More of this . . .

Technically speaking, this picture isn't all that remarkable.

Emotionally speaking, it's the best picture I've taken all month.

We've been seeing a lot more of this at our house. Laughing together. Playing together. Brotherly love. Granted, with it comes more fighting, hitting and shoving, but we're working through it.

I'm certain this brotherly love will also lead to more mischief and scheming. Earlier this week, I found the two of them at the top of the basement stairs with a couch cushion perched precariously at the top. When I asked what they were doing, Jack replied, "Sledding."

Oh, sure . . . sledding down the stairs on a couch cushion? No problem. Later I'll give you a pair of scissors to run with and a book of matches to play with.

They play games that I don't understand. They laugh at jokes that I don't get. They race in circles around the house and Bennett doesn't care yet that Jack is always the winner. They're bonding, and that makes me happy.

Jack's imagination, much like any three-year old's imagination, is CRAZY right now. He makes up these scenarios and stories and acts them out. He regularly asks if I can come watch the football or baseball games he's playing with all of his friends in the living room.

He's also become quite the negotiator. I know that whenever he says, "Mom, I really like your hair today" or "That's a great shirt" or "I love you so much, Mom" that he's getting ready to ask for something . . . usually to watch a show.

Bennett tries to repeat everything that we say, sometimes successfully. I heard him use his first two-word phrase this wee:"ree book?" In case you don't speak baby, the translation is: "Read a book?"

Ben's also trying to take the stairs like a big boy, which scares me. He's so much faster and it's so much safer when he crawls down, but I don't want to prevent him from trying something that he's ready to do. So every trip up and down stairs is a little bit longer.

It's trite, but true . . . they're growing up so fast.

The big 1-0-0-0

It's only 47 degrees outside, but it feels like 75 degrees to my soul.

This week of warmer weather was exactly what I needed. I realize that snow is predicted for next week and the high a week from today will only be 24, but that's okay because tomorrow we're going to make dinner on the grill. I feel like after this week, I can make it to spring.

Yesterday I realized that I missed acknowledging my 1000th blog post a few weeks ago. So . . . I guess that's what I'm doing now. I've posted more than 1000 times in my 4 years of blogging. You're welcome.

I also just noticed that I never posted a fourth annual "best of" like I normally do during the first week of January. So, here you go . . . the best of 2010:

January

February

March

April

May

June

July

August

September

October

November

December


If you're looking for more reading material, you could check out the best of 2007, the best of 2008 and the best of 2009. You can thank me later.

Sledding

A few more sledding pictures from the first week of January . . .

Dear Jack, Months 43 & 44

Dear Jack,

This letter is late, so I'm combining January and February into one. It's not that I haven't had anything to write. This has weighed so heavy on my heart that it's just now that I'm able to find the words.

Let me back up and tell you about your obsession with strangers. About a year ago, you started to become fascinated with people you don't know. Not really with the actual people as much as the fact that there are millions of individuals that don't know you, have no relationship with you and live their own lives completely separate from you. The first time we told you that you weren't supposed to talk to strangers or follow a stranger, unless you were with someone you knew, it opened up a whole new world of questions.

"Are they strangers?"

"What do strangers do?"

"Do strangers like onions?"

"Do strangers have moms and dads?"

You haven't asked much about strangers in the last few months, but every so often you'll ask someone in the check-out line or you'll stick your head under the bathroom stall partition while I'm changing your brother's diaper to ask if they're a stranger or not (so not kidding about this one . . . that lady is now much less of a stranger than she wants to be).

We've done a great job in teaching you that unless you're with an adult that you know, you aren't to speak to people you don't know. If there were a handbook for parenting, surely that would be on the "List of Important Things to Teach Your Children." Well, that and teaching your child not to poke his head under bathroom stall partitions.

Recently, I've felt the need to amend that rule. A few weeks ago, an acquaintance of ours died in a household accident. I won't go into details, but it was sudden, and the details surrounding the accident and his life made it even more heartbreaking.

To say were were "acquaintances" is probably generous. Your dad had spoken to him several times while doing yard work. After one of the first few times dad had contact with him, I felt convicted about getting to know him better. He told dad about some of the things his family had been through, and I was shocked that we had lived near him or six years and knew none of it.

We felt God compelling us to get to know him better. But we had lots of excuses. "It'll be easier in the spring . . . we're too busy in the summer . . . he probably doesn't have any interest in knowing us, anyway."

And then one morning, he was gone.

I don't know if we would have made any difference in his life, or if he would have even accepted a chance to know us better. I don't know if we would have had the opportunity to show him how much we need Jesus, or if we would have even been able to just share a meal with him. What I do know is that God spoke, and we ignored it. We were disobedient.

It's uncomfortable to share this with you, but I have to. I've spent time teaching you not to talk to strangers, but I also want to teach you to TALK TO STRANGERS. People don't learn to know and love Jesus by us just telling them. They learn by watching us know him and love him. They don't need us to talk to them about how much Jesus will change their lives. They need to see how much He's changed ours. We can quote scripture and hand out pamphlets and pray for people all we want, but God uses our relationships with others most powerfully in drawing people to Him. And when we ignore him . . . when we're disobedient . . . it's sin. Plain and simple.

Too few Christians know how to have a non-awkward conversation about Jesus' work in their lives. One of my parenting goals is for you and Bennett to know how to share what Jesus has done for you in a natural way. Your preschool teacher told me that you were sharing about what you had learned in Sunday School with your class one day, and it made me feel like we're heading in the right direction.

And honestly, this is about more than just evangelism. It's about obedience to God. It's about feeling his nudge and following through, rather than making excuses.

So should you or shouldn't you talk to strangers? Until you're old enough, you'll just have to ask me first.

But always, always wait until after they're out of the bathroom stall.

Love,
Mom

Avoiding the "Tilt & Nod"

I just spent 30 minutes composing a post about how I've been feeling the last two weeks, but deleted it. I just can't find the right words, and it would have depressed anyone who read it. And, I definitely would have gotten the "sympathetic head tilt and nod" the next I saw you. I hate the tilt and nod.

In short, I feel like winter is sitting on my chest and bouncing up and down in an effort to knock the wind out of me. Spring cannot come too quickly.

Instead of depressing you further, I'll share this little gem from after we took Jack sledding shortly after Christmas. It's the ultimate in hat hair.

Blah

I came across these pictures this week and it made me so anxious for the spring. I can't wait for warmer weather and sunshine. I'm ready to have the windows open and to take afternoon walks with the boys.

I'm in a little bit of a funk but I think it has mostly to do with the weather. I have to keep reminding myself that it won't stay winter forever and surely my spirits will lift with increased sunshine. Spring has come eventually every year and I have no reason to believe that this year will be any different!

Just a bite . . .

There are a few snacks I've been obsessed with over the last month or so.

EDITED TO ADD: A new #5 at the bottom!

1. Pretzel bites. Debbie made these on New Year's Eve and I'm not exaggerating when I say that I probably ate half of the amount that she brought to our house. After dreaming about them for weeks, I made them again last night. They weren't as pretty as hers were, but they were just as delicious.

One important note: Don't add ALL of the baking soda to the boiling water at once unless you really like cleaning your stove top. As I was dumping it in, I thought, "I wonder if this is a bad idea." It was, in fact, a bad idea.

Also, Debbie made the cheese sauce listed with this recipe and it was really good, but it started to get thick pretty quickly (which, of course, still didn't keep me from continuing to eat it). Last night, we just warmed a jar of cheese sauce and it was great.

One more thing . . . this recipe makes A LOT of pretzel bites. If you don't have friends to share them with, you might end up making yourself sick because you just can't stop eating them!

2. Melissa's CPK Guacamole. I made this right after she posted it in late October, and I cannot even count the number of times I've made it since them. We refer to it as "holy guacamole" because of how good it is.

The only thing we do differently is reduce the garlic powder and use a little garlic salt and I also add some chopped onion. Every time we make this, we start out thinking, "It's such a bummer that guacamole goes bad so quickly because we hate wasting what's left." That's never been a problem. For better or worse, the bowl is always clean.

3. Fire and Ice Pickles. To be fair, you don't actually "make" pickles with this recipe. You just take a jar of pickles and make it even better. Kyle's grandma makes these and I don't think I'll ever taste them and not think of her. They're so good. I already love pickles, but this just takes their goodness up a notch.

The only down side is that they're supposed to chill in your refrigerator for a week before you eat them. I have three jars in my refrigerator and I cannot wait to snack on them!

4. Spicy Holiday Anytime Nuts. I make these every Christmas and am still in the process of perfecting them. I started with a recipe I found online years ago and have never been able to find that same recipe. Truth be told, I don't think they've ever been as good as they were that first year when I had an actual recipe, but my version isn't bad.

Because I try to recreate them every year, they never really stays the same and I rarely measure everything out. Here's a general idea of what I do.

Ingredients:
3 - 4 TB butter or margerine
1 large can of mixed nuts (6ish cups) . . . I buy the big can from Sam's Club
2 TB Worcestershire sauce
2 tsp garlic salt
2 tsp chili powder
1 tsp cayenne pepper
1 - 2 sm jars of sesame seeds, depending on how many you want in there.

Preheat the oven to 300. While the oven is preheating, divide the butter between to cookie sheets with lips. Put the pans in the oven until the butter melts.

When the butter is completely melted, remove the pans from the oven and add half of the nuts to each. Divide the Worcestershire sauce between the two pans and drizzle it over all of the nuts. Toss with the butter to coat. I love Worcestershire sauce, so my guess is that I use more than a TB per pan. Put them back in the oven for 20 - 30 minutes.

Something I learned: if you're doing anything else in the kitchen with vanilla while you're making these, be careful. Our sugar cookie frosting almost ended up with a beefy flavor because I wasn't paying close enough attention. The two bottles are very similar.

While the nuts are toasting, empty the sesame seeds into a dry frying pan and toast them over medium heat. Stir them frequently. This step isn't necessary, but I did it last year and thought it made a big difference. I love the crunch of a toasted sesame seed and I think it makes a difference in the finished product. The sesame seeds will just change color slightly.

When the nuts are done toasting, dump them all in a bowl and add the spices. Stir thoroughly until all of the spices are evenly dispersed. While the nuts are still hot, add the sesame seeds and toss thoroughly.

These are a great snack and perfectly for parties. Because this recipe make so many, it might also make a nice treat to put in a tin and give to friends.


EDITED TO ADD:

5. Queso Blanco Dip. Debbie made this at our house tonight. A. Mazing. Make it now. You'll thank me later.

Bread

There's something good about baking bread.

Isn't it amazing that different proportions and quantities of the same few ingredients can give you so many different things? Flour + water + yeast + salt = many, many different types of bread. Incredible.

Bread makes you wait. It encourages delayed gratification. It's a science and an art all at the same time. It's delicious and wholesome. And there's something satisfying about mastering kneading, folding and shaping techniques.

My love for bread making began on a trip to Chicago when Kyle and I had been married for less than a year. I was stuck in traffic and the radio was on an AM talk station. Normally I would have changed it, but I just wasn't paying attention.

The interview was with a woman named Rose Levy Beranbaum, author of The Bread Bible. I shifted into park on I-90, waiting for traffic to start moving again and listened to her talk about baking bread as if it were a type of therapy. Kyle bought me The Bread Bible for Christmas and he still says it was one of the best investments he's ever made.

I made bread way more before we had kids than I do now, for all of the obvious reasons. I made two loaves of cinnamon swirl bread two weeks ago, and my love for it came rushing back. Now, however, I have to barricade the work area of my kitchen so that I don't have any little people reaching for things on the counter or touching hot pans.

Several people have asked me for the recipe, but it's 7 pages long. I found a condensed version of the recipe on this post (scroll a little bit down the page).

School pictures

I'm not into school pictures. Jack's smile in these, however, cracked me up. I had to buy a couple just to remember it.

For a while he had been telling us, "This is my picture smile." It most certainly was.

You know you're getting old when . . .

In November, we put a screen door on our house and a shed in our back yard. I was so excited about these two additions that I took pictures of them.

I never thought I'd see the day when a screen door and a shed would make me so happy that I'd pull out my camera and take a picture, but I did. I have more natural light in our entry way and more room in the garage. What's not to love?

To be completely honest, I love them as much today as I did three months ago. And I don't even care who knows.

I'm going to ask you to ignore the ugly bronze light fixtures. They've been on the "to replace" list since we bought our house 6 years ago. Our landscaping leaves much to be desired.

Feel sorry for me

Ok, don't really feel sorry for me. I realize that this last week is really NOTHING compared to what some people go through and I'm actually pretty fortunate to have kids as healthy as mine are. I might even read this and laugh someday. Maybe? Or maybe not.

While there was nothing "fun" about this last week, I did like that I was forced to slow down, put everything else aside and just focus on my boys. For that, I am thankful.

TUESDAY
Jack gets a fever and develops a pretty bad cough.

WEDNESDAY
Our car is pronounced dead.

Jack's very sick and very cranky.

THURSDAY
Kyle leaves for the weekend to attend his first grad school classes. Jack's fever starts to dwindle and coughing seems lessened. We had originally planned to go with him and head farther south for a short vacation this week, but with the upcoming tuition payments and our dead car, we decided it wasn't wise. At this point, I was really thinking that the boys and I might have a really great weekend.

FRIDAY
Bennett woke up at 2:30 AM (and hour and a half after I made it to bed) and decided it was morning. He refused to go back to sleep. By 4:30, his temperature was 102. Fantastic.

Jack woke up at 6:00 and I spent the next three hours failing as a parent every time I was tested, due to lack of sleep and two sick, cranky kids. At 9, Brian came to watch them so that I could run some errands. Without that two hour break, I don't think I would have made it through the rest of the day.

Jack and Ben both napped a little and I was able to get some work done. I spent most of the afternoon holding Ben. His temperature was over 103. I talked to the doctor and felt comfortable just letting it run its course, with the aid of some motrin.

That night, Brian and Debbie came to take Jack to dinner. Within minutes of putting Ben to bed, I heard the sound of rushing water. Awesome. It turns out there was a waterfall in the basement. Why? Because of all of the standing water on the floor of the master bathroom. Double awesome.

Brian and Debbie helped me clean up and Brian fixed the toilet problem. I went to check on Ben and he was breathing super fast and it was very labored. His temp was 103.6 again.

So, at 8:30, my mother-in-law and I took Ben to the Emergency Room. That trip deserves it's own post. Let's just say that involved a nurse telling me multiple times that medicine is really "all about science." Oh really, Hippocrates? I had no idea. I am NOT a fan of that hospital and wish I would have listened when my instincts were telling me to drive the extra 30 minutes.

While at the E.R. I realized I hadn't eaten anything since breakfast. No wonder I was so cranky.

Diagnosis: Double ear infection and bronchitis.

SATURDAY
4 hours of sleep. Jack and Ben were both up periodically throughout the night. I felt like I had a newborn again. Overnight, Jack developed a new, worse cough than before. And? You guessed it - another fever. Thanks to my in-laws, I was able to go into town to get Ben's prescription filled and they brought lunch.

Neither of the boys napped well and I spent the rest of Saturday holding them, wiping noses and coming up with creative ways to keep Ben from spitting his medicine back at me.

By Saturday, my arms were feeling like I worked out all weekend because of lugging that 27 lb. child around.

SUNDAY
2 hours of sleep. They both took turns waking up and needing to be soothed back to sleep. I spent the rest of Sunday doing the same thing I did Saturday, though I have little memory of it. I can't remember every being so glad to see Kyle walk through the door than I was that night.

TODAY
Jack was up for 3 hours overnight, but Kyle let me sleep in! It was glorious. Ben still has a fever, but his wheezing and coughing are really sounding so much better. This afternoon, Jack felt warm again, and sure enough . . . another fever. We took them both to our doctor and Jack has his first ear infection and some bronchitis.

It's NOT like riding a bike.

You know how there are some things that you can do as well as you ever could, no matter how long it's been since you last did it? The classic example of riding a bike, for instance?

For me, photography is not one of those things. I'm out of practice. Over the last month and a half, I've set aside my camera for the computer and I can certainly tell. Frigid temperatures don't help. I feel like I've hit a little bit of a rut because photographically, my ideas have run dry and I'm not progressing or getting better. I'm not pushing myself to improve.

So, I'm going to work to practice more. But until I do . . . here are a few pictures from the summer.

Brian and Debbie taught Jack to fish back in June. I thought the pictures had been lost because sometime in August I realized I hadn't ever processed them. When Kyle was cleaning out the Explorer after it died in August, he found a memory card that had gone rogue. Lo and behold . . . there were the missing photos.

Just soak these pictures in and pretend that everyone outside is wearing shorts and basking in the sunshine while you're seeking respite in the air conditioning.

Oh, Christmas.

I have never been ready for the holiday season to be over as much as I was this year. I realize that might make me the Scroogiest of them all.

On the Wednesday before Christmas, about a minute after the babysitter walked out the door, I heard Ben in his room coughing. I went in to find him covered from head to toe in vomit. Sick. Kyle and I spent the rest of that afternoon and evening taking turns rocking him and holding him while he threw up every half hour. It wasn't fun. And I knew that the rest of us would get it.

Things were looking up, though, because he stopped throwing up on Wednesday night and resumed eating regularly on Thursday morning. He seemed to be okay, was playing well, eating well . . . so that night we decided to go to Toledo Zoo for the Lights Before Christmas. It was nice, but cold, so we only stayed for an hour or so. Just long enough for the boys to get their picture taken with Santa.

Side note: Jack was so funny about Santa this year. He went to Fantasyland (he kept calling it "Wonderceyland") with my parents earlier in December when he was staying with them.

I asked him, "Did you see Santa Claus there?"

"No, just a guy in a Santa suit."

"How do you know he wasn't the real Santa?"

"I could just tell."

Anyway, on Christmas Eve Kyle wasn't feeling well and by Christmas morning he was throwing up and Ben started all over again. The next day, Jack joined in. I've never done more laundry over the holidays than I did this year.

I don't have any photos from Christmas morning. I bought them super cute coordinating (NOT matching) snowboarding pajamas and they were both stripped down to a diaper before we even opened gifts.

We bought the boys a wooden toy kitchen and "Santa" left a trail of fake fruits and vegetables down to the basement where it was and they were pretty excited to see it.

In the days following Christmas, we had some family gatherings and Ben had a well visit with his doctor. In three months he had grown three inches! He went from the 89th percentile to the 65th percentile in weight and from the 85th percentile to the 98th percentile for height. I think his drop in weight was due to the stomach bug he had been dealing with up to that point. For the last week or so he's been eating us out of house and home, so I can't help but wonder what his weight is now.

On new year's eve, Brian and Debbie came over and we played The Settlers of Catan until well after midnight. It was the first time I had seen midnight on new year's eve since 2005.

It wasn't a horrible Christmas . . . just not one I'd want to do again.

Jack's bedtime prayer . . .

Dear Jes . . . uh . . . heavenly Father, thank you for today.

Help Ben's boo boo to get better.

Help me go poopy.

Alright, let's go to sleep . . . we've got a big day tomorrow.

Amen.

Dear Bennett, Month 15

Dear Ben,

I sang "Jesus Loves Me" to you before bedtime a couple of weeks ago, and every time I sang "Jesus" you popped your head up and said, "baby?"

At first I thought you were saying "bye bye" and I dismissed it as you just practicing your words. Soon I realized you were saying "baby" and I confirmed what you were hoping was true . . . the Jesus in the song is the same baby Jesus that we talked about so often when playing with your nativity set. This Christmas was far from the first time that we'd talked about Jesus, but I think it was the first time you recognized his name.

You've been slightly more aware of the holiday season this year than you were last year. You liked the Christmas music we listened to in the car. You yanked ornaments off the tree any chance you got and landed in a time out each and every time I saw you do it.

For your birthday, you got a Little People nativity set and as I mentioned, it's contributed to your understanding of Christmas. You know that the angel goes on the top and that when you press it into it's proper spot, it plays "Away In A Manger." And you dance to it as if it's some sort of club re-mix. At some point this month, we lost Joseph. Our best guess is that he ended up in the trash. You like to put all kinds of things in the trash.

Every now and then as we played with your nativity set we talked about "Emmanuel." We told you how God, the creator of the Universe, came as a little baby. I told you that we celebrate because we're not alone anymore. God's with us. Your response was usually to throw the donkey across the room, or tried to shove one of the shepherds completely into your mouth.

But when you said, "baby" when you heard the name of Jesus, it reminded me that these conversations, no matter how over your head they are, are important. Crucial, really. Right now, you understand that Jesus is that little plastic baby we play with under the Christmas tree. But as you grow, your understanding of who he is will grow, too. You might not fully understand the things we teach you know, but my hope is that they'll get lodged in your brain so that when you are old enough to "get it" what you need to know will already be there.

I'll remember many of your milestones, but that moment right before bedtime will probably be one of the highlights in my mind. I don't know how to put into words how much I desire for you to love and serve Jesus and to pursue a relationship with him. At that moment, seeing you recognize his name was just the first step to what I hope will be a lifelong journey for you.

Merry (belated) Christmas!

Love,
Mama