Dear Ben, Month 4

Dear Ben,

You're a dream! I know that merely typing these words means you'll likely have 6 teeth pop out in the next two days, rendering you inconsolable, but it has to be shared. You are such a joy. Your squeals and babbles and giggles seem to have a calming effect on my anxiety that works better than any prescription medicine ever could.


You are 18 pounds, which makes you my small baby (though you are 1/2 inch longer than your brother was at this age)! You still fit in your carrier, which is thrilling to me. You roll yourself all over and when Jack's playing with you on the floor, you arch your back and try to lunge yourself after him when he moves. I think over the course of the next few months, he'll be the impetus for you to start crawling. You love to be on your belly and usually end up rolling to your belly to sleep. Your favorite position is sitting, though we have to stay close because you tip fairly easily.


This month, you have learned to L-O-V-E your big brother. Your face lights up when you first hear his voice in the morning and you're all smiles when he plays with you . . . but honestly, you're usually all smiles. When he's around though, there's a sparkle in your eye and you look excited to see what he'll do next. Jack sometimes yells and is a little more rough than he should be, but he's learning. The other day, I was telling Jack that when you're crying, he should try to comfort you. A little while later, I heard you fussing and Jack patted your head and said, "Comfort, Ben, comfort." He really does love you.



I pray almost daily that you two will be close. I hope that you will grow to love each other as brothers and as friends and that your relationship is one that you will both value deeply.



Over this last month, we celebrated the one year anniversary of when I found out I was pregnant with you. I went back and read all of the posts from a year ago . . . I remembered the feeling of excitement I had when I first saw two lines appear. When we found out we were pregnant with Jack we were ecstatic. But this was a different kind of excited. It was a combination of excitement and shock . . . it took our breath away.




I love you so much, Ben. I love it that you're such a happy baby, but even if tomorrow you wake up fussy and difficult, I'll love you just as much!

Mama