November 24, 2007

Not ready for tortilla chips

Lately, I've been trying to convince God of things. In some cases, pleading with him. Trying to convince God that he needs to do or not do certain things for me and how great it would be if he'd help me out of difficult places (most of which concern financial issues). I was trying to tell the one from whom no secrets are hidden and to whom all desires are known what I knew that I needed. How ridiculous does that sound? About as ridiculous as a 5-month-old eating a tortilla chip?

We went to Moe's for lunch yesterday. Jack got restless in the high chair, so I put him on my lap while Kyle was finishing his food. I was munching on tortilla chips and Jack kept trying to grab one and put it in his mouth. When I would take it away, he'd whine (something new he does when he doesn't get his way) and lunge forward to try and take it back.

I kind of wonder if this is what has been going on between God and I over the last few weeks. I'm trying to convince my heavenly Father, the one who created me and knows what I need better than I do, that I know best and he needs to listen to me and do as I say. There are a couple of instances in the Bible when people beg God to let things happen and he says no repeatedly. Eventually, they got their way and ended up in ruins. I don't want to end up in ruins . . . well, any more than I already have.

I know that Jack isn't ready for tortilla chips. It would be ridiculous for me to give him everything that he lunges for or whines about when I love him and know what he is and isn't ready for. I know it's not the perfect illustration, but it helped me to remember that God loves me and won't withhold good things from me. He knows what is best and I will trust him to provide.

I'm going to continue asking God for things . . . but I know it needs to be a little different. I want him to continue revealing more of his character to me. I want him to help me out of my hard places in ways that honor him and mold me into more of who he wants me to be . . . and most importantly, in his timing. I want him to clean my heart of the sinful desires that keep me from reaching my full potential.

I love Jack and I want good things for him (no matter what he could ever say or do) . I'm trying to take captive the lies that I too often believe and remember that God feels more strongly about me than I do about Jack. This love he has for me, combined with the fact that he's almighty, is what I will cling to daily.

1 comment:

KTP said...

Hi,
I found your blog because we're in the same Blogher Ads group. Beautiful design and I completely identify with your parenting worries. Me, too! Look forward to reading more.