Ultra-anxiety

Tomorrow's our fetal survey ultrasound. The big one. I'm so nervous. At dinner, I almost made myself sick thinking about it. Don't get me wrong . . . I'm excited to see pictures of this little one. I just feel so aware of all of the things that could be wrong and I can't seem to push them out of my mind.

Of course, to everyone else, tomorrow is "the day you find out what you're having." I'm excited and nervous about that too. Jack so badly wants a sister. Kyle and I want another boy (but of course, won't be disappointed if it's a girl). Ben just rubs my belly, kisses it and asks, "Baby? Baby?" Which is good, because up until a few days ago, he thought the baby was further north of my belly and couldn't be convinced otherwise. This made for some awkward moments in public.

I've been feeling movements for several weeks now, but nothing really strong. The movement is way different than it was with the boys. Which, of course, makes me worried that there's something wrong. I know that he could just be positioned differently than they were, but my mind won't let me rationalize right now.