When my friend Jeanette found out she is having a girl, she told me that at that moment her life flashed before her eyes. I can think of no better way to explain my feelings on Wednesday.
Like I said, I had a strong instinct during the first minute of seeing her pictures that she was a girl. Even so, when the technician started typing "IT'S A . . . " my stomach dropped. When I saw the "G" A thousand things flew through my mind . . .
I wondered if she'd get my freckles.
I worried about who would teach her to wear makeup.
I thought about how ridiculous I'll feel putting her in cutesy dresses, when I rarely dress up myself.
I worried that we'll so much alike that we won't get along.
I feared that she'll want to wear shirts that say things like "Princess" or "Diva" or with lots of glitter and sparkles.
I worried that she'll marry someone who will take her far away (which in all fairness, is a worry I've had with my boys, too).
I was frustrated that we might have to re-paint the nurse
I began rehearsing my modesty and self respect speech for when she wants to buy a bikini.
I pictured dolls and tiny little Polly Pockets pieces strewn around the house (God help the person who buys her Polly Pockets).
I thought about how Kyle won't be the only one who can take the kids to the bathroom anymore.
I love this little girl so much already, but I do not feel prepared for her. I don't feel nearly as capable of parenting a girl as I do a boy. Lots of women I know would be relieved to find out that they're having a girl after two boys.
I know I'll adjust and I know I'll be fine. I'm probably being a little overdramatic, but I'm still a little bit in shock. Up until the first 30 seconds of our ultrasound, I was certain we were having a boy.
What doesn't help are the people who leave messages and comments about how much better it is that I'm having a girl than it would be if I was having a boy and list all of the reasons. Often, the reasons are ridiculous and don't apply to me at all.
I was never someone who REALLY wanted a girl. But I know that I do REALLY want this little girl. I've always said that I believe the world needs my boys, and I think the world needs this little girl, too. I'm honored already to be her mom.
I just need some time to get used to the idea. Maybe 20 weeks or so.