May 26, 2010

Doppelgangers

The last time temperatures were this high during May was three years ago.

2007.

I remember May of 2007 quite vividly. Three years ago today was my due date. I was sitting and waiting to feel twinges that would signal that "it was time." I had no idea what I was in for.

Much of this week's HIMYM episode (have I mentioned lately how in love I am with that show?), centered around doppelgangers. Toward the end of the show, Ted says, "We've all been searching for the five doppelgangers, right? Well eventually, over time, we all become our own doppelgangers. These completely different people who just happen to look like us. Five years ago? That girl was pretty great. But doppelganger Robin? She's amazing."

That really resonated with me (as deeply as a quote from a sitcom can, I suppose). I feel like I'm a completely different person than I was three years ago. Being a mother has changed me for the better and I've discovered this whole new "self" that I never even knew existed before June 2, 2007.

I've heard moms say that they felt like they were missing something before they had their children . . . but I never really felt that way. I felt complete . . . whole . . . even before I was married and had kids. If you're getting married or having kids to fill some sort of void . . . well, good luck with that.

But I will say that being a mom (and a wife) revealed things about me that were already a part of me, without me even knowing it. Both good and bad.

Marriage and children revealed a selfishness in me that I never realized was there and started me on an often painful process of weeding it out . . . one that continues to this day.

They also revealed a capacity to love that was far greater than I realized.

Motherhood helped me rediscover the Gospel and the process of discipleship in a way that is applicable to even the smallest of humans.

During my time as a mom, I discovered a whole new level of creativity through graphic design and photography that had not yet been realized. I often wish that I had realized this potential more before my children were born so that I could have had more time to spend on it . . . but I truly believe that in my case, God has used the inspiration of my children to develop these gifts.

So, I agree with Ted. I'm my own doppelganger. I'm a better version of who I was three years ago. For me, it was through my husband and children, but even if you're not married or don't have kids, there are things in your life that regularly challenge you to change . . . to become more of who God intends for you to be.

As I think about where I was three years ago (completely unaware that I still had a week before my sweet boy would enter the world), I can't help but pray that three years from now, I'll be a renewed version of who I am now.

5 comments:

melanie:::adorkable said...

This is a great post, Sara! We LOVE HIMYM too! :D And I look forward to getting to know the "new you" in person--seeing as how I haven't really talked with you since 2007 or really 2005 I guess. :)

Sarah said...

If this were on facebook, I'd click "Like" :)

Jeanette said...

This is crazy. Just last night I was writing a post in my head about things I've learned about myself since becoming a mother and wife: how I have found the good and the bad. Great post--you put into words what I've been thinking. :)

Bethany Hammar said...

Wonderful post and great thoughts.
I often feel like my life won't truely start until I am married and have a family. But your post reminded me that having a family isn't where true happiness or fullfillment comes from.
Thanks for your words!

Melissa Hoffman said...

love this post and not surprising that we LOVE the same shows :)