September 30, 2007

I'm in a funk.

I work full-time and I'm a stay at home mom. Or maybe I should say I'm a "bring my kid to work with me" mom. The details of this arrangement are much too difficult to explain without using diagrams and flow charts. I'm trying to finish my master's thesis, which I feel completely incapable of doing. I have a cloud of financial stress constantly hanging over my head. My house is a mess. I need something to wear to a wedding this weekend and have nothing in my closet that fits and have no money to buy anything new. I have projects at work piling up on my desk. Our insurance is inadequate and I really need to see a dentist.

I'm not complaining. I'm just really, really tired. I'm in what I like to call a funk.

Jack hasn't been sleeping well lately. He woke up FIVE TIMES on Saturday night. Actually, he probably woke up 8 or 9 times, but there were only 5 times in which we had to get out of bed and help him fall back asleep. He wasn't upset or anything . . . just awake. The hard part is that he was AWAKE almost all day Sunday too. The kid wouldn't nap for anything. Kyle and I were EXHAUSTED.

On the bright side, he took a 3 1/2 hour nap this afternoon. Most days, the total of his naps don't even add up to 3 hours. He woke up a couple of times but went right back to sleep again. It was nice to have a long stretch of time to get things done around here. And, I'm hoping because he slept well this afternoon, he'll sleep well tonight. Fingers crossed. His mood has been remarkably pleasant today.

I think I'm usually in a funk every year around this time. It's probably the change in the weather, or the lack of interaction with people outside of camp. Maybe it's just my down time of year. . . who knows.

Last year was the exception to this, I suppose. Last year I was thrilled because I was finally pregnant! October 9 was the first time we heard his heart beat and I've never been so relieved in my life. Actually, Jack's laying on my lap sleeping right now and I can feel his hearbeat against the arm I'm not typing with. It's amazing that it's the same heart that we heard for the first time a year ago when he was the size of a grain of rice.

I just realized that it's hard to stay in a funk when I think about these things.

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