May 6, 2009

Dear Jack, Month 23

Dear Jackson,

I had a letter all prepared for this month . . . it was about our world . . . our planet. It was about keeping it clean and the importance of taking care of what we've been given. I told you that it's important to minimize our waste and maximize our efforts to preserve the world of which we've been made stewards. I talked about being pro-life and how it's about saving and valuing the lives of unborn children . . . but it's also about valuing all life. It's about protecting life. And it's about preserving the life-sustaining environment in which we live.

I watched a talk show a few weeks ago about how the flow of trash throughout the Pacific Ocean leads to a pile of trash north of Hawaii which is estimated to 9 feet deep and about the size of the state of Texas! Seriously. Who knows how big it will be when you're old enough to read this letter?! Dad and I have never been real "earthy" people. Meaning, we recycle when it's convenient and haven't put much thought or effort into conservation. But watching this has really caused me to rethink things a little. Nothing drastic, but I definitely think twice about whether something is recyclable and what I can do to cut down on our waste. I have a feeling that through the years, your generation will have so much more to teach me about preserving our environment than I could ever teach you. This all goes hand in hand with what we always try to teach you . . . try to leave a place better when you leave than it was when you got there.

All of that stuff is important, but I feel like all I need to do this month is remind you that I love you. I know, I know . . . I tell you that every month. But I want you to know that I really, really mean it.

Last weekend, you told me that you don't like me. Your exact words were, "No like Jack's Mama!" You've never told me anything like that before and it crushed me. It broke my heart.

But as much as it hurt, it was ok with me. I can live with that. You won't like me all the time. And in this instance, you didn't like me because I was doing my job. I was parenting. I was doing what I needed to do to shape you into the kind of person that you should become.

I'm not really sure how to put this because I'm not sure there's ever a time that you'll read this and adequately understand what you mean to me. Maybe when you have children of your own, but even then . . . I think it's hard to understand 20+ years later that your parents really felt about you like you do about your children.

But even if you never understand how much your dad and I love you, it doesn't matter. It doesn't change the fact that we do love you. It doesn't change how much we love you. Nothing will ever change that.

I could write more about the challenges that began during the last two days of your 23rd month, but I've written about those elsewhere. All I want to tell you right now is that so many people love you, but none more than your Dad and I. No matter what.


1 comment:

Kristyw905 said...

Not possible!