January 4, 2009

Shock and Awe

I woke up this morning thinking about taking a pregnancy test.

Let me back up.

My hormones have been messed up ever since I had Jackson, and they were screwed up even more after I stopped breastfeeding. Because of this, I've been relatively miserable and also I have symptoms that have constantly made me wonder if I'm pregnant. I know that I'm not, but I just always feel like I am.

So, the things I dealt with over the last two weeks weren't unusual. But there were two things that really made me wonder. Last week, I was so tired that I could barely keep my eyes open. "I haven't been this tired since I was pregnant with Jack," I said to Kyle. Also, I've had horrible heartburn . . . also something I hadn't experienced since I had Jack.

So, this morning, I woke up thinking about it, but by the time I got to the bathroom, I had already forgotten.

We went to church and out to eat with the Wilsons, Wattersons and Hammonds. On the way home I thought my bladder would explode. We brought Jack into the house and I will always have a vivid memory of trying to put him down for a nap and hold it at the same time. I didn't really think I was pregnant. I just needed to rule it out for my own peace of mind and I didn't want to have to wait until the next morning.

I took the test and left it on the counter. The second line appeared before I had finished washing my hands.

I called for Kyle and said, "Is that a second line?! Is that a second line?!" I just kept saying "unbelievable" over and over. The test was really old, so I drove all the way into town to buy another one. You know . . . the digital kind that says "pregnant" or "not pregnant."

I don't have regular cycles. So I have NO IDEA when I got pregnant or how far along I am. Or (gasp) if it might be a false positive. I was taking a medicine that was supposed to make me start my period and, well, I didn't. But I don't think this medicine could cause a false positive. Was I pregnant before I started taking it? Is that dangerous? I'm going to call the doctor tomorrow to see if I can get a little more information.

Holy cow.

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