The last two weeks have been my worst weeks. I've been trying to think objectively about whether they've been mostly the result of circumstances, pregnancy hormones, the crazy time of year or fatigue. I'm sure it's the combination of all four. In any case, they've been really bad.
We started getting our house ready to sell (which is all-consuming), only to find out that the amount of money we'd have to PAY to SELL our house is a lot more than we had anticipated. So, by the time we pay to get out of our house, there won't be much left to put toward our new house. And a new house? We've found one that we really like, and we've heard there's lots of interest from other buyers. It's not on the market yet, but when it is, I doubt we'll get it.
I feel so defeated. I wish I could go back to 2005 Kyle and Sara and say, "They're lying to you. Real estate IS NOT a good investment right now. Just wait a few years." And then yesterday afternoon, our neighbors began constructing a HUGE kennel in their back yard, right outside of our dining room windows. To say that it sent me into a panic would be an understatement. Maybe prospective buyers will really like dog-watching? Last night, Kyle got up to get some water and when he tried to swivel the faucet on the kitchen sink, it just broke right off. Right off in his hand. So he spent the day replacing that. If we DO sell our house, the new owners will have a nice, new faucet on the kitchen sink, so that's nice for them.
I have been at my parenting worst this week. This is NOT an exaggeration. I've yelled at my kids and made so many threats that I knew I wouldn't follow through on. Did I mention that I've yelled a lot? Screamed, really? I can't take full credit for this, because they've been awful, but I'm not sure which came first . . . my issues or theirs. I feel horrible. I feel like when they think back to their childhood, the last two weeks are all they will remember.
May is always the most stressful month. Once camps begin, the momentum just kind of carries us. But getting ready for the summer is really hard.
On top of everything, when we signed Ben and Jack up for soccer in the fall, we didn't consider how their spring practices and games would affect baseball. Fortunately (unfortunately?) they don't conflict. But that means we have Soccer on Mondays and Saturdays and baseball on Wednesdays and Fridays.
Have I mentioned that Brian and Debbie moved away at the end of April? While I'm genuinely excited for them, it did kind of feel like I lost my only friend.
I have NOT been eating well and I'm positive that's contributed to my gloominess. I've consumed too much junk, because it's what's easy during this time of year. I need to do better about meal planning, but we do have a lot of meals at camp, so when I think about grocery shopping for just one or two dinners, I figure it's easier to eat out. I need to stop that. And I really should always carry healthy snacks so that I have no excuse for fast food.
Starbucks got my drink wrong 3 times this week. They've never once messed up my drink, but THREE TIMES IN ONE WEEK. I know, I know . . . first world problems. But when you're paying first world prices for coffee? You expect better.
The cashier at Meijer pointed at my belly and asked if this was my third child (Jack wasn't with us) and I said, "No, this is my fourth. My oldest is at school." She replied, "Yeah, I thought it looked like you probably had more." Uh, thanks? Ouch? I don't even know how to respond to that.
I don't even want to get into how many people tell me that I look big for being due in August. Yes, I was a little fat before I was pregnant. Please let's talk about that more.
Because Kyle helps to coach Jack's team, it's just me, Ben and Claire sitting on the sidelines. They're a handful. Especially after 7:00, which is normally their bedtime. After one game, another mom whispered (not quietly enough), "It looks like she has enough kids already." And something about more than I can handle. I didn't even bother to shoot a dirty look to let her know that I heard, because I probably would have cried.
One of the hymns Claire and I have been singing is, "What a Friend We Have in Jesus." The last part of the first verse says:
"Oh, what peace we often forfeit,
Oh, what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not carry
Everything to God in prayer!"
I've tried to keep that in mind . . . that I don't have to carry all of this and that I need to be praying about everything. But honestly? On most days, I just can't get there. Praying about things leads to ugly crying, and I don't usually have time to recover from that without before I have to be somewhere.
Tomorrow starts a new week. But tomorrow is Mother's Day and I've had a long standing "dislike" for the "holiday" in general. Getting my kids ready for church and out the door for the late service (rather than the early service) because we're meeting for lunch after it? And then eating with all three of them in a restaurant during nap time? Happy Mother's Day? I don't get it.
Monday, though. Monday is when it's all going to turn around. It has to, right?