. I looked through the cute clothes and snowsuits. I started putting them back in the bag and felt some sharp cramps really low.

3:30 My mom walked back to the kitchen. I sat back to relax and laughed at something Jack said . . . and the floodgates opened. I jumped up and ran/galloped to the bathroom trying to leave as little of a trail as possible.

My mom asked what was going on and I said, "Either I wet my pants or my water just broke." After the episode when I was pregnant with Ben, I really thought I had probably just wet my pants and was SUPER embarrassed to the point of tears. Kyle asked what I needed and I said, "A pair of pants, underwear and a little bit of dignity." I was laughing and crying all at the same time. I put the new pants on (yoga pants . . . the only other pair I had with me), stood up, and knew immediately that I had not wet my pants.

My water had broken.

I just looked at Kyle and felt a little bit frozen. I was shocked. I searched for the number for triage. I had been thinking that week that I needed to get it programmed into my phone, but thought I had time for that. My mom looked up the number for me, I called and then waited for the call back. I felt nauseous, nervous and excited all at once.

My sister had gone up to take a nap after we opened gifts, so I went up and said, "Uh, my water broke, so we're leaving. Merry Christmas."

After my water broke - before we left for the hospital - 39 1/2 weeks

Our last photo as a family of four - doesn't Jack look thrilled?

4:00 We started for the hospital in my parents car (so they could keep ours with the car seats for the boys) before the triage nurse even called back. But when she did she instructed us to come right in.

4:30 We got there and the labor and delivery floor was EMPTY. There were only nine other laboring women that day. No one schedules induction or c-sections for Christmas, after all.

5:30 We were moved from triage into a room. That's when the waiting began.

6:00 I was having contractions, but nothing painful or productive. Kyle and I roamed the halls of the 9th floor several times. I didn't have any socks or slippers with me, so I was wearing my hospital gown and a pair of gray flats. It was super classy. The hospital opened on December 4 so everything was new to us. It was kind of fun to explore and look around, but it did nothing to help with contractions. The doctor offered pictocin to get things moving, but I really thought that maybe things would pick up on their own. We went back to the room and watched some tv. Kyle watched football because I wasn't really interested in anything that was on.

7:00 Shift change. Our new nurse (Renee) said she had two patients, and she was pretty sure she'd be sticking with me since she thought I'd probably go into hard labor sooner than her other.

9:00 Renee came to tell me I'd be getting a new nurse since her other patient was in hard labor. I was bummed because she was so great. Our new nurse (Kim) enters the picture and is great, too. Relief. You never know how happy or helpful the staff will be when they have to work on Christmas day.

12:00 AM The doctor checked in and I told her we could go ahead and start the pitocin, much to my dismay. I finished the book I was reading (The Help).

12:30 Kim starts the pitocin and I just sit and wait. I couldn't sleep, but Kyle didn't have much trouble.

12:45 I hear the baby crying from the lady who's water broke around the same time I did. Awesome.

3:30 Contractions became painful. The nurse asked if I was ready for an epidural, but I didn't think I needed one yet. Kyle was still sleeping. I probably should have woken him up, but I figured one of us should get some sleep, right?

4:58 I texted my mom and said contractions were 3 - 4 minutes apart, but still bearable.

6:00ish I woke Kyle up, called the nurse and said I was ready for an epidural. I was dilated to 6 and it was time. The anesthesiologist was in my room within what seemed like seconds. Like I said, the floor was pretty empty that night. The difference between this epidural and the one with Ben was that with Ben, I was between an 8 and a 9 when I got to the hospital. At that point, I was in so much pain and had no breaks between contractions, so I wasn't even aware of what they were doing to give me the epidural. This time around, the contractions were painful, but I had about two minutes between each one and was keenly aware of the pressure and pricks in my pack. It made me nervous and nauseous just thinking about it.

6:30ish Euphoria. The epidural was glorious. I actually was able to rest a little bit.
It was at this point that we finally decided on her middle name.

7:30 The doctor checked me and I was dilated completely. I had zero urge to push though. I wanted to wait a bit.

8:00ish I felt like I was ready to push. One problem . . . Kyle had gone to find a bathroom. In that big, new hospital, they were hard to find. I texted him to tell him that I was ready to push and he got back pretty quick. The doctors were all there and I started pushing at about 8:15. Pushing was quick, but it was a lot harder than I remember it being with Ben. A week later, my muscles are still sore from it.

8:22 Claire Grace Luke entered the world. I was overflowing with emotion and couldn't believe what a beautiful mess she was. They wrapped her in a blanket and gave her right to me and I just cried and cried. As they were cleaning her up, I asked, "She is a girl right?!" And they confirmed that she in fact, is a girl.

I was overwhelmed with emotion . . . just like I was when the boys were born. We couldn't believe we had a daughter. I couldn't believe that I ever wanted a boy, because she was so perfectly ours.

She cried and cried and cried for the next hour or so. They had guessed that she was 9 pounds, 9 ounces, but she was only 8 pounds, 13 ounces and 21 inches. To us, she was a petite little thing. I nursed her soon after she was born, and she'd nurse for a minute and then cry for a minute. Her lower lip would stick out (much like Ben's) and would quiver as she sobbed. If she had been my first, I probably would have been a little overwhelmed by it, but by this point, we know how to soothe crying babies and we did eventually.

When the nurse took her to bathe her, I just remember being SO tired. I hadn't slept much on Christmas eve or at all that night and the whole childbirth thing just sucked every bit of energy right out of me. But I didn't want to fall asleep and miss anything.

Claire's first bath . . . water running over her head was the only time she stopped crying. Doesn't it look like she was trying to steal the nurse's pager?

Our parents, my siblings and the boys all came up to meet her that morning. The boys were pretty comfortable around her and each held her. Ben even climbed up into bed with me for a minute, though Jack wouldn't. He was a little freaked out by my IV port. Both boys cried a lot when they left, which was hard on us, but we know it had more to do with all of the change that was going on than anything else.

That afternoon and evening, Kyle and I just took turns holding her and staring at her. She didn't open her eyes much that first day, except for about 10 minutes that evening. She looked back and forth at each of us and we told her how much she was loved. We just marveled over her. It was one of my all time favorite moments.

There were so many things on my mind and heart when we were at the hospital . . . things that aren't necessarily blog-suitable, but that left me overflowing with emotion. I'll never forget how much time I spent praying that night. The nurses kept asking me if I was okay, and I kept assuring them that I was fine . . . just emotional.

We were in the hospital until the following morning and were home in the early afternoon on the 27th. We stopped by Target to pick up my pain medication. She didn't make a peep for the entire drive home or the trip to Target.

The last week has been challenging, for sure. I've had some healing issues and for various reasons, my emotions have been off-kilter far more than they ever were with the boys. But we're adjusting and we're blessed. I'm so thankful.

What I thought I'd be doing this week . . .

I had this whole list of things I intended to write about and do this week . . . things we did leading up to Christmas, funny new things that the boys have been doing, photos, etc. I thoroughly expected to still be pregnant. I thought Claire would come January 4 . . . exactly one week past her due date.

But I'm not doing those things. Instead, I'm settling into my role as the mother of three, with all of its blessings and challenges.

I wanted to write about Friday, the 23rd, and how I cooked/baked all day. Trays of lasagna, macaroni and cheese, tons of shredded/cubed chicken for future recipes (thanks to my friends on facebook for the tips on doing that), gingerbread cookies, sugar cookies, cheater cake pops, chocolate mint cookies . . . you could say that I overdid it. Kyle took the boys to the Treehouse that day, but even so, I was hurting and exhausted by the end of the day. I had a few contractions that night that made me think we might be headed to the hospital, but they amounted to nothing.

I wanted to write about how Jack helped me with my baking earlier in the week and told me before he went to bed on Wednesday night saying, "I loved baking with you mom, and I'll never forget this day." And how with that statement, the frustrations of cooking with a 4-year-old were almost totally erased from my memory.

I wanted to write about Ben and how he's picking up on all of the phrases Jack uses, including, but not limited to "That's disgusting," "It's not fair" and "I hate this." And how if we ask him a question he doesn't want to answer he looks and us and says, "shhh!" Make no mistake . . . none of those are appropriate responses, and they almost always come with consequences, but it still cracks me up when I put the news on in the morning and Ben says, "No! News is nisdusting!"

I was going to write about how the intense pain that I'd been having for the last 2 1/2 months had almost completely gone away that week and how it felt like a Christmas miracle. In retrospect, Claire had just dropped far enough down that it eliminated the pain.

My plan for the week was to edit all of the photos I've had building up since October and get those posted. I had hoped to have them all done before I edited the tons of baby pictures I knew I'd take once Claire arrived.

I wanted to finish the word art that I'd started for Claire's room and have it ordered and up in her room before she was born.

I had one last big project for work that I wanted to complete before she came.

I wanted to get all of the Christmas gifts put away and Christmas decorations down. I know this is kind of "bah humbug" of me, but it stresses me out to have Christmas decorations up. For the entire month of December, I feel like I'm kind of in limbo, just waiting for my house to go back to normal. I'm sure that says more about my control issues than it does anything else.

I wanted to get a 40 week picture.

But I don't control these things and Claire's arrival 3 days early was a reminder of that.

Instead, I'll be tackling these things over the next few weeks. I've also been jotting down notes on her birth story because even though it's only been a week since my water broke, memories are fading. And just typing that made me cry if it's any indication as to where I am emotionally right now.

I'm grateful for our friends and family who have made this transition a little easier. I'm incredibly grateful for Kyle, without whom I would be completely unable to cope. I'm grateful for Jack and Ben and how much they love us and their little sister. While they've presented challenges this week, my love for them increases daily, if that's even possible. And I'm grateful for Claire . . . that she's a good sleeper (knock on wood) and that she's changed me more in the last six days that I ever could have imagined. Even though I've already been through this twice before, I had no idea how fast and hard I'd fall for her. It's astonishing to think that God has entrusted us with another little life to take care of . . . I pray every day that He'll make us equal to the task.

Claire Grace Luke

Claire Grace Luke spoke the name of God when she took her first breath today at 8:22 AM. We thought we'd have a Christmas baby, but she really took her time. More on her story later. She was 8 pounds, 13 ounces and measured 21.5 inches.

We are totally in love with her and can't believe she's ours. I find myself in total disbelief over the fact that I ever lamented having a girl instead of a boy because within 10 seconds of laying eyes on her I couldn't imagine life without her.

http://vimeo.com/34238687

Happy birthday, baby girl!

Almost 38 weeks.

When you're the friend or family member of a photographer, you get maternity photos like this:

The photo above is of Debbie, by the way . . . who gave birth to Hayleigh this morning, with a birth story that might just make her your hero.

When you ARE the photographer, however, you have to settle for maternity photos like this:

This is me last Saturday at almost 38 weeks. Shameful, I know. But at least I'm taking them, right?

It's all getting very real . . . I'm going to be doing this all over again. Labor and delivery . . . the first few months . . . adjusting to more children than I had before. It's sinking in.

I've been having lots of contractions (with is nothing new for this pregnancy) but over the weekend and this week they've become stronger. Maybe we will have a 2011 baby afterall. Maybe?

Or maybe I'll be sitting at home on January 8 laughing about the fact that I ever once thought I might deliver early.

37 weeks

Remember when I used to update my blog daily? Remember that? No?

Yeah, it's been a while.

My little girl is officially "full-term" and can come at any time. Although, we know that if history is any indicator, she'll be a week or two late. I don't even have a bag packed yet. My official guess for her arrival is January 4. My hope is December 28 (my actual due date).

Everything about this pregnancy has been different. Her movement is different than the boys' was. I'm carrying her differently. I've gained more weight than I did with Ben, but less than I did with Jack (although give me three weeks and we'll see if that's still true).

I haven't been to triage once. With both boys, there were days when I wouldn't feel movement or would have some other issue. I've had those issues this time around, but I wait it out . . . mainly because I'm home alone with the boys or am in the middle of something and have to wait. And by the time I could call, everything's back to normal. I'm still having lots of contractions. I had three late last night that made me wonder if I needed to start timing them.

36 weeks

I was thinking this week (given that it's the most wonderful time of the year) that if she were to come now, I'd be in trouble. I'm NOT ready.

My emotions have hit a peak, and everything makes me cry. A rude email from a customer, a sideways glance from a stranger, a holiday commercial depicting a relative from overseas arriving home . . . it gets me all choked up. Every holiday card I've done for a family with three boys has made me cry over the disappointment of not having three boys. And every holiday card I've done for a family with two boys and a girl has made me cry over how excited I am to have a daughter for my boys to have a little sister.

Anyone who knows me understands that I don't like being pregnant. I don't like the discomfort and the stress and the toll it takes on my body. I really hate the aftermath of childbirth. I don't like it, but I don't want to complain either. After the time, money and struggle it took to get pregnant with Jack, I don't take a pregnancy for granted and I'm grateful. But it doesn't mean that I like it. I just love the outcome enough to outweigh the discomfort.

Anyway, the day after Thanksgiving, I ran up to the store (It was 60 degrees and I was looking for ANYTHING that would get me out of the house) and on the way home, Claire was kicking and I could see my belly wiggling. I started thinking about how this would be my last time to experience this and how I'd never know a baby wiggling in my belly again. I thought about how this is the last time I'd share my body with a little one and how precious it is. And I just lost it. I cried all the way home and walked in the house looking like I'd just lost my best friend.

Ben asked, "Mama sad?" And I replied, "No, Mama's pregnant."

I've been very sentimental about the whole thing over the last week. I'm in a lot of pain and I'm super uncomfortable, but I know that it's for the last time. I know that after this, I'll never do it again. It's a little bit like high school graduation . . . you can't wait for it to be over, but it's a little bit sad that you'll never be back.

These photos from 36 weeks. The boys are going to stay with my parents this weekend and I'm hoping Kyle will take a few while we're totally undistracted by the boys. You know . . . ones where you can actually see my face.

36 weeks

At least I'm not on fire

This summer, when people complained about anything, we got our staff in the habit of saying "Hey . . . at least you're not on fire." Because really? Being on fire would have been worse than anything else that was going on.

I spent much of the last two weeks muttering "at least I'm not on fire" under my breath.

I was NOT sleeping well and this recent cold beat me up more than any other illness ever has. I don't ever remember feeling as crummy as I did. I was so, so tired . . . and when I'm tired, I become snarky and cranky. The cough that kept me up all night made my entire belly ache and I wondered all the time if it was hurting the baby (although google assures me she'll be just fine). I was coughing so hard and so much I thought she might just shoot right out from all the pressure. The worst part is not being able to take any drugs that might help.

The pain from this pregnancy is intensifying, just as predicted. During the week after my last appointment, I really wondered if the doctor had just been exaggerating. YOu know . . . making it sound worse than it is just to help me prepare for the worst? She wasn't.

It doesn't help that I'm not taking it as easy as I should be. The whole "stay sitting or laying down" thing seems impossible. And Ben has become ultra clingy . . . I think he senses that change is coming and I remember Jack doing this during the month or two before Ben was born.

Speaking of Ben . . . oy. The terrible twos have descended and have Kyle and I feeling a little bit like we've been hit by a truck. While there are still moments of sweetness, the moments of defiance and disobedience far outweigh them. His speech has taken off and you'd never know that three weeks ago I was concerned about it. It's like something clicked. But with that development has come his ability to tell us exactly what he's thinking . . . for better or worse.

There are some things that make us laugh . . . for instance, when he does something he knows he shouldn't, he'll just stomp to the time out chair and climb in grumbling "MIME OUT!" under his breath the whole way. I can't NOT laugh when he puts himself in time out.

When he gives us an inappropriate response to something we tell him to or not to do, we repeat the correct response until he says it too. And I don't think there's anything cuter than hearing him say, "Otay, mom."

I've mentioned that we've moved Ben and Jack into the same room, and that's totally ruined his sleep. He was SO amazingly good for bedtime, naptime and slept all night. Not so much anymore. Right now, they're sleeping on mattresses on the floor, but their beds come on Wednesday. I hope that being in a real bed will help him a little bit. Maybe.

The good news, however, is that I'm feeling so much better. I still have little coughing fits every now and then, but they're definitely fewer.

Ouch.

I had my 31-week check up. Let me tell you . . . I'm loving only having to go into the doctor's office every six weeks this time around. I'm sure I would have hated it when I was pregnant with Jack. But now that we're on to number 3, it's nice not having to make that drive as often. The next time I go back, I'll be full term!

Anyway, we brought the boys with us for the obligatory "hear your sister's heartbeat" visit. Jack was really excited. Ben was really quiet and just kind of watched and listened. They both behaved so well. I was stressed out about how they would act, but they were awesome.

It turns out that I actually should have been stressed out about something else.

I mentioned all of my contractions . . . I have around 8 - 10 an hour when I'm up and moving around and less when I'm sitting or laying down. She didn't seem too concerned, so I wasn't either. Phew.

But then I mentioned some pain I've been having for a few weeks. I had almost forgotten to say anything about it until I went to step down off the table and felt the sharp pains through my entire pelvis and back. I won't go into all of the details, but she did a real quick exam and I believe her exact words were "Oh, crap."

Apparently, this "issue" can sometimes arise in women on their third or fourth pregnancies, particularly with a history of large babies. Jack was 8 lb, 10 oz and Ben was 9 lb, 6 oz . . . not abnormally huge, but definitely not tiny.

The only thing that will relieve the pain is having the baby. Likely, it will continue to get worse until after this little girl is born. Awesome. I'm supposed to avoid lifting the boys as much as I can and I'm supposed to stay sitting or laying as much as possible to try and keep it from progressing any faster. When I said, "Yeah, right" she warned that some women, if they're not careful, end up in wheelchairs for the last few weeks of pregnancy because of the pain from this.

Ugh.

I asked if it would interfere with labor and delivery and she said it wouldn't, but they often have to induce early because the pain gets so severe. And if you know me, I'll do almost anything to avoid being induced.

On top of all of that, my platelets are low which might prevent an epidural. And kudos to those of you who can make it through labor and delivery without one, but I don't think that I can. I'll be tested again at 37 weeks to see how they're doing. Apparently they were low with both Jack and Ben, but not low enough to be worth mentioning. This time they're a little bit lower.

I cried a lot on the way home. I know it's silly . . . none of this life threatening. My little girl will continue to grow and develop normally, and right now the pain is bearable. I can handle this for 10 or 11 weeks, right? It could be so much worse and I have so much to be grateful for.

I just think this was just the tipping point that let all of the fatigue and emotion over miscellaneous things over the last few weeks come spilling out.

SIDE NOTE: I just barely twisted my ankle this morning. For some reason, Jack has it in his head that the entire conversation he overheard between the doctor and I was about my ankle and he's sure that it's what's causing me so much trouble. He just brought me some ice cream and said, "I hope this makes you feel better about your ankle." So sweet.

The GOOD news is that I'm feeling her kick and move daily. Up until the last week or so, every day was a guessing game as to whether I'd feel her and I was kind of on edge until I did.

Here's a self-portrait at about 31 1/2 weeks now. Not flattering, I know. But I finally took one, didn't I? And yes, my eyes are still puffy from crying. Lovely, I know.

Also, I found a few self-photos that had been backed up before my iphone was stolen . ..

18 weeks:

19 weeks:

She has a name

We're excited to have chosen the name "Claire" for our baby girl. We tossed around SO many options. Claire was Kyle's very first pick and we both really love it.

It means, "bright, clear, famous."

As I've been praying for her over the last few days, I've used the meaning of her name as a guide.

BRIGHT
I pray that she'll be bold and imaginative and that she'll reflect God's light wherever she goes.

CLEAR
I pray that she'll be free of anything that obstructs or darkens her love for God or her passion for doing His work.

FAMOUS
I pray that she'll be well known for her brightness, her clarity and her love for the Lord.


We still don't have a middle name for her, and we're open to suggestions. My sister suggested the middle name "Huxtable."

It's funny, but I think we'll pass.

Baby Shower

Jeanette and Debbie threw me a shower last month. It was so, so nice and I appreciated it a lot.

It was in September because they're both pregnant and due before me. The whole thing made it so real . . . I was opening lots of pink and even got her first dress. I'm really excited about having a girl! I've come a long way from where I was on August 3.

Everyone was so generous. I registered at a few places thinking that one or two people might like ideas, but my friends and family just about wiped it clean! I was thankful and humbled.

I was just enjoying myself and didn't pick up my camera once. Luckily, my mom was there and was able to get a few pictures.

On having a girl . . .

It's no secret that I've had mixed feelings on having a girl. I really, honestly thought I was having another boy, and at the moment the ultrasound tech typed "it's a g-" on the screen, it was as if my life flashed before my eyes. I just wasn't prepared for it. I'm a little bit scared of having a girl. This is true.

But Someone I was talking to recently said, "I know you wanted her to be a boy, but you'll love having a girl." I feel like I need to clear that up.

I was hoping for a boy, because that's what I know and what I'm comfortable with. But I want this little girl to be who she is. A girl. Not a boy. I love her already for who she is. I do NOT wish she was a boy.

After we announced we were having a daughter, we had a lot of well meaning people say a lot of really dumb things about how much more I'll love having a daughter than a son. And how she'll stay with me and won't leave me like the boys will. Seriously? I wanted to do the internet equivalent of punching some of them in the nose.

I think my fear of having a girl is more of a fear of having a teenage girl than anything else. Who will teach her to do all of the things I'm inept at. Will we fight over modest clothing and boys that she wants to go out with and why I won't let her wear a bikini? I fear that she'll be completely different than I am. I fear that she'll be exactly like I am.

But just like with the boys, I'm convinced that this world needs her. Whoever she becomes.

We've given her the name Claire. Kyle and I went back and forth on several names and finally had it down to 2 names. Claire was his first choice, and even though I had another name in mind, I loved it and agreed that it was perfect. The middle name is yet to be determined.

Baby girl update

I'm feeling baby girl move more! Not so much over the weekend, but Monday - Wednesday of last week, I felt her every day, multiple times a day. Kyle and Jack have both felt her move now. Ben still doesn't quite get it, but he does hug and kiss my belly each night.

She didn't move a whole lot yesterday, but last night, she gave me a kick that reminded me of what it was like at this stage with the boys. I can sometimes see her poking out now when she moves. It's amazing what a difference an anterior placenta makes. I have discovered that when my bladder is full, I feel her move more, likely because she has less space. I have to admit that sometimes I wait before going to the bathroom just to see if she'll start moving!

I had an appointment last week. Wait, no . . . it was on September 3. Time flies.

Apparently, part of my bowel is wrapped up in front of my uterus, causing the painful cramps on my right side. Lovely, right? And the contractions are from . . . well, taking care of two little boys and everything else that my life entails right now. My doctor didn't seem concerned and neither am I.

Speaking of my doctor . . . I feel so lucky to be seeing the same one that I did with Ben. I loved her then and I love her now. She's friendly, straight forward and listens well.

I feel awful that I lost all of my belly pictures when my phone was stolen, but I will take a 26 week picture this week. I promise.

Any guesses?

Being due so close to Christmas, everyone makes guesses as to when this little girl will arrive more than they did with the boys. So, I thought we'd take a little poll. And to sweeten the deal, I'll buy dinner (in the form of a gift certificate) at the restaurant of my choice for whoever is closest!

Here are some things you may want to consider:

1. My original due date was December 25.
2. My due date was adjusted to December 28 at my first Dr. appointment.
3. During my 19 week ultrasound, her measurements were ranging from Dec. 24 - Dec. 31.
4. Jack was a week late. Ben was 10 days late.
5. A random lady walked up to me at Jack's preschool open house and asked if I was having a boy or a girl. I told her a girl and she said, "She's coming on December 15." It doesn't really have any bearing on the issue, but I thought it was kind of funny.

If you'd like to play, leave a comment here, send a message on facebook, reply on twitter, etc. I'll add you to the calendar.

I'll close the poll in November. Good luck!

Edited to add: Be sure to leave a time, too, in case two people choose the same date!

Robbed

I just flipped my calendar from July to September.

What happened to August?

It was a super busy month, but not as busy as September will be. October's kind of packed, too. And then holiday card business will be in full swing and . . . poof! We'll have another baby before we know it.

But back to August. My 33rd birthday was August 9. We were in the middle of a camp, so it was about as exciting as working on your birthday can be. Kyle surprised us at our morning staff meeting by bringing donuts and juice, so that was fun. I definitely feel older, but I think that has more to do with my pregnancy fatigue and aches than it does anything else.

I'm now 24 weeks pregnant. I had been taking belly photos on my phone for the last few weeks, but my phone was stolen at the end of August. So frustrating. I left it in the car on a shopping trip. We were rushing into Target to beat a storm and when I came back out, it was gone. I went in and searched Target, thinking maybe I had accidentally stuck it in my purse, but when I used the guest services phone to call Kyle, he tracked it and saw that it was moving away from Target. It was gone. So, a new phone is fun. Paying for it when my old phone was perfectly good was not fun.

Our floors are almost finished! Photos of the flooring makeover are forthcoming.

A quck break

I'm taking a short break from helping Kyle install our new wood floors (yay!) to write a pregnancy update. Here's the update: My back HURTS. I remember my back aching sometimes when I was pregnant with the boys, but this is ridiculous. It takes me several minutes to make it to an upright position each time I stand.

A little public service announcement: When you're pregnant and already in really bad back pain, don't rip out carpet and install wood floors. Hire someone to do it. Ouch. We still have 3/4 of the way to go.

At my last appointment, I had relatively little weight gain. I've got to believe that will all end at my next appointment. I'm on to my "stage 2" maternity clothes. I don't even like to think about the fact that with Ben, I was still wearing one or two pairs of regular pants at this stage.

I still don't feel her move that often. Once or twice every 2 - 4 days. I know the whole anterior placenta thing has something to do with it, but it's still unnerving. On Friday night, however, she gave me a really good kick. Just one, but enough to make me feel better. I wish Kyle had been there, because it was strong enough that he definitely would have felt it. She did have hiccups on Tuesday. At least I think that's what they were.

I still have a lot to write about my feelings on having a girl . . . it deserves a post of it's own. I made my first purchases for her over the last few weeks and I'm becoming more comfortable with the idea. I love her so much already . . . I think I'm more worried about whether or not she'll love having me for a mom.

We have names narrowed down to 4 options. Last week, we had it narrowed down to 2, so we're not really making any progress.

What?

As a general rule, I won't post anything on my blog that I've peed on.

But I had to make an exception for this interesting batch of Clearblue pregnancy tests from when I had my positive results back in April. I thought I should share . . . you might have to click on in to be able to read it.

Weird, right?

"We have exciting news"

I don't think I ever wrote about telling people that we're pregnant with #3. We let Jack do most of the "telling" and I'll always regret not having the video camera on for those phone calls.

When he called my mom (who already knew) he said, "We're going to have another baby. It's going to be a girl and we're going to name her Leah." Kyle and I couldn't help but laugh because Leah isn't a name we had discussed, nor did we know at that point that Jack so badly wanted a sister.

When he called Kyle's sister Kristen, Jack said, "Aunt Kristen? We have exciting news! We're going to have another baby." The tone in his voice when he said "We have exciting news!" was cracking us up.

But nothing could really top the phone call with Kyle's sister Katie. "Katie? I have exciting news. I'll give you a hint . . . . Waaaa! Waaaa! Waaaa!" Kyle and I were laughing so hard that Jack wasn't really sure what to do.

When we called Kyle's grandpa, he told Jack, "Congratulations!" And Jack replied, "I'm not the one having a baby. I'm not even a girl!"

No matter what words he used, everyone he spoke to could tell that he was excited for baby #3.

Adjusting

When my friend Jeanette found out she is having a girl, she told me that at that moment her life flashed before her eyes. I can think of no better way to explain my feelings on Wednesday.

Like I said, I had a strong instinct during the first minute of seeing her pictures that she was a girl. Even so, when the technician started typing "IT'S A . . . " my stomach dropped. When I saw the "G" A thousand things flew through my mind . . .

I wondered if she'd get my freckles.
I worried about who would teach her to wear makeup.
I thought about how ridiculous I'll feel putting her in cutesy dresses, when I rarely dress up myself.
I worried that we'll so much alike that we won't get along.
I feared that she'll want to wear shirts that say things like "Princess" or "Diva" or with lots of glitter and sparkles.
I worried that she'll marry someone who will take her far away (which in all fairness, is a worry I've had with my boys, too).
I was frustrated that we might have to re-paint the nurse
I began rehearsing my modesty and self respect speech for when she wants to buy a bikini.
I pictured dolls and tiny little Polly Pockets pieces strewn around the house (God help the person who buys her Polly Pockets).
I thought about how Kyle won't be the only one who can take the kids to the bathroom anymore.

I love this little girl so much already, but I do not feel prepared for her. I don't feel nearly as capable of parenting a girl as I do a boy. Lots of women I know would be relieved to find out that they're having a girl after two boys.

I know I'll adjust and I know I'll be fine. I'm probably being a little overdramatic, but I'm still a little bit in shock. Up until the first 30 seconds of our ultrasound, I was certain we were having a boy.

What doesn't help are the people who leave messages and comments about how much better it is that I'm having a girl than it would be if I was having a boy and list all of the reasons. Often, the reasons are ridiculous and don't apply to me at all.

I was never someone who REALLY wanted a girl. But I know that I do REALLY want this little girl. I've always said that I believe the world needs my boys, and I think the world needs this little girl, too. I'm honored already to be her mom.

I just need some time to get used to the idea. Maybe 20 weeks or so.

Big brothers

Our plan was to bring home balloons for Jack and Ben after Wednesday's ultrasound. Blue if it was a boy and pink if it was a girl.

As with most photo opportunities, I had this idyllic picture in my mind of how it would all go down. We'd take them outside, hand them the balloons and they'd squeal with excitement at the revelation that they were going to have a sister. And then they'd stand there politely with the balloons while I took their picture.

Yeah, right.

They were excited and Jack was jumping up and down (remember that he really wanted a sister), but it lasted about two seconds because it was right before nap time. And remember how I had only had 2 1/2 hours of sleep the night before? Part of it was because Ben was up and 4:45. He was beyond tired.

Jack was so stressed out that the balloons would fly away that he wouldn't even hold them. I tied one to Ben's arm and he was having fun with it until Jack started yelling at him not to lose it.

I have zero pictures. WHich is okay, because I'd like to forget all but the first 20 seconds of it. After their naps, I took them outside with the balloons and tried every bribe in the book to get them to stand there nicely. It just wasn't going to happen.

So on Thursday, when camp was over, we sat them down at the table and showed them all of the photos.

Jack's already asked if we can name her "Leah Pretty Luke." His second choice was "Cassie Lifeguard Luke." This is a prime example of why we don't let 4-year-olds name their younger siblings.

Soon, Jack insisted on "organizing" the photos based on which ones he liked best.

They're going to be great big brothers.

Pink balloons

Wednesday was a really good day. We got to meet this little girl . . .

The balloons in the picture are from telling Jack and Ben. I'll write more on that later.

On Wednesday morning, We had to wake up early to get to Ann Arbor . . . of course it was scheduled during our busiest week of camp all summer. I love U of M, but I do wish it was closer. I had only had 2 1/2 hours of sleep that night and was CRANKY.

We grabbed breakfast at a McDonalds drive through and we were back on the road before I realized that they got my order wrong. So when we got there, I was tired, cranky and hungry.

Then we made the trek through the hospital to the PAC, only to find that it was really cold. So I was tired, cranky, hungry and cold. Not a great combination.

But my crankiness faded when the technician started taking pictures. She is beautiful. I'm not 100% sure why, but I knew from the first minute of the ultrasound that it was a girl. It's just that everything about the pictures was different from the boys.

She didn't stop moving the entire time! The technician wasn't crazy about it, but we loved it! She was sucking her hands and fists and feet. She was wiggling her little body all over the place and twisting and turning. With the boys, I remember them wiggling a little, kicking and waving their hands back and forth, but it was nothing like this. After the technician finished, the doctor had to come in to re-take a couple of the shots and she had completely flipped around with her head on the opposite side! It was so much fun. She's energetic, for sure.

It was a relief to see her move, because the movement I've felt has been so strange and so much less than it was with the boys. I had wondered if my placenta was in the front . . . I had heard friends say that it lessened how much they felt the kicking. She confirmed that my placenta is anterior. That's probably also why it took a little searching for the doctor to find her heartbeat at my last appointment.

I know that I said I wanted a boy. And I did. Everyone's question is how I'm adjusting to the idea. I'm still trying to wrap my head around it. I'll write more about that later too.

Ultra-anxiety

Tomorrow's our fetal survey ultrasound. The big one. I'm so nervous. At dinner, I almost made myself sick thinking about it. Don't get me wrong . . . I'm excited to see pictures of this little one. I just feel so aware of all of the things that could be wrong and I can't seem to push them out of my mind.

Of course, to everyone else, tomorrow is "the day you find out what you're having." I'm excited and nervous about that too. Jack so badly wants a sister. Kyle and I want another boy (but of course, won't be disappointed if it's a girl). Ben just rubs my belly, kisses it and asks, "Baby? Baby?" Which is good, because up until a few days ago, he thought the baby was further north of my belly and couldn't be convinced otherwise. This made for some awkward moments in public.

I've been feeling movements for several weeks now, but nothing really strong. The movement is way different than it was with the boys. Which, of course, makes me worried that there's something wrong. I know that he could just be positioned differently than they were, but my mind won't let me rationalize right now.