August 30, 2009

So long, friend

I feel like my heart is breaking a little. Today's the day that Murphy goes to live with her new family and I had NO IDEA how hard it would be to say goodbye. Kyle and I have both been choked up for the last 24 hours as we've been preparing for her departure. Packing up her stuff, clipping her nails, giving her a bath, snuggling with her on the couch. I knew that it would be sad, but I'm aching over this.

I know she's just a dog . . . and that's what I keep telling myself. And a month ago, had I read this on someone else's blog, I probably would have rolled my eyes. But facing her departure has helped me to realize that she's a part of our story. She and Kyle share a birthday and she just turned 4 last week. We've had her for almost 4 years. As much as we know that this is best for her and for us, we love her and it'll be hard to see her go.

I feel a little bit like a failure . . . like I'm giving up. Like if I'd just put more work into it, I can keep her happy and us happy. But again, I know that she needs more attention and love than what we're giving her right now.

When I told Jack this morning, he looked bewildered. He kept saying, "But she not want to live with other family. She want to live here!" and "Where my dog going, Mama?"

I remember our first year with her and how much fun it was. She was the best dog ever. She still is. She's fun and smart and energetic and we've been so lucky to have her. We're just not very good dog owners right now. Kyle pointed out that it's probably harder now than it would have been in July, because we're home more now and she's always easier to handle when we're home in the evenings.

So, I have to take senior pictures this afternoon but I'm sure my mind will be elsewhere. And at 3, we meet the family who's taking her. And then I'll probably spend the rest of the night mourning . . . I'm hoping the family will be ok with me e-mailing to see how she's doing.

And, I know that a week from now, I'll probably look back and roll my eyes at how overdramatic I'm being. And a few months from now, Murphy probably won't even remember who we are. But I want to remember how hard and painful it was to give her up. And I want Jack to know how hard it was for us to make this decision. She IS a part of our family, and this is what's best for EVERYONE in our family.

We love you, Murphy.


Erin K. said...

:( It probably doesn't help that you have pregnancy hormones galore right now. I hope everything goes well today.

The Schachts said...

I certainly don't think you're being overdramatic. Millie (and the cats) are our first babies. I can't imagine how hard that decision was. Good luck today!

Jeanette said...

Okay, this made me tear up. Murphy is a member of your family, and you're more than justified feeling the way you do (pregnancy hormones or not). I'll be thinking of you.

The ALF family said...

You've been a good family for Murphy. She will surely make a new family love her too. I can't imagine how hard. Don't feel silly for missing her. She is a part of your journey. Just because she lives with someone else now, doesn't mean that she isn't a part of that journey anymore. You have great memories with her. Treasure that! Love you guys.