It fits

I've never wished for more hours in the day as I have over the last few weeks. Between our jobs, my business, Kyle's school work (as of tomorrow, he'll be a little more than half way done with his master's degree . . . yay!) and three kids, I'm coming up short on sleep. Claire slept from 11 last night to 4:45 this morning, which was a nice surprise, but she has these fussy times every evening starting at 7:30 and lasting until 10 or so. If I keep her in the sling, she'll sleep right through it, so I've been working in the evenings with her around my neck . . . which has done only bad things for my chronic shoulder pain.

Even so, I really like having three kids. It just feels right. Our family felt "whole" before, but now I can't believe we ever felt complete without her. I remember going through all of this after Ben was born, too. She just fits. The other day, I mentioned to Kyle that I really like having three kids.

He went pale and said, "Uh, I'm not sure I'm ready for a fourth."

Whoa. Simmer down. She's 7 weeks old and I'm saying that I'm content with things as they are . . . not that I want to do this all again.

I went for my 6-week post partum check-up, and found myself in tears leaving. The check-out receptionist said, "Well, you're all set! You're done with us for a while!" It hit me like a ton of bricks. The childbearing part of my life is over. That chapter has closed. I'm happy, but at the same time, it brings out my sentimental side. It was like high school graduation . . . really excited to get to this point, but sad that I'll never be there again. Bittersweet. But mostly sweet.

We took all three of them to the hospital yesterday when we took Claire for a routine ultrasound. We ran through a drive thru for lunch and I distributed the food as Kyle drove. We got there and unloaded the stroller, gathered necessary toys, bags, etc and held the boys' hands through the parking garage. We waited and went in for her tests and then left and went to get the boys' hair cut. I nursed Claire while they were in the salon and then we all headed home (but not before stopping for gas and a necessary shamrock shake). On the way home, I realized how tired I was and it hit me . . . we managed to all leave the house for the day together without becoming super stressed or losing it. Were there stressful moments? Oh, yes. But I feel like we're getting the hang of it.

We don't have it all together. My house is a mess. I will always be worried about something having to do with each of my kids' development. There are temper tantrums and there is fussiness. I just keep thinking, "There will be a day when all of this will be over."

At some times I think it with tears in my eyes. And at other times, I think it with a smile on my face.