January 10, 2015

Dear Hattie, 4 months

Dear Hattie,

It was a year ago today that we laid eyes on you for the first time. You were just a little blob with a tiny heartbeat. It was the most beautiful sight for your mom and dad who had spent the previous 2 weeks thinking you were gone.

We moved 17 days before you were born.  This is not something that I would recommend to anyone.  We decided to move in May . . . thinking that we'd actually do the moving when you were a few months old.  But sometimes things just don't go as planned.  I was so worried that you'd be born before we were into our new house.  Thanks for holding out.

I spent a lot of time this summer feeling sorry for myself.  And for you.  I wanted to be putting together a nursery for you, like I did for your siblings.  Instead, I was packing our house up and putting everything in storage.  I wanted to be shopping for you, but instead we were shopping for a new house. I wanted to be sitting with my feet up and my hands on my belly, just feeling you kick and enjoying my last weeks of carrying a child.  Instead, I was living in a small trailer with three children who don't like to relax as much as I do, and then painting and arranging furniture.  I wanted to be all ready for you so that when you arrived, you'd come into a peaceful, put together home.  Instead, we were shopping for furniture when you were 4 days old.

Do you know what?  You don't seem to care one bit.  You don't care that you're living out of your mom and dad's room because your room wasn't ready.  In fact, I think you kind of like it.  And I kind of do, too.  Your siblings all started out in their rooms from the beginning, so you have the privilege of being the only one to shack up with mom and dad for the first few months.

You're such a smiley baby.  The corners of your mouth start to turn up a split second before you actually smile and I think that's my favorite part of playing with you. I can see it coming and have that moment of anticipation before seeing your pretty smile.

You're the fourth child, so there will naturally be less of a lot of things.  I have less time.  I have less energy.  Your baths will be less frequent. I'll remember your tummy time less often. Your letters will probably be shorter and fewer than those of your siblings.

But there will be more of things, too.  You have more family to love you than your siblings did.  You have more chances to see how they do things and learn from their accomplishments and mistakes.  You have more protectors and advocates.  You have more people trying to make you smile and comforting you when you cry.  You have two parents who know WAY more about what they're doing than they did with your brothers.  I really do think the "more" can make up for the "less."

One thing I want to make sure that you know is that you are not any less loved because you're the fourth.  You, my sweet Hattie, are exceptional. We take such delight in you.  We couldn't love you more than we do!

We will never be able to express our love for you perfectly, but we will spend our lives trying to point you to the One who does.  You were so meant to be.



Sarah said...

Kenan has this 4mo outfit too! Cute! :)

JoAnn Amicangelo said...

Hattie is adorable and your words to her are precious. I love your work - through the lens of your camera and the honest and always funny comments you share about your everyday life.